Shoes, Boobs, and Prudes
serpentynepearl

Chapter Thirteen

"Oh shit."

Sean immediately leaped from behind the bed and ran over to Maddie's side; Gabe crawled around the bed and sat next to me, giving a low whistle.

"Now that put down all the fun."

I unhooked the shoes, and tossed them over next to Sean. He looked at me, one eyebrow lifting.

"Wave 'em in front of her nose," Gabe explained. "Naomi's done it to her a million times in front of her. She gets like a hunting dog."

I for one don't really get why she fainted. Call me thick, but our decorations were quite obvious. A couple of the spiders attached to our "webs" still had price tags attached.

"Gabe, the blood doesn't even look fake. How can she see a worm and scream, and then faint when she sees her new pair of shoes?"

He looked at me and deadpanned. "Dude, it's not the shoes. It's you. You're so ugly, you probably make that worm look like Heidi Klum."

I just gave him the finger.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

The shoes worked their... magic, you could call it, although results weren't as instantaneous as predicted. Apparently, the shoes we were waving in front of her nose didn't have an aroma that immediately clicked in her head, but, luckily, she came to, a couple prods before we got ready to decide who was certified to do CPR.

Maddie, however, did wreak a bit of her own revenge. When she came out of her faint with her head cradled in Sean's lap and realized what we'd done, and quite astutely, who was behind it, she grabbed a pair of stilettos and ordered us to take down everything we had set up.

I've got to say, though, I would not want to be on the receiving end of her left hook.

"You asshole," she hissed when her eyes fluttered open to see Sean's face right above. Both Gabe and I cringed as she swung; Sean now has a nice purple bruise on his stomach.

He, quite amusingly, barely flinched, and responded by pulling down his eyelids and sticking out his tongue. "Scaredy-cat."

She held up her stiletto, the heel inches away from his face and he immediately put his hands up.

"Surrender, surrender. I surrender - don't stick those needles in me!"

Maddie just sighed exasperatedly. "Shut up. Ugh, I have a gross headache now." She rubbed her eyes and shuddered. "Now put away those creepy spiders. Their plastic teeth are bugging me."

I escaped with sore shins, and Gabe managed to slide by with nothing but a short glare - but honestly, you can't even see the teeth on those fake spiders. Pfft, girls.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

I admit that one thing I appreciate about my stepsister is that she keeps to herself, so she didn't snitch about the prank like a whiny little peacock. It's probably because her ego's so big, Maddie doesn't want the world to know how she freaked about a couple of plastic bugs.

I mean, she barely acknowledges Diana until literally bribed with a pair of shoes. The guitar I got? I'd been looking at a guitar catalog when Diana and I were packing up for our cross-country haul, and she'd asked if I'd liked any specific one.

Even if it is a shock, I think it's quite rude to welcome your new family with saccharine grimaces and hair sniffing. I like my hair clean, without any boogers left on the follicles from imprudent, direct observations. That, and the fact that bogies are so BC hair styling products.

That night, I went over to Gabe's house, rather, his garage, just to listen in on the band's rehearsal; they were hired for this year's Homecoming, and after an hour and a half show-case, Roy, IF's bassist extraordinaire, would take over as DJ. Despite the influx of alumni support, Devonshire Prep's really, really thrifty when it comes to the entertainment budget.

Sean was just lying on the concrete, a sweatshirt rolled up underneath his head, between the two folding chairs Gabe and Roy sat in, just flipping his sticks up in the air and catching them as they fell. Hale, lead guitarist, was lounging on a beat-up sofa next to the drum set, strumming his guitar, and obligingly shifted his legs.

"Hey man, how'd your 'rents find out about the band?" he asked as I set down next to him. "Your ma hired us to play for some reception thing in December."

I choked... on air. "What the hell?"

Roy shifted his bass off his lap, and after jangling around in his pockets for a good seven minutes, extracted a crumpled envelope and letter and tossed it to me. "She wrote to us, gave us an invite, and asked if we'd like to play for pay." He slouched back in his seat. "We kinda wanted to check with you if it's okay, but either way, we're probably gonna do it; your 'rents are shelling up a grand."

"Each?!" Sean bolted up, his sticks clattering onto the floor.

"No, really." Roy rolled his eyes. "An amateur band and we're each getting a thousand bucks for screwing our little hearts out. A thousand lump, jackass."

"—Which is a pretty good deal for a band like us. That's twice what the school is paying for Homecoming," Gabe explained to me. "We're men and we're poor and we can't afford to tip, so we gotta take this gig."

I shrugged, "It's cool. Good luck rocking out in penguin suits, though; Diana was going over some of the plans for the reception, and it's definitely formal."

Clad in a grungy, threadbare T-shirt and liberally ripped jeans, Sean yet again sat up as his eyes widened liberally and he protested. "Tuxedos? Man, even for homecoming we can wear what we want. I hate weddings; those are for dinky little string quartets playing Mozart."

"Your brother gasped and shouted "Hallelujah!' when Diana was talking about it, then whispered something to Maddie about Christian Bale being on the guest list. The three of them then squealed, simultaneously, then Maddie just said that she thought guys in suits were 'so hot.'" Diana nodded, then passed a look at Mr. Black... and the rest of us at the dinner table rushed away as the raging libidos of our seniors took over.

Roy sniggered and preened, and Gabe flashed an understanding grin. Sean, on the other hand, looked suddenly quite contemplative, though he still pouted. "Well, I guess we could do it..."

"Dude, just because you're insecure about looking like a skunk in your tux doesn't mean the rest of us don't look killer. You can just fume in your corner behind the drums, and we'll steal all the ladies, right Ted?" Hale nodded at me, and we both chuckled at Sean.

"Oh, fuck you."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: It's Halloween, and I can't think. XD Anyway, here's the first half of chapter thirteen; the second half will be added when I think of it, presumably tomorrow or Saturday or Sunday. I'm going to a convention all day Friday, so no updates then.

Again, it's in Teddy's POV and unedited, if you guys hadn't seen from the last chapter. I'm growing, strangely, quite unsatisfied with my story... but then, there's not much thought going through my head these days. I'll try to insert deeper meaning as I go, but in the mean time, it really is starting to seem just like a series of disconnected vignettes than an actual story. Poop.

A/N2: It's after Thanksgiving, and I'm finally back. XD It's quite depressing when you don't even remember what the last thing you wrote was. So, I buckled down today, and finally updated; I hope you guys like it, and I do think I have my groove back. Because winter's generally my evil season, don't expect weekly updates like before my sudden hiatus, but I will attempt to update every now and then. XP

Thanks to: Wenjing, the BETA; Elly, Alice, LandUnderWave, missindependant89, LightningStruckBlackDog, skipthepretenses, and freelancewriter! Review responses have been uploaded!

Review, or my skeleton bunny and I will eat you. Rawr.