She was staring again, with those cold, empty blue eyes. Karen turned away, too quickly, and focused on the story in front of her. The words blurred, turned into pure symbols, and she slammed the book shut, anger once again clenching at her lungs, forbidding her to breathe.

“I can’t even read, now how am I supposed to ignore you?” she muttered under her breath, shoving her books back into her bag and slinging one strap over her shoulder. “Bye, Mel,” Karen called as she left the library. Melissa didn’t even look up.

In the street, wandering around, her black messenger bag banging at her side, she wished she had taken the train. Black and white shoes tapping at the concrete as she struggled home, the books weighing her down. There were only a few scattered loners on the streets, for the gray sky above was rumbling, and city people knew when a storm was coming. Karen should have known to take the train the ten blocks, and not to risk walking them. The air had been heavy all afternoon, and the sky kept getting darker, but Karen was not exactly herself that day, and she hadn’t noticed.

“What’s that you’re saying?” Karen grumbled, speaking to the trees that whispered secrets to the wind. “A storm? Yeah, never woulda guessed that.” She changed course, then, heading not for home but for a safe spot to wait the storm out. A drop of water hit her nose and she shook it off, hurrying now to the nearest café. “Godammit, rain, can you wait about five minutes for me to get under a roof?” She stepped through the door and the downpour started. With a smirk, she opened the second door and stepped into the room. The abstract painting on the wall (God, she hated abstract art), the coffee makers in the back, the college students behind the counter: yes, this was her favorite coffee shop.

OoOoO

sweet scents of roasted beans fill my nostrils

make me swoon, if not for you, darling

waiting in line, she touches me, softly

there’s no question in my mind now

sitting in the hard-backed chairs

the warmth makes me drowsy

and i sing songs to you, and you smile

i grin a little and continue on

waiting at the bus stop

you grasp my hand in yours

as the brakes screech on the wet ground

and the water falls from the sky

you give me your beautiful smile

and gaze at me with those bright green eyes

jade, i call out to you in the night

but you never heard me

and our summer sun is setting, love

and i miss you so

OoOoO

Karen ordered a coffee from the counter, and then went to put her bag down. She took out a thick, black spiral notebook, worn around the edges, and set it on the table for when she had some inspiration. She went back to the counter, paid for the coffee, took the steaming mug back to her table, and sat down to write something. Pen in hand, she took a sip of the black coffee and put the inky tip to the paper.

OoOoO

stinging words of hate bite at my ears

i scream, hands to my head, clutching

shrieking in the night

you were once there to comfort me

but now there is only the empty space

and the cool wind that blows through

your form that is not there

OoOoO

i sing melodies for you

while i wait for the blue birds

and cicadas of the summer

maggots find their home

in things we share, and i cry

but the tears don't come anymore

OoOoO

we don't got a way to prove it

so lets go ahead and live it

when they see that we'd never dare choose

when it only means we've got more to lose

they'll give up the taunts

and the hate

with those penetrating eyes

filled with darkness

oh, i hope that they give up the fight

or else, we just might

OoOoO

"More crap," she moaned, and slammed the book shut. No one would care if she was suffering inside unless she could write and explain it to the world. If only she could be a better writer, then maybe she could be the one to bring about changes in society.

"Karen!" came a female voice from the back of the coffee shop. Karen turned, looked around, and saw the girl who was waving at her. It was Julie, and beside her sat Meredith and Andy. "Over here, Kare!"

"Yeah, come join us!" Andy called. Meredith merely gave her a cold stare with her foggy brown eyes.

Karen sighed and carried her coffee and notebook over to the other’s table.

“Hey guys, what’s new?”

“We’re studying for finals,” Julie explained as she extended her arm, showing Karen the stack of books and papers scattered across the table.

“But aren’t finals–”

“Tomorrow?” Andy groaned, putting his head down on the table.

“He obviously hasn’t been paying attention in class,” Julie stated, lifting her chin a little higher, her bright blue eyes shining mischievously. “I, on the other hand, have, which is why I’m helping him study.”

