Probably a bit long for a one shot, but when I was writing about Lu and Rob in Profe, I thought I'd give it a try and write their story. It's slightly mentioned in Profe in chp 22 "My cousin Robbie" I hope you guys enjoy it and please review

Following Dreams

I came here following what I thought I wanted, what I thought I deserved. I got something better, something I never knew I’d be lucky enough to have.

I grew up in sunny California, the golden state. School was ok, I wasn’t the most popular guy but I was known. I had a good group of friends. I won’t join the angst masses and say it was the worst years of my life, that it was hell or even the best days of my life. It was school, enough said.

The fact that I was gay never became an issue. I’m not exactly flamboyant and it was always interesting how it surprised some people. I never got beat up over it and I never got terribly teased for it. I didn’t come out to my parents until I was 24 and living with my boyfriend of 6 years and our son,.

She is a year older than me and always very protective of me. I can trust her and lean on her and I hope she can do the same with me. She got married right out of high school. I never really liked the guy she married but she was happy, at least she seemed happy.

She named her son after me, well his name is pronounced loo-SYAH-no, like in Spanish, were mine is pronounce in Italian loo-CHAH-no, it never made much difference to me, I’ve been called Lu since I was born. Luciano, my nephew does give hell about the pronunciation; he gives hell about a lot of things.

Edgar wasn’t the captain of the football team; he wasn’t the star of the drama club or the most handsome popular guy in school. He was just a student, the student I had a crush on since the seventh grade. He acknowledged my existence, but just barely. He had his group of friends I had my own.

We had two classes together, Algebra and Chemistry one right after the other. If one of my friends or one of his weren’t waiting outside the classroom for us we would walk together from Algebra to Chemistry. I had asked my friends to never ever come for me after third period. I relished in those walks. It was only five doors down, but it was my chance to walk side to side with Edgar. He would smile at me and make small talk. Sometimes we would even share notes or compare homework.

On one of these walks he mentioned to me that he would be applying to the University of Miami, for college. He said he had family down in Florida and he always liked the school for some reason.

“It’d be a nice change.” He said.

I applied to the same college as well as others. I didn’t really think much of it; it was just something I did. Edgar and I never talked about it again. School went on. The end of our senior year grew close and acceptance letters and rejection letters began to fly in.

I was accepted into UCLA, like most of my friends. When a letter arrived from the University of Miami, I didn’t even open it. I hid it under my mattress not wanting to answer any questions about why I had applied there.

I was sort of dating a boy I worked with in the mall. His name was Oscar, he invited me to a party his school friends were having after their prom. Note here that I wasn’t invited to his prom but to the after party. I decided then that I wouldn’t be inviting him to my prom either. I had my eye set on Jake, from the gas station near my house. We had been talking and he’d mentioned casually that he regretted not going with his boyfriend to prom. Of course my dream date to prom would have been Edgar, but that wasn’t going to happen. I knew he’d be going with his girlfriend.

At this after prom party was Edgar with out said girlfriend. Oscar completely forgot I had gone with him, immediately moving to his friends with out so much as introducing me. I didn’t give a fuck; I moved on to the drink table and walked outside thinking that my sister would sure pick me up if I called her.

“Hey there.” I turned towards the voice with a rock in my stomach, rocks and butterflies. It was Edgar. I smiled moving towards him. He was already pretty much drunk. He was swaying and I helped him sit down.

“You’re always too nice,” he slurred. I’m pretty sure I was blushing like a little girl. “So,” he said, placing his hand over mine. My eyes trained themselves on our hands. I tried not to think much of it, but then he kissed me. Edgar kissed me. I was on a cloud, he pulled away saying he’d always wanted to do that.

I mumbled incongruently trying to ask if he was gay or maybe just saying “Oh my god, you’re gay.” It was something dumb like that. He chuckled saying he didn’t fucking know. He then kissed me again, before saying he was going to throw up; he turned towards some bushes behind us and emptied out his stomach.

