I’m fifteen and scared

There’s this park

Where I know the drug addicts

Go to score and I’m scared of it

And she’s been going there

The girl I kinda sorta like

I asked her why she goes there

She says that her boyfriend goes there

And she goes there too

She doesn’t like what happens

But she says he loves her

I don’t love her

So who am I to tell her

I think I’m right but what do I know?

I go home

Where father looks at me

And worries

Telling me not to make too much noise

Mother is trying to sleep

And I’m falling all over myself

Trying to do my best for both of them

I want to be the good son

But I go out on Fridays

Where I meet that girl

Whose boyfriend isn’t around

What we do is “kid’s stuff”

As he calls it

I have a drink in my hand

I don’t like the taste

But I like the girl

I want her to like me

That’s why I’m here

She smiles at me

She has rings around her eyes

I want to know what’s wrong

I want to be the one she runs to

When things are going wrong

But I don’t know how to step forward

I’m sixteen with a pair of monkeys on my back

I’ve been drinking every weekend

I’m known by those who have the glassy eyed stares

They’re my friends

Though we only have bad jokes between us

They’re the kind of jokes that we don’t tell

In front of girls that we like

We’re all smooth talkers then

I haven’t talked to that girl in a while

Nor have I tried to anyway

Her boyfriend split

I don’t know what happened

She looks sad all the time

But who cares?

Not my problem

I’m seventeen and vomiting on the side of my house

Happy birthday to me

My father is woken up by the noise

We don’t have to worry about my mom anymore

Not after that fight

He holds my hair back

I spit out the last of it

“Rough night?”

“Great party”

And he laughs

We talk the next morning

I stop going to parties on weekends

I haven’t seen that girl

Not since her boyfriend got out of prison

I wonder about her now

I’m becoming reflective

My father and I realized

That needing each other isn’t a bad thing

There’s this girl

Whose posture I recognize

I want to walk over to her

I think about the things I’ve done

I smile at her and she smiles back

She works at bookstore

She’s very cute