“The night before the exam?” Karen questioned, a smile playing at the corner of her lips. Andy let out another small moan. Meredith patted him on the back and gave him a cold smile.

“Yes, well, it’s pretty much useless,” Julie said with a sigh. Closing the textbook, she looked up at Karen with thoughtful eyes. “Hey Kare, we’ve got the day off, right? How about we all go downtown?” Julie turned to Andy and roughly shoved his arm. “Andy, how’s that sound?”

Andy lifted his head and his dark brown eyes met Julie’s blue ones. “Sounds like fun.” He turned to Meredith. “Mare, you free?”

“Yeah,” she drawled in monotone, avoiding Karen’s piercing gaze.

“Let’s go now, then, it’s stopped raining,” Julie said decisively.

OoOoO

the breeze sends chills up my spine

and shifts leaves in its breath

ancient colors of the sky shift to darkness

my world turns to asphalt and concrete

pavement and blacktop

gray is my color palette

music lyrics chant in my head

drowning my consciousness

polluting my already corrupted soul

while the mourners play melodies

on accordions and fiddles

walking down these empty streets

i grasp your fullness

and I wish you were here

beside me today

OoOoO

Karen was writing poetry in her head again. How was it that when she heard her own voice in her head, she was sane, but when people heard other people’s voices in their heads, they were crazy?

The four of them were heading for a favorite shop of theirs, down on the corner, across from the Starbucks and next to the used clothing store. It was a little place for trinkets and gifts, and it was always interesting. However, after the two mile trek from the train station to the shop, they found a little sign hanging in the window.

OoOoO

CLOSED

OoOoO

“Fuck,” Andy muttered, sinking to the ground. Their feet were tired and aching from walking so far, and now they didn’t have a clue as to where to go next.

“That’s so gay!” Meredith growled, slamming her bag down on the ground next to Andy, who looked up at her with confusion in his brown eyes. Julie looked from Karen to Meredith, waiting for Karen to say something. Karen was just staring at Meredith with her penetrating glare, a cold hatred stewing in her brown eyes. Meredith didn’t seem to notice that anything was wrong. In fact, her pale brown eyes were searching her nails for any possible flaw. Finally, Julie decided to take action.

“You shouldn’t say that, Mare,” Julie chided, gazing steadily at Meredith, who had turned to Julie with shock on her face.

“Say what?” she asked, looking from Julie, to Andy, to Karen, and back to Julie.

“Gay. Don’t use that as derogatory. Like retarded. You shouldn’t use that either.”

“Well what’s it to you?” Meredith snarled, picking up her bag and pulling Andy up with it. “You’re not gay or retarded, and you don’t know anybody who is.”

Karen’s face turned a deep shade of scarlet as she tried to hide her embarrassment. Meredith saw her, and her tone immediately changed.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you had a mental illness!”

Julie gaped at Meredith, Andy covered his face, and Karen let out a bitter laugh.

“I’m gay, Meredith” Karen snapped, her narrow eyes not leaving Meredith. “I’m a lesbian.” Then she turned to Julie, and brown eyes met blue. “Hey, I’m sorry, but I gotta go.” She turned and walked away.

“Karen!” Julie called after her, but Karen was already half a block away, forcing the tears to stay inside her eyes.

OoOoO

those words, they sting, but they need to be said

why not turn their own poison against them?

fight fire with fire?

does that ever get anything done?

laughter in the streets as we walk hand in hand

shouts, name calling, anger that stings

and we both try to ignore it

but later cry in each others arms

the pain can be overwhelming

sometimes

i wish they could understand what we’re going through

but they never will because they’ll never be

one of us

OoOoO

There was a knock on the door to Karen’s off-campus apartment. Putting down her blue pen, she went to open it.

“Jade?” Karen whispered, staring at the unsteady form in the doorway.

“Hey… Karen…” Jade gasped, and fell against the door. “Whoa.”

“Here,” Karen said patiently, supporting Jade by holding an arm around her waist. “What did you take this time?”