A friend of his came by laughing at how much Edgar had drank. His friend slapped me on the back thanking me for taking care of the “fuck head.”

“I’ll take him home now,” the friend said.

Edgar stood shakily on his legs. He looked towards me and told me he wouldn’t be there on Monday, “I’m off to Florida.”

I didn’t call Lidia to pick me up, I walked home. Trying hard to put my thoughts in order, jumping up and down like a crazy person every time I remembered Edgar had kissed me.

Edgar Kissed Me. Me!

I pulled the closed envelop from under my bed with unsure hands I struggled to open it.

-

I won’t say it was easy, I won’t say it was smart, but after graduation me and Lidia, who offered to help me settle, were on a plane to Miami.

It was a bit of a culture shock, living in Miami. To survive there you need at least a basic knowledge of Spanish, I took French in high school. California, were I lived was hot, but somehow not the same type of hot as Miami. The heat here was horrible, it made you sweat like an idiot and like the idiot I am, I bought a car with out an A/C. I had to carry an extra shirt with me everywhere.

I don’t know what I thought. That I’d arrive here and Edgar would see me and become my boyfriend or something. I was so wrong; I didn’t even see Edgar until late October.

He pretended not to recognize me; he walked right by me holding some little Colombian girl. Her dark hair down to her round butt straight as he was pretending to be. I felt tears well up in me as my smile faded. I watched him walk away; he even stopped a few steps from me to give her a kiss.

It was stupid of me to follow a crush half way across the country just because he gave me a drunken kiss. I wanted to quit school go back home and forget I ever was this stupid. I walked back to my dorm room, furiously wiping the tears that kept falling down my face. I was so stupid, so very, very stupid.

I paced back and forward in the cramp room. I wanted my sister, but I didn’t want to call her and admit I followed Edgar here. After all the speeches I gave about coming to Florida so I could grow, about the great opportunity it was, how I needed to be my own man, to grow and be independent. I dropped the phone unable to dial the phone number.

I was getting claustrophobic. Normally a guy would never affect me this way, but I had formed some stupid fantasy with Edgar. I should have known better.

I changed into some shorts and put my running shoes on. It’s my therapy; I still go out for a run when something is bothering me. I’d grab my walkman and just run, well now I grab my mp3 player, the music loud, my thoughts clear and just my feet falling one after another heading nowhere and just sweating my frustrations out.

I ran for about two hours, it was dark when I began to make my way back to my dorm room.

I never had noticed my neighbors before; I was always too busy looking around for Edgar. I was tired the sweat was rolling down my forehead; I closed my eyes to avoid the liquid to spill into them.

“Are you ok?” I had never heard such a deep smooth voice. It was concerned, but so deep and strong that it was almost scary. I didn’t dare open my eyes; I had put an image in my head as to who the voice belonged to and for one day I had enough illusions broken. I nodded and mutely continued into my room.

I took a quick shower and sat on my bed trying to decide what I would do next. I reasoned that as stupid as it was to move all the way here just for Edgar, it would be just as stupid to move back just because of him. It wasn’t so bad here, I actually liked the city. The few people I had met were nice. It was a good school.

I was startled out of my thoughts by a knock on my door. No one ever knocked on my door. It wasn’t really that I had no friends what so ever but the first guy I met left a week later he said school wasn’t for him. I knew a few girls, went out with them, one even tried to hook me up with her brother, but they didn’t live close to the school and it was unlikely for them to just come and knock on my door at half past ten on a Monday night.

Luis my lab partner would have just barged in, he isn’t one to bother with knocking. I pulled some shorts on and opened the door.

I know what most would expect me to say now, that it was love at first sight. That the Adonis I met on the other side of the door stole my heart away, but no sorry. He was hot I’ll admit it, but he just had the wrong dorm number. He was looking for Kristy; I was tempted to just shut the door on his face, but instead pointed him across the hall. Kristy had introduced herself to me when I moved in.

