Say My Name

Chapter One

“There isn't a record of your existence, Ms. Danane.” The officer glanced at me from across the table, clearly puzzled.

It had been about forty-eight hours since the ambulance arrived on the highway. Since then, I had failed to see Jamie. It was disappointing because I had been looking forward to her company. Nevertheless, I was annoyed. They all kept questioning me. Questions that I didn't know the answers to.

“Call me Erika, please.” I smiled slightly at the officer because he seemed startled by my response.

Well, he should be. This was the first time I had spoken since arriving at this horrid place.

“Alright then. Erika, it is.” He paused, obviously trying to take a different route. “can you explain how you and Johnathon Danane are related?”

My head snapped up, eyes narrowing. “Do not speak his name around me.”

Again, the officer seemed startled. “Why?” He responded genuinely interested.

“I was prohibited to call him by his name.” My voice trembled slightly. I didn't want to talk about him any longer.

“Why?”

“Why what?” I response angrily, voice rising. “Why he created that stupid rule?” I laughed bitterly, placing my hands in my lap as I sighed. “I don't know. Stop asking me these questions because I don't have the answers you seek.”

The officer almost scowled, not very appreciative of my cooperation. “Erika, you aren't in existence of this world. And yet, you sit before me. Johnathon Danane has no living relatives on our database. And, he was never married. So, I don't understand why you claim to carry his last name.”

“I don't know, okay?” I glared at him, folding my arms over my chest in a guarded manner. “He- ” I stopped, realizing it didn't matter whether I spoke his name or not. “- John wasn't my husband. He was a friend. I very, very dear friend.” I felt the tears sting my eyes. “And now he is gone.”

Sympathetically, the officer offered a weak 'tug-at-the-lips' smile. “I know this is hard on you. But we need answers. If you'd be willing to cooperate, Erika?”

I bit my lower lip, nodding. It made no difference if I offered my cooperation or not. He was gone.

“What was your relationship with Johnathon?” There it was again. That dreaded question – that I had no idea how to answer.

“He was my friend.”

“I get the impression you were more than just his friend.”

“No.”

“Alright.” The officer seemed unconvinced. Not that I cared. He thought for a moment before continuing. “How do you two know each other?”

“We met at a drug store, years ago.” A lie. A complete and utter lie. Johnathon saved me from dying. I had suffered from insomnia for twenty-two years of my life. And he helped me survive. Without him, I would have died.

“A drug store?” He almost chuckled.

“Yes, isn't that what I said?”

The officer nodded, watching me with an intense gaze. “You've been living with him since you were twenty-two years old?”

I nodded.

“Say if for the recording, please.”

I was being recorded. I felt somewhat deceived, but response nevertheless. “Yes.”

“I've come to believe that Johnathon Danane was, also, abusive?”

“Yes.”

“How so?”

I paused, tentatively answering. “He'd beat me on occasion. But I understood that I needed him to survive.”

“When you were taken to the hospital for examining, the results brought more questions forth.” He watched for my reaction, but I refused to give him such satisfaction. “You were pregnant at one point, and eventually gave birth. Correct?”

“It might be.”

“Yes or no, Erika.”

“Yes, mister detective.” My patience was wearing thin. The sarcasm was a natural thing for me when I became irritated.

“Where is that child right now?”

I almost smiled. Almost. “She's dead.”

“How did she die?” The officer's face paled slightly. “Did Johnathon kill the infant?”

“No. She died soon after birth. Apparentally, it was natural causes.” I could bullshit pretty well when I wanted too.

“You don't seem phased by her death. Is it, that by chance, you didn't intend to give birth?”

I could feel a headache coming. All these questions were nasty for me. “I was raped.”

“Johnathon wasn't the father?” He seemed shocked.

“Of course not. You seem surprised, but I did state that he and I were just friends.”