“Just had… a bit too… much. To drink? It was… you know… see… yeah…”

“What did you drink?” Karen asked, leading Jade to the couch, where the girl collapsed immediately and gazed up at Karen with her sharp green eyes.

“You know… what I drink,” Jade whispered, closing her eyes and reopening them.

“Fuck, Jade, what do I do with you now, huh? Eve is going to kill me if she finds out you were here. You know how she gets.”

“Wha?” Jade muttered groggily, curling into a ball and slamming her eyes shut.

Karen sighed and gently pulled the throw over the girl’s sleeping body. Then she went back to her desk, picked up the pen, and started writing again.

OoOoO

you can’t leave me one night

cold, lonely, and alone

and then come back the next

expecting me to

welcome you

with open arms

you have to understand

there are consequences

that go with your actions

and i don’t want to

nurse you back to health

one more time

the first time was enough

OoOoO

Whimpering, Karen slammed the pen back down onto the table and turned out the lamp. She had to get some sleep if she expected to struggle through the English final the next morning. But what to do with her ex-girlfriend? Jade’s sleeping form looked so peaceful on the couch, and there was no where else for her to go except back to her apartment (but Karen knew that wasn’t an option). Sighing heavily, Karen dragged herself into bed and flipped the lights off. She would leave Jade here in the morning to go take the English final, and then she could check on her after that. With thoughts of Jade’s green eyes swimming in her head, Karen fell asleep.

OoOoO

Nature and Empathy in Romanticism

By Karen Wilder

OoOoO

In the Romantic period in England, poets such as Byron and Keats often used nature in their poetry. This was usually to evoke emotions by appealing to the reader’s pathos; these emotions would then persuade the reader that the poet’s political cause that they were writing about in the poem was one worth fighting for. However, sometimes poets used nature in their writing merely because it was so inspiring. Considering that at that time, much of the English wilderness had been tamed, whenever a Romantic poet saw nature in its true form, they set out to write about it…

OoOoO

Karen finished the English final in the first block of time, and left early. Her teacher gave her a smile and a confident gaze as she turned it in, and she left quickly, worried that her teacher might want to start a conversation. She had too many things on her mind to get caught up in a discussion on Romantic period poetry, her least favorite topic in the English literature courses.

The streets were packed with students moving from one final to the next. She was jostled in the crowds, but once she made it past the main campus, the rabble thinned and she could once again hear herself think.

OoOoO

tears of sadness that fill our pools of sorrow

waiting for the dawn, or for Jesus to show us the way

flocks of individualists follow wolves in their skins

and no one seems to notice the slaughter going on

OoOoO

kittens drown in cesspools of anger

but no one cries for them

instead, anger dries up and catches on fire

but the wood is its only fuel

OoOoO

“Sometimes, I have no idea what I’m talking about,” Karen mused aloud, shoving her hands in her pockets and bowing her head against the wind. The sky was gray again, but a paler gray that reassured her of dry sidewalks, not the angry gray before a storm.

When she got back to her apartment, she fumbled with the keys in the lock for almost ten minutes, and by the time she got it open, she realized that it had already been unlocked.

There was no sign of Jade on the couch, or in the room, or any trace that she had ever been there. Just the blanket, thrown into a heap on the floor, and the pillows that were in disarray across the couch. Karen sighed and went to straighten up the couch, but she was distracted by a tiny piece of paper on the side table. Uncrumpling it, she read the note that was written in Jade’s perfect scrawl.

OoOoO

you can always find me

if you just look out your window

in the summer time

do it, Karen

OoOoO

That’s right, Jade had never called her Kare like the others, it was always Karen. Now curious, Karen went to the window, through which afternoon sun was streaming in, brightening the room, and looked out.

The clouds in the sky had vanished. When Karen usually looked out her window, she saw busy city streets, cars, bikers, passerby. But now, it was almost summer, and her view was blocked by rows and rows of trees, their leaves fully grown and unfurled. The greenery took in the sun, and then reflected it back, so that they appeared to radiate the light and warmth of the summer. Karen stared out her window at the jade leaves and just smiled.