“You look a lot better.” The same voice as before. I didn’t have time to close my eyes this time, but I wasn’t disappointed.

Robert White had been watching me since the first day I moved in. He was the tallest person I had ever seen, almost seven feet tall. He was a bit on the skinny side, his bones seemed too big for his frame, but by spring next year he would develop an addiction to the gym and grow into one hell of a hunk. Dark brown eyes and plumb bottom lip, he had me drooling before I could even remember I was suppose to be moping about Edgar.

“Rob,” he introduced himself. He then offered me one of his twix, you never say no to a twix.

I accepted the chocolate and introduced myself as Lu, to which he answered with an “I know”.

Robert invited me into his room to watch a movie; I offered to grab some drinks from my room. We watched Mallrats, drank Dr. Pepper and ate twix, to me it was the perfect first date, except it wasn’t a date. I was still sort of kinda hurt over the whole Edgar thing.

Next day Edgar came up to me as I was leaving my dorm to class. I tried to ignore him and continue walking but he grabbed me by the elbow.

“Lu, what…Lu. Look, Lu what I did. What are you doing here?”

“I go to school here.” Edgar seemed so nervous I even felt sorry for him. Truthfully he didn’t do anything to me, what ever expectations I had from him where all brought up by my over active imaginations. “Edgar, its fine.”

He let go of my arm. “I was drunk.”

“I know, don’t worry.” I didn’t say anything else to him. I don’t think anything else needed to be said. I just walked away.

-

After my last class when I came home Rob was standing outside his room. He had a Dr. Pepper six pack, “I thought we could order a pizza,” he smiled.

I accepted, but told him I had some homework to do. He also had work to do and he offered me his desk saying he usually did his work on his bed anyway. We quietly worked on our homework while we waited for the pizza to arrive.

When our pineapple pizza was delivered Rob pulled out “Back to the future II”. I had/have a huge crush on Michael J Fox, I love that movie were he is a doctor and gets stuck in a hick town.

I don’t know when my new crush developed, but it did. I really didn’t want another crush on a straight guy but it just happened. I looked forward to seeing Rob. I was always extremely disappointed when ever he wasn’t waiting for me to get home. I’d wait in my room paying close attention to any noise that would alert me of his arrival.

I noticed I had a crush when I began checking myself in the mirror before entering the building. When I arrived before him, I’d change my shirt several times while trying to make up a good excuse to go and knock on his door as soon as I confirmed he arrived.

My heart broke once more the day I knocked on his door and Nancy opened. I had seen her with Rob before, we had not met because I did my best not to. I didn’t want to meet the girlfriend. I even changed the topic when ever Rob mentioned her name.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.” I was ready to turn around and volt back into my room. I must leave my elbows behind me or something because she stopped me by the elbow.

“Oh, don’t run. I’ve been dieing to meet you; Robbie does nothing but talk about you.” The smile came naturally to me. He talked about me, Rob talked about me.

“Lu,” Rob came up behind her. “We were just heading out to dinner, why don’t you come with?”

I was going to say no, but Nancy didn’t give me a chance. We went to Chili’s and sat outside taking advantage that it was a slightly cool night or really as cool as it ever gets in Miami.

Rob sat beside me and Nancy across from us. She had a sneaky smirk on her face, I didn’t know her that well and I could tell she was up to something.

“Robbie tells me you guys been friends for a few months now.” I nodded, “So have you guys hooked up yet?” Soda came out my nose.

“Nancy!” Rob growled.

“What?” She answered faking innocence. Rob handed me some napkins. I was so embarrassed. I excused myself to the bathroom.

“Don’t be mad.” Nancy said as I slid out of the both. “Just Rob wouldn’t tell me and he always tells me everything. I didn’t mean to shock you or offend you.” I smiled at her assuring her I just wanted to wash my hands; they were kind of sticky from the drink.

Nothing awkward happened after that. I laughed a lot as Nancy shared anecdotes about Rob, they had grown up together. They almost peed themselves laughing when I admitted I thought Nancy was Rob’s girlfriend.

