Chapter the Third

Blarry examined the missive. It was purple and sparkly, with thick angular handwriting scrawled in green on the surface.

Mr. Blarry Squawker c/o Mr. Bernie Durseldüf

The return address read:

Boarbunions School for Enchanted Creatures of Various Varieties

He opened it and read the mysterious contents.

Dear Mr. Squawker,

It is our pleasure to inform you that you, yes, you, are a fairy. But wait! There’s more! Respond within the next seventeen and seven-eighths minutes and you will also receive a free, yes, free, tuition to Boarbunions School for Enchanted Creatures of Various Varieties, where you will get a top-notch enchanted education from the greatest fairy ever himself, the majestic Albatross Pinprick Wolfgang Bob Bumblebore, headmaster here at Boarbunions. Should you choose to accept this generous invitation, there is a list of the items you will need below. We hope to see you September 3!

Sincerely,

Boarbunions School for Enchanted Creatures of Various Varieties

Blarry sat there, staring at the green lettering in a daze. A fairy? Him? But how was that possible?

Suddenly a little man leapt from the depths of the envelope, giggling gleefully. “Howdy-doody, Blarry!”

Blarry shrieked and fell backwards, sprawling on the floor. The little man ran towards Blarry’s prostrate form and jumped, alighting upon his chest. “Y’all got a parcel!”

“Indeed,” murmured Blarry as a defense mechanism. “Um...who are you?”

“I be Billy-Bob-Joe-Willy Harbinger. I dunno what in tarnation Harbinger means, but it surely sounds fancy! Y’all can be calling me Harb, though Momma calls me Harbie for short.”

Blarry blinked. “Okay, er...Harb. I hope you won’t think me rude, but why were you in that envelope?”

“Well, I’ll be a lizard’s gizzard if it ain’t comfy in thar!” Harb chuckled. “Besides, I was sent in person by Headmaster Bumblebore to talk to ya, y’all know, explicate and what all else. Y’all’s a fairy!”

“Er,” said Bernie, speaking for the first time in this exchange.

“Indeed,” said Spitoonia.

“So,” Blarry began, “you’re saying...that I’m a fairy?”

“Ain’t that what I said, boy?”

“But I don’t want to be a fairy! How is that even possible?”

“Well, y’all’s parents were fairies, they all’s parents were fairies...and darn good ‘uns, bet yer bollocks! Y’all’ll be a fine dandy one, is what I’m a-thinkin’, once y’all been trained up a bit! I ain’t no fairy meself, but they real good folks, and I seen them do things I ain’t never seen befo’.”

“I’m sure you have,” said Blarry humoringly. “Wait...you knew my parents? They were fairies?”

“Sho’ as the weeds in the cow patch is green, son!”

“And you say I’m a fairy, too?”

“Yes, surree!”

“But how can that be genetic?”

Harb looked genuinely perplexed. “Well, I ain’t so good with all them scientifical matters, but it’s got something to do with the home country...and cousins.”

“Does it now,” Blarry said in a perturbed fashion. “So, what does that have to do with this letter?”

“Well, now, son, Boarbunions is just about the finest school for magical creatures in the whole daggumed world!”

“Magical?”

“Gotta keep that good blood in the family, son.”

“...”

“Well, y’all seem to be takin’ the news just fine and dandy. Some other kids, y’all knows how it goes, their little fairy brains just ‘sploded on the floor.” Blarry was looking alarmed at this point. “Anyways, we all better be gettin’ outta here iffin we wanna catch the train.”

“Train?”

“Yessur...the Boarbunions Direct.”