Trisha had always been my best friend and I could trust her enough to confide in her everything.

Except for the fact that I was in love with her long time boyfriend, one year fiancé and tomorrow's husband.

Footsteps echoed down the courtyard and didn't catch my attention until a voice joined. "Still sitting here, Rach? I swear, I thought you would be in there with the rest of them. Partying it up." Jumping from shock, I heard him chuckle softly.

"Nick," I breathed, clutching my heart to steady it's beating.

"Well, hello to you too, Ms. Rachael." He smiled; a grin that would've made me weak in the knees had I been standing. His smile was infectious and I could do nothing to keep myself from returning it. Taking a seat beside me, he gently punched my arm. "So what's up? How come the prettiest maid of honor's not getting her groove on?"

I stared blankly at one of my oldest friends. "I'm the only maid of honor." I pointed out.

"All the more reason." Nicholas smiled. I glared at him, but he couldn't help but laugh. "But seriously I do hear there is a blast going on inside."

"Oh, yeah?" I asked skeptically. "And how would you know?"

"Well, I can hear the stereo." Nick replied simply. "And whatever beats you cool cats are jammin' to nowadays. I mean, to me, it just sounds like noise but," he paused his old man routine long enough to shrug. "Hey. I won't complain. I can be jiggy with it." I laughed out loud. The thought of Nicholas getting 'jiggy with it' was too fun a mental picture.

I saw Nicholas watching me and smiling warmly, his ocean blue orbs sparkling as he locked his gaze on me. The power of his eye contact was just enough to cut my laughter and send chills running down my spine. I stared back at him, hypnotized to his beautiful irises. When the silence was broken again, he spoke softly. "Hey, Rachael," he raised his tanned fingers to brush a loose strand of hair from my eye. "How come you don't have a steady guy?" They question tugged painfully at my heartstrings. My gaze broke away and lowered to stare at the ground beneath us. Nicholas took that moment to drape an arm across my shoulders. "I'm sorry." He apologized, thinking me for hurt. "I didn't mean to be rude or upset you like that." A deep intake of breath resolved all issues. Plastering a would-be cheery smile across my face, I stole all my bravado to look at him again.
"I'm fine." I lied straight through my teeth. I continued to smile, praying as I sat beside the one my soul belonged to that he would never guess I was hurting. "I didn't mean to make you think there was anything wrong. But, in answer to your question... I guess I never did find the right man for me." And as I said those words, they seemed to spill off a foreign tongue. All along inside my head, I could hear that little voice screaming: It's you. I want you, fool! You are the only one I have ever truly loved! Oh, how I longed to say those words; to break the silence that had consumed me for so long. I was a friend to Trisha first and my feelings for Nick always took a backseat to my loyalty.

And yet... as the spice-induced cologne of the chestnut color haired man wafted over me... I knew how much I loved him. My feelings for him would always consume and (inevitably) torture me.

As I lay lost in my own thoughts, staring at the man my heart craved, I didn't notice my tears until my vision became completely obscured. Hiding my face in my palms, I let said river of tears flow freely and strip away any defenses I had been holding up. Shocked by the (apparent) sudden onslaught of emotion, Nicholas sat there for several moments; not knowing what to do. I finally felt his reassuring arm fall across my shoulders as he pulled me closer to him. I fell into his chest and I seemed to fit so perfectly in that position.

The knowledge of this was only one more slice at my already breaking heart.

"I'm sorry," I blubbered through my tears; both fighting to control myself and letting myself appear vulnerable so he would comfort me. After several minutes of sobbing, where I was sure my dress would be drenched, I stopped crying. I smiled sheepishly, my cheeks fading into a darker shade of red to show my embarrassment. Drawing away from him, I wiped my tears with the back of my hand, trying to recover from my incident. "Sorry," I apologized once again when I was a little more cleaned up.

"Don't be ridiculous." Nick shook his head and pulled a clean handkerchief from his pocket. I stared at it for a moment as he held it out to me.

"You have one in your pocket?"

"I brought it for my mother." He replied vaguely, shrugging it off. "You know how women cry at weddings."