Rob and I dropped off Nancy after dinner. When we got home Rob and I stood outside my door. I didn’t want the night to end. Rob apologized once more for Nancy and I assured him that she didn’t offend me in anyway.

“That’s… good. I’m glad.” He stood there towering over me and all I could think of was how much I wanted him to kiss me.

I’m pretty sure he leaned down because even on the tip of my toes I don’t think I would have reached his lips if he hadn’t leaned in. Our lips touched and my back hit the wall. It was intense and it was …it was hot. I opened the door blindly with out moving my lips away from his. We stumbled into my room and fell onto my bed. Our lips separated and his breath ghosted over me.

“I didn’t think you were interested in me this way.” He whispered I pulled up to kiss his lips.

“I thought you were straight.” He chuckled kissing me once more.

-

Rob and I spend almost every spare minute together. I was a bit jealous of Nancy, because even with the assurance that they were only friends, it seemed strange for me that they always were touching. They would kiss each other every time they said hello or goodbye and not on the cheek they actually kissed on the lips. Rob assured me I had nothing to fear, because he had never been even slightly attracted to a girl. He just cared for Nancy. I tried hard not to let their friendship bother me. Rob was a good boyfriend.

I quickly fell in love with him. I had been in love before but never the way I was with Rob. Rob was special.

I was the first to say I love you, and it just came naturally to me. I didn’t think about it and I didn’t worry when it slipped out. Rob held me close whispering over and over again that he loved me too.

-

For Christmas break my mom and sister pulled together to buy me a ticket to visit. I didn’t want to leave; I wanted to stay with Rob. Rob and Nancy would be driving up to Tampa to spend the holidays with their parents and I wanted to be part of that. I wanted to plan the road trip with them. I didn’t want to go home.

Rob assured me over and over again that everything would be fine that he loved me and that when I came back everything would be the same and maybe even better thanks to the distance.

For about a month or so Rob had been spending every night in my room, slowly some of his stuff found homes beside my own stuff. I was leaving 3 days before Rob and Nancy would leave. My head was resting over Robert’s chest, the night before my trip, my fingers running over his warm skin, a light shin of sweat covering us from the night’s activities.

He kissed my head his large hand covering most of the back of my head as he held me close to him, “It’s only a few weeks.”

I nodded trying to keep my tears away, but I repeat it and I will repeat it as many times as necessary and maybe even more, I had never, I have never loved anyone the way I love Robert.

I survived the holidays with my family, I missed Robert more than I could ever explain, but I survived. Nancy and Lidia developed a long distance friendship, spending hours on the phone while I begged them to let me talk to Robert. They would laugh and complain at how love sick Robert and I were. It was so nice to know Robert missed me as much as I did him.

Robert was waiting for me outside the airport gate. He ran to me like the giant he is; he crushed me against him and with out a single care to the eyes around us he kissed me. That night after un-packing, exchanging gifts and sharing pictures we ordered a pineapple pizza and cuddled in front of the T.V set to watch Back to the Future. Michael J. Fox was hot, but Robert didn’t have to worry about that.

The next morning Robert woke me up with a nice …kiss…umm well to be truthful it wasn’t exactly on the lips. While I tried to regain my breath and form the words to ask him to promise to for ever wake me up like that, he kissed me and told me to dress nicely since he was taking me out to diner that night.

While I was frantically trying to decide what to wear and exactly how nicely I was suppose to dress my sister called me. She was pregnant and finally had found out the baby’s sex, it was a boy. You could feel her happiness radiant from the phone; she was crying she was so happy. After her husband I was the first to know, by the time I tracked down Nancy to give her the news my sister had already told her.

It was a day of wonderful surprises. Rob took me to a beautiful restaurant in South beach, we sat outside with candles lighting up our table. We ate mostly in silence; he seemed nervous and would hold my hand and kiss my knuckles every three seconds. During dessert he said he had asked me here because he had something important to say. If he hadn’t been kissing me and telling me he loved me all night long I would have feared he was going to break up with me.