“You're right. I apologize for jumping to conclusions.” The officer sighed a bit, ruffling his hair. It was turning gray. I guess the job was finally getting to him. “Erika, why did Johnathon Danane commit suicide?”

“He was abusive. Maybe slightly too abusive. I tried to make a run for it.”

“You tried to escape?” The officer cut in. “That seems awfully harsh. Did he hold you against your will?”

“Yes,” I sighed. “He did. I escaped. Obviously, he couldn't take it if I left him.”

The officer nodded. What I said made total sense. He couldn't take it.

“You can go now, Erika. Although I suggest you do not leave this area in case further questioning is needed.”

I stood, the men showing me out the door. I was about to leave when my strides to freedom were brutally interrupted.

“Erika? Where you going?”

“Jamie?” I raised an eyebrow in questioning. “What are you doing here?”

She laughed a bit, shrugging. “I figured you wouldn't have anywhere to stay. They told me you probably had no one now.”

“What does that mean?” I was puzzled.

“Figured you'd need somewhere to go. I live 'bout ten minutes from town, if you wanna join me.”

Was she offering me a home? I smiled, nodding. No one had ever treated me this kindly before.

“That's great!” Jamie grabbed my hand, dragging me towards the exit.

I blushed, cursing my damned thoughts. Her hands were still soft, but yet cold. I couldn't help but notice how her jeans hung loosely below the hips, scarcely showing her stomach. Today, her hair was pulled back into a ponytail – the odd hair hanging down by her face. What really surprised me the most was the amount of makeup she was wearing. If I recalled correctly, Jamie had wore no makeup two days ago. Now, her makeup was thick and dark – outlining her big eyes so nicely. I looked like an old, rag doll compared to her.

“Don't mind the mess,” She warned me. “Haven't cleaned my car out in ages.”

Her car turned out to be an old, worn down truck. She unlocked my door and I got in, noticing that the truck was messy indeed.

I swear, I was deaf by the time we left the parking lot. The truck's engine roared, causing me to wince.

“Sorry for all the noise,” Jamie called over the sound. “I haven't had time to fix her up yet.” She laughed, it being drowned out by the engine.

Within a few minutes of growing used to the loud truck, I then spotted a house out in the field. It wasn't really a field. More of a flat, rolling prairie. And I couldn't help but suddenly dread what was to come. This place seemed so dull. How was I to survive? An idea suddenly crashed upon me. What if Jamie had a boyfriend? Or even family. Surely she wasn't living alone. I didn't want to intrude.

“Do you live alone?” I questioned.

Jamie chuckled, nodding slightly. “Yeah. I was run outta my own house when I was only seventeen. Been livin' on my own since.”

“Oh.” I felt bad for her, not sure how it would feel to be banished from your own home. Then again, she probably pitied me. After all, I was the poor girl with a suicidal boyfriend. Not to mention John wasn't my lover. He never was. So I don't understand why people believe otherwise.

“That's my house.” I barely heard Jamie speak over the loud engine.

The house was gorgeous, and three levels high – might I add. I envied the place for a moment – then realizing I'd be living there. It was your average farm house, but beautifully painted. The wooden frame seemed to tauntingly glow at me and I couldn't wait to see what the inside would look like.

Days passed, my life improving plenty. I could walk anywhere I wanted, whenever I wanted – for one. Such freedom was a wonderful thing. Jamie had lent me clothes, for we were about the same size. Unfortunately, those many final days with John had caused me to loose a ton of weight. Jamie was always complaining that I didn't eat enough.

Today wasn't a perfect day, though. It had been storming earlier, and from the look of the sky – it would storm again. I had planned on cooking dinner for my friend, but she failed to come home. I assumed it was because she worked late. Jamie co-owned a hair style salon in town. She often over-booked, never refusing customers. Although, she had never been this late before.