I stared at him more pointedly. "I don't."

He returned my stare. After several passing moments of dead silence, he whispered, "I hate to break it to you, sweetheart; but you... uh... just did cry at the wedding. Well... technically it's the rehearsal for the wedding... but same diff., right?"

"No," I smiled, shaking my head for added enthusiasm. I reached out my hand and removed the handkerchief from his; removing what little else was left of my fallen tears. "But nice try."

"Ah, I do try." He murmured as a sigh escaped his lips. I had to laugh again; at which he reacted to with another charming and head-over-heels smile. My heart flew into my throat and I returned the gesture of a smile. After a little more silence had settled in between us, he cleared his throat and asked, "So... mind me asking what you were crying about?" I opened my mouth to say something when he quickly added, "Without the humor defense mechanism?" My mouth shut again and he smiled smugly at knowing what I had been about to do.

"It wasn't anything, really." I smiled softly, tearing my eyes away from his once again and looking out onto the green yard. "I've just been friends with Trisha for a long time... and with you, it seems even longer because every day is another day of torture."

"Oh, I'm sure." Nicholas stated sarcastically and nodded his head in exuberance. I smiled and nodded my head right back at him.

"It is, actually." I smiled. Getting back on topic of my cover-up lie, I fiddled with my fingers on my lap. "It just feels like you guys have grown up a lot, you know? We're finally adults."

"Oh, no!" Nick gasped loudly. Placing his arms around me, he pulled me close and looked up pointedly at the starry filled night sky. "Say it isn't so! I wish to never grow up, Peter!" I laughed and pushed him away.

"I'm serious." I tried to make myself sound as I claimed, but my tone still made me sound like a little kid who wasn't getting her way.

"Right." Was all Nick responded with. He watched me several more seconds before leaning closer and kissing my cheek briefly. Standing up, he ruffled my hair. "But, just so you know, I am always here to listen to what you were really crying about. You know; when the moment strikes you." Smiling with that never extinguished sparkle in his eye, he turned and headed back towards the blasting stereo of the rehearsal party.

As he slowly started to disappear from me, I knew that I would have to act fast if I ever wanted him to know how I felt. Tell him. My mind yelled at me. Tell him now. Tomorrow he's going to be married to Trisha and you would've lost your chance. Nothing will come of it, but you should let him know how you feel. Tell him you love him!

He was walking along the stone pathway that led directly to the wooden porch--

Tell him!

His right foot rose to meet with the bottom stair--

Say "I love you"!

He was almost to the door--

Say it NOW!

His hand was reaching out to grasp the doorknob--

"Nicholas?" I had hardly realized his name had slipped across my tongue until I saw him turn.

"Yeah?" He asked, his eyebrows raised to show his inquiry. He paused in action and faced me. "What's up?"

"I... I..." I fumbled with something to say; clutching at what I had wanted to tell him. Say you love him. Say he'll always own your heart; no matter what. Say it to him now before he gets married! "I..."

"Are you okay?" He asked. It was obvious through body language that he was in a mental struggle: whether to stay where he was or go to the side of a vulnerable woman holding the cruel stick of unrequited love.

I smiled, all of a sudden feeling a wave of calm sink in around me. Meeting his eyes once again, I nodded my head. "Yea, I'm fine."

"Did... you need something?" He asked, still waiting to see if I was truly alright.

"I just wanted to tell you..." I LOVE YOU! "That I appreciate all you do for me."

Nicholas looked confused; his median between shocked and annoyance. "Oh. Uhm... you're welcome..." He turned slowly after this message, still not sure how to take my confession. He sent one last glance over his shoulder before slipping inside.

No sooner had he disappeared than tears once again flooded my cheeks and rained upon me. I beat my legs with my closed fists, frustrated with myself. My heart was ripped open; a self-inflicting wound. Yet I knew that what I had done was for the best. My feelings, no matter how true they might have been, were meaningless in retrospect to Nick's and Trisha's relationship. I didn't wanna spoil their good fortune with my unnecessary confession of love.