“I’ve been thinking about this and it’s not a rash decision. I love you so much and I think, I think.” He cleared his throat taking my hand once more and placing a kiss over my knuckles. “I know I want to spend my life with you. There isn’t an inch of doubt in my heart that I will never love anyone other than you.” I smiled at him leaning in for a kiss as I repeated that I would never love anyone other than him. He cleared his throat, said he was glad to hear that and then asked me to move in with him.

I squealed, yes I did. I’m ok admitting to it, plus it’s not like Rob would ever let me deny it. I stood up almost knocking our table down and planted myself on his lap. I kissed his cheek, I kissed his nose, and I kissed his lips. He chuckled asking if he should take this as a yes.

-

Looking for an apartment was the most grueling task I had ever been through. Everything was simply too expensive. Sure when ever I complained to Lidia about it she would just laugh; housing prices in Florida compared to California were truly nothing, but still $700 dollars a month for a studio apartment with no kitchen was simply too much.

Rob was friendly with a teacher aid and he let us know his cousin had built a small efficiency in his backyard, it had its own entrance and a small kitchen and $650 dollars a month would cover utilities, even basic cable. We would have to be stupid to say no to it. We moved what little possessions we had into our new home. My mom mailed us a set of sheets and towels and Lidia came to visit, make sure were I wasn’t living in a dump. She was about five months pregnant, but her belly was so small you could barely tell.

Nancy picked Lidia up from the airport since I had an important test to take and Rob had a job interview. They called me once they met. On their way to our house Nancy was telling Lidia that we had no living room and that the only seating there was, was a milk crate with a cushion over it, our bed and desk chair. When driving down 72nd street they saw a dark wood dinning table with four chairs sitting next to some trash.

When they arrived home they had the table with them. I was so embarrassed that they had actually grabbed it from someone’s trash, but the table was in perfect conditions and the owners had thrown it out when they bought a new one. We cleaned it up and set it up so Rob would come home to see it.

Lidia stayed with Nancy, since we didn’t really have room for her at our place. We’ll we did have room for a couch, but we hadn’t bought one yet and if we had I wouldn’t have my pregnant sister sleeping on it. I would have had to kick Rob to it.

I made us diner to break in the table. It was another adventure to cook. Lidia had a very sensitive nose and almost everything made her nauseous. I guess you can imagine that in our cramped efficiency it wasn’t easy to escape the kitchen odors. I was going to make pasta with some home made sauce, but the smell of tomatoes cooking made her nauseas. I tried to make black beans and rice but the re-fry for it made her nauseas. To make this story short we ended up eating Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I also forgot we didn’t own any plates so we had to use plastic bowls. A bit of a disaster, but Lidia began a list of things we needed.

I didn’t really take my sister sight seeing she instead wanted to help me set my house up. We visited thrift stores, Wal-mart, K-mart, Target, garage sales, etc. I was sick of shopping by the time she went back home, but we had a beautiful leather couch, bought at the salvation army for only $100, a toaster oven, a set of 8 plates (bowls, large plates, small plates, cups and saucers) two whole sets for the bed (sheets, comforter, pillow cases.) and we weren’t out on the street.

Rob says my sister is the best bargain hunter ever and that she should be careful because she might end up a pack rat like his mom. I doubt Lidia would ever be a pack rat, she tried to throw away several of my things claiming I had not room for them. She had always been like that. She is a bit of neat freak, pregnancy made it worse.

-

Rob and I lived in a honey moon for about a month. Then he and Nancy began to act very strange. Nancy was clearly avoiding me; she wouldn’t even visit us anymore. Rob was talking about quitting college and getting a full time job. I even over heard them fighting about Rob not letting Nancy go back to Tampa and how they would figure something out.