I glanced at the clock, my doubts settling in. Quarter past nine and she hadn't come home yet. My disappointment was clearly noticeable as I shuffled into the kitchen, grumpily. My hair had taken a good hour to do. I had wanted to surprise Jamie and show her that I could dress up. My makeup had taken quite longer, but that was because I was new to the whole makeup ordeal. And I was currently wearing a black skirt and emerald green blouse. I thought tonight would be perfect. Perfect how, I didn't know. It would be called lying if I denied the fact that I adored Jamie. Fantasies were fantasies. I longed to hold her. Just be with her until the end of our days. But, I couldn't help but wonder if I was lying to myself. Maybe I didn't want to be with Jamie. Maybe I was lonely, so I'd settle with anyone. Even a female, at that. I had never been attracted to a female before, nor a male really. Why have these motions come tumbling down on me so quickly then?

My thoughts were cut short at the sound of the front door closing. I headed to the main room, finding my friend standing there. She was soaked, I first realized.

“I-I'm sorry I'm late.” Her voice trembled and my heart ached for her.

Mascara smeared down her face, eyes swollen and red from crying. She fidgeted with the sleeve of her jacker, unable to look me in the eye.

“What happened?” I managed to croak out.

“You look nice.” Jamie sniffled some, wiping her nose with her sleeve.

I was upset she ignored my previous question. “What's a matter?” I demanded.

“N-nothing.” My friend offered a small smile, a few tears spilling down her cheeks. “Nothing at all.”

I stood there, not sure how to approach her. My Jamie – who had been so optimistic. And now, she was gone. Replaced with this sad girl. My heart ached so badly now and I felt myself wanting to cry. Blinking, I gulped back the tears.

“Don't worry about me, Erika.”

I wasn't reassured whatsoever by these words.

“Please, tell me what's wrong.”

Jamie nodded, finally giving in. “I got fired, that is all.”

“W-what?” I was flabbergasted. “You co-own the salon!”

“No,” Jamie moaned softly. “The government took the salon.” She clenched her fists, shaking her head. “Gods, I loved my job.”

“They can't do this!” I was outraged. I'm sure this wasn't the best approach. I should have remained calm, but it was hard to do so.

“But they did.”Jamie responded weakly. “They did.”

She took her coat, tossing it aside.

“I'm sorry for all this trouble, Erika.” My friend glanced at me finally. “I'm leaving tomorrow.”

Well, this throughly confused me. “Leaving where?”

“Just away.” She responded, heading for the stairs that led to the second floor. “I'm sure you can't come. The police don't wantcha to leave this lil' town, right?”

“No!” I cried suddenly. I feared being alone again. Running up to Jamie, I grabbed her hand. A jolt of electricity shot through me, making me shudder involuntarily. “You cannot leave me.”

Jamie searched my face for a moment, biting her bottom lip. “You'll be fine. Live here, in this house. I'll give you my savings, even.”

“No, please.” I begged. I tugged Jamie close, suddenly throwing my arms up and hugging her. “I'm afraid. Don't leave without me.” I gulped. “I mean, I'll come with you.”

My friend pulled back some, eyes wide. “You can't, Erika. It's -”

“It's what? Not what the police want?” I laughed, tears glistening in my eyes. “Fuck them, Jamie. You are so kind to me. I refuse to let someone like you just slip away.”

I immediately regretted saying this, realizing it would probably be taken the wrong way.

My mind became a complete haze, feeling warm lips press against my own. Jamie tasted of salty tears and honey, my tears slowly mixing into the bunch. I was left breathless, mouth on fire, when my friend finally pulled back.

“Don't you dare change your mind then.” Jamie teased, out of breath as well. “We leave tomorrow morning.”

And with that, she headed upstairs. I brought my fingers to my mouth, still tasting her. And despite the fact that I thought everything was going to be alright from now on, I still held this doubt that Jamie wasn't telling me something.

I'm disappointed with the lack of enthusiasm thus far. This story holds great potential for me, so I'd love reviews. Anything is helpful.

Yours Truly,
iNSANEmoments