Unreachable

You left me standing there, all alone in my room. You took everything with you, so I didn't even have one small and insignificant trinket of yours to hold onto. I could see you from my window. I watched you climb into your car and drive away.

You didn't look back once. Did you?

I cried.

You called me, when you were halfway there. Just to tell me how the drive was going and how tired you were. You found a rest stop. Congratulations. I kept the tremors from my voice. You never suspected a thing did you?

After a week of being there, you uploaded photos onto your server. I looked at them, I really did. You looked happy, like you were having so much fun. You never looked that happy here. I cried again, there, too.

I see you online a lot. We still talk. I still cry.

But you don't know anything, do you? You don't know how hard it is for me to watch all my friends with their significant others...all I can do is think back on what I used to have. And miss it. Miss you.

You don't know how much I miss those late night runs to Perkins or hanging out at Holiday around 3:00 am. You don't know how much I miss watching House with you late into the night. You don't know how much I miss curling up next to you and falling asleep.

I don't let you know how much it hurts me. Because it would only hurt you, too. I don't want to hurt you. I'd rather suffer alone, by myself. This seems to be the way my life always goes.

I know you're happy down there. I know you're going to do something great with your life. I hope you do, that is my sincerest wish for you. I want you to remain happy and carefree. I want you to dream big and chase after your goals. I want you to succeed.

If you knew how sad I was, it would only hold you back.

You don't want to leave them, your friends down there. I don't want to be the one that forces you to leave. But this