Rob repeated constantly that he loved me; it was like he was trying to convince me. He said that no matter what to never ever doubt that he loved me. I was very worried, I thought they perhaps were in some type of trouble, did something illegal or something.

I came home one day, tired from my job at Burdines. Rob was sitting his elbows over our table and his head resting on his hands. It was dark and when I turned on the light I was startle to see he was crying. I dropped my bag to the floor – I had bought a really cute outfit for my nephew. I moved towards Rob, kneeling next to him almost at tears my self so worried about what was wrong.

He wiped his tears away; he apologized and told me he loved me.

“I was waiting for you, but the more time went by the worse felt.”

“Robbie, babe, what’s wrong?”

He took my hands, “This is probably the hardest thing… Lu, I never meant to. I was drunk.” He was quiet. I tried to let his words sink in; there was really only one way to take it. He cheated on me.

“When?” I asked my voice a lot more composed than I really was.

“Winter break.” I slid my hands away from his, I felt how he tried to hold on but I just shook him off. I moved to pick up the bag I dropped, trying to not completely loose it.

“Why are you telling me this now?” He stood up, following me towards the bed were I was carefully laying out what I had bought. His shadow was huge completely overpowering my own.

“She…she is pregnant.” She, the word burned like acid. My hands fisted into the small sweater I was holding. I knew who it was; I didn’t want to believe it, but I knew.

“Nancy?” The words struggle out of my throat as though by uttering them I was some how making them real. He didn’t answer I noticed his shadow moved, but I could tell if it was a nod or shake. I dropped the sweater turning to look at him. “Answer me.”

“Y…ye…s” he cleared his throat. “Yes.”

“You said you two were just friends. You said you never felt any attraction to her.” I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes, the betrayal, the hurt and the anger were too strong. “You both fucking lied to me.”

“Lu,” he begged. “Lu, we were drunk it meant nothing.”

“If she weren’t pregnant you never would have told me?” He nodded. “I would have continued to play the part of the fucking idiot. I…”

“It wasn’t like that. It was one time, we were drunk.” My keys were heavy in my pocket. I fished them out; they cut into my skin as my hands tighten around them with every single one of his words.

“You are just so un-fucking-lucky, that the very first time you sleep with a woman she gets pregnant. Mr. I’m not one bit attracted to women, gets drunk while his boyfriend is away and fucks his girl best friend.”

He continued to deny, assuring me it had been only one time. He begged me to forgive him, he said he loved me. I couldn’t take it; I didn’t want to cry in front of him. I saw them laughing at me, having sex in my bed, pretending to be my friends, to love me.

I walked past him; he grabbed me by the elbow. I didn’t look back at him, I couldn’t I tried to put all my determination into my voice when I commanded he’d let me go. His hand dropped as a sob escaped his throat. The love I felt for him pulled the strings of my heart, telling me to turn back, to comfort him, my anger won out and I walked out the door as soon as his hand let me go.

I drove around the block and parked my car in front of a small park. I finally let my tears fall there. I hit the steering wheel and I yelled.

Even if he was saying the truth, if it really was one time when drunk, everything he has done since I came back from California hasn’t been out of love but out of guilt. Nancy has been my friend, I’ve shared things with her, talked about my sex life with her and she never breathed a single word about what happened.

They betrayed me, in more than one way, because maybe if they had told me the truth when it happened things would have been different. I formed a life, a relationship on the worst ground ever. I thought I build my home on solid rock, on trust, but instead it was on sand, on lies.

I slept in my car that night; I was woken up by a dog barking. I looked around me a bit disoriented and finally saw the freaking iguana Rob always talked about.

Rob would go running every morning; I had an 8 o’clock class and went running at night instead. Everyday he told me about the large iguana that lived in the park. I’d come here several times trying to spot it. Rob would bring it some fruits he said she’d come out to the slide and eat it, but she never came out for me no matter what fruit I brought or how long I stood out here for. Now today, she comes out and sits on the slide.

