Too Late

For Zy.

Rain.

It reminds me too much of the tears that constantly stain my cheeks. As the rain resonate its soothing rhythm against the window glass, I found my eyes sting with the salty substance of my tears.

He always forgets about me.

I watch him across the room with a frown upon my lips. He looks back at me with a nonchalant smile and waved with enthusiasm from across the room. I strained a forced smile and waved back.

Is it so easy to forget about me?

"What's wrong, Zy?" My friend, Nicole, asked me with a concerned drawl. "You've been quiet since this morning."

I laughed forcibly and tapped the tips of my fingers against the mahogany table. "Nothing's wrong. What ever gave you that idea?"

Am I not important to him?

Nicole scowled at me and slowly glanced at Derek's direction. He wrote furiously at the paper laid out in front of him and peeked through the thick locks of his brown hair over to our table. He beamed at Nicole's direction and winked at her. She blushed under his attention and looked at me apologetically.

He flirted with my friend in the same room as I am.

Doesn't he know it hurts when he disregards my feelings?

"It's okay," I mouthed to Nicole with a heavy sigh.

He was just like that—oblivious of what was happening around him. He never talked to me the same way he did before when we were first met. His enthusiasm receded and his love for me wavered. I was just second best now…

I want to know if you still love me…

I noticed him stand up from his position and gather his things. I felt a stirring inside of me and I wondered if he was going to approach me. Anxiety crept over my senses as he neared. My heart thumped hard against my chest as he stopped in front of me with his usual smile etched across his face.

"I'll see you later," he said to me and walked away.

Is it too late to ask if we can still work it out?

The sun was close to setting as I walked down the road. I ignored the cars that quickly passed me by as thoughts riddled inside my mind. My feet heavily padded down the muddy path the rain created earlier that afternoon. I almost slipped as I stomped my feet angrily. Does God hate me? Does he want me to suffer so much to the extent on taking everything I loved?

I neared the street where his home resided at. I quickly took a glimpse of the course and saw him just coming back from school as well. He waved at me giddily and ran towards me.

I forced a smile.

Why do you constantly torture me with the thought that I can't stop loving you as much as I want to?

"Zy!" He shouted. "Hey!"

"Hey," I responded back.

"I'm sorry we don't have the time to meet as much," he sheepishly grinned. "I've been busy."

I nodded my head and bitterly replied, "I noticed."

"But I promise," he puffed out his chest flippantly. "I'll make it up to you on our anniversary!"

I looked at him despondently.

"Today is our anniversary."

I can't take it anymore…

A confused look passed by his face but as quickly as it came, guilt replaced it. "Oh Zy…"

I shook my head. "It's okay, Derek… I understand."

A smile slowly appeared on his face as he nodded his head. "Thanks for being understanding, Zy. I owe you a lot."

I tried to smile back but I couldn't. I was too tired; I was too emotionally unstable. "I know."

"Well," he took a step toward me and encircled his arms around me for a quick hug. "I've have to do something. You can walk home alone, right?"

Do you still need me?

"… Yeah."

He hastily let go of me and broadly smiled. "I'll see you later!" He murmured and turned away. I lashed out and caught his wrist before he could run away. He whipped his head towards me with curious eyes.

I smiled at him with tears threatening to spill. "I love you," I choked out.

Please say you love me too…

"I know," he grinned. "I'll see you later, Zy."

And with a gentle tug of his wrist, I let him go.

My legs wouldn't move and my feet were firmly planted on the ground. In the middle of the road, thoughts plagued my head and tears freely fell from the corners of my eyes. Pain constricted throughout my chest and my breathing became labored. I ignored the lights that started to flicker from overhead and from my sides.

A distinct sound pierced my senses but I couldn't move.

Darkness enveloped me.

Is it too late for me to say I need you?