I drove back home, I couldn’t stand my own smell any longer. I saw Nancy’s car parked outside and thought about not stopping, but it was my house. I got off the car and entered the house to find them both sitting there with cups of coffee in their hands. Rob stood up as soon as I walked in. All I wanted was to take a shower; I put my hand up to stop him from talking and walked into the bathroom, with a pair of clean shorts and my towel.

I took as long as I could in the bathroom, Nancy even knocked on the door to check if I was ok. I told her to leave me the fuck alone. She didn’t say anything after that. I sat on the toilet seat once I had nothing to do in the bathroom. I stared at the white door, willing myself to have the courage to open it. I stood up and took the knob.

Nancy was gone Rob was sitting in the same spot I had found him last night.

“She doesn’t deserve to be treated that way,” he said when I just stood there looking at the empty room.

“You said this happened in December.” I look at him for confirmation. “It’s February. So she would be…?”

“Two months.”

“Two months,” I repeated. “Two months of lying to me. I think you should move out.”

“Lu, no.” His voice was so weak; it wasn’t the thunder I had grown to love. “No, Lu. Please, I love you.” I shook my head, love didn’t matter anymore.

“You don’t lie and betray the person you love this way.” He pulled me towards him. I fit into his arms like a small doll. He stroked my hair down and I felt his tears fall on my head. I held my own back; I didn’t want him to see me cry. “I’m guessing you guys will be keeping the baby.” My words were muffled since my face was pressed against his chest. My arms itched to curl around him, but I kept them by my side.

“We talked about it, she said she would do it, but she didn’t really want to. I can’t have the baby pay for our mistake. Lu, she is just as sorry as I am.”

I don’t remember much of what happened that day. More words were exchanged but nothing of great importance. I left for work and asked him to be gone by the time I came back.

I came home to an empty apartment. His things were still here and there but little things like his toothbrush, his running shoes and reading glasses were gone. I thought I had felt lonely when I first arrived here, but that night I met real loneliness, the type that grips onto your soul.

I didn’t leave the apartment for several days. Nancy came by; she told me that she was sorry. She said she didn’t feel anything but friendship for Rob and that it broke her heart to know that her stupid mistake destroyed our relationship. I told her it was more than the sex; it was the lies, the betrayal. They had planned to keep me in the dark for so long.

I began to believe they belonged together, that I was the mistake. Just like with Edgar, I was the gay boy, straight guys experimented with.

-

Eventually I had to get out of bed, I had classes and now work to make up for them and I didn’t want to lose my job. I reconnect the phone; I had disconnected it when it wouldn’t stop ringing, took a long shower and when I came out my phone was ringing already.

It was Lidia, she was worried sick about me. She said she was about to jump on a plane and come see me. I told her she was too pregnant to be traveling, she then grumbled about how she wanted the damn kid out of her.

“I here you won’t give Rob a second chance.” I didn’t expect her to go there. I hadn’t told her anything about the break up.

“Would you?” I asked.

“Have you heard him out?”

“I did, but how can I get over this pain, this betrayal. Sis I love him so much, but I just can’t get over what he did to me.”

“I just want you happy.” Soon after that we hung up and I left to school.

Nancy had quit school and gone back to Tampa, Rob was staying at her place until the lease was up. I didn’t want to hear anything Rob had to say to me, I was simply to hurt.

I spend most my time with Luis, he introduced me to some of his friends and life went on. I would hook up with one guy or another, never anything more than a one night stand. I was lucky to barely ever bump into Rob, the few times I did he was far from me, across the street, across the room. I always moved away before he could come closer.

I took two weeks off work during the summer to visit my sister in California my nephew was born in April and I really wanted to meet him. He was such a big baby, fat like nothing else; he seemed to be made of rubber. Luciano had an attitude even as a baby, he would cry his little lungs out until he got what he wanted; he was cute enough to get away with anything.

Lidia and I had just placed the baby down for a nap when she asked me how I was feeling.

“I’m good,” I told her. She smiled.

“You don’t look as happy as you did a few months ago.” Lidia was convinced I should forgive Robert. Her husband was a bit of drunk so her opinion though appreciated didn’t really count. I don’t think being drunk excuses him from lying to me when sober.

I came back home, it was still summer so other than work, I didn’t do much. I’d go to the beach once in awhile with my friends, but the heat outside was too much for me. School started once more and life went on the same. I didn’t see Rob anymore at all, he tried to call me a few times but I asked him to stop. I missed him so much, nothing and no one could fill the emptiness he left in me.

It was the end of October, almost a year since I met Robert when someone knocked on my door. My sister was on the other side; she had rented a car and said we were going on a road trip.

I though she was insane. She said she was tired of me moping around and doing nothing to get things back and order. I tried to protest that I haven’t been moping but she knew me better than anyone else. I tried to ask where we were going, but she said it was surprised.

My nephew, now 6 months old, was even cuter than before. He slept most of the trip, waking up only to ask for his bottle which I happily volunteered to give him. We stopped at a rest stop to get something to eat. I carried Luciano out in arms and burped him after the bottle; I looked towards my sister and said I wanted one.

Holding my little nephew, I knew I wanted one so badly. I really did want one. Florida law made it impossible for me to adopt and chances were I would never have one myself unless I got a surrogate or something. I didn’t pay much attention to where we were going. I saw the signs saying Tampa, but when heading north in Florida you always see the signs saying either Tampa or Orlando.

We arrived to a nice size house with a huge backyard, the weather was chilly and I pulled my sweater on. My sister covered the baby in a blanket before getting off the car.

“They are expecting you,” she said pointing to the house we had parked in front of. “I’m going to visit a friend across the street.” When I did nothing more than stare at her she insisted I go up and ring the bell.

By now I had a feeling I knew what my sister was up, but still I walked up to the house. The door opened before I even reached it. Rob stood there, my first response was to hug him but I was able to ignore it and instead turn around. He stopped me, like expected by my elbow and pulled me into the house.

“I still love you. I promised you I’d never love anyone but you.” He said while dragging me into the house. “Lu, if you don’t love me say it now and I will leave you alone.”

I couldn’t say I didn’t love him because I did, I really did. I hugged myself, tears silent rolling down my face.

“I’m so sorry I lied to you, but I didn’t know how to tell you what happened. I didn’t want to lose you and I knew it would never happen again.” He wrapped his arms around me and my arms wrapped around him.

“If you still love me, why are you making us both so miserable by being apart?” I held on tighter to him. He had been working out and I could feel the developing muscle underneath his shirt, he didn’t look skinny anymore.

“I love you,” I whispered, “I love you so much, but you hurt me.”

His voice was thick with tears as he said “I know, I know.”

“I miss you so much.” He pulled away from me. “Will you take me back?”

There was only one answer for that question. He took my left hand and placed a golden band on my ring finger; he then pulled a second band from his pocket and placed it on his own. It’s been 13 years since those bands went on our fingers and not once have I removed mine. I can’t assure the same thing for Robert because I believe he takes it off to shower.

Robert called Nancy, whose parents lived across the street from Rob’s parents, the house we were in. Nancy came over with my sister and two babies, my nephew and Rob’s son.

Rob took the baby from Nancy’s arms and brought him close to me.

“Lu,” Nancy said as I stared into the tiny face. “Meet Robert White, Jr.”

“Our son,” Robert added placing the baby in my hands and kissing my forehead.

I was happy and my life was complete. We bought houses just two blocks from each other. Robbie Jr. would live with Nancy, but Robert and I got him every other weekend as well as summer vacation. Robbie calls me Dad sometimes, but mostly Lu, I love him like he is my own son and I’m pretty sure he loves me like a dad.

Rob never again cheated on me, there were no other drunken mistakes, but if Rob and me could go back in time the only thing we would change is how I reacted to it all, because Robbie is the best result of that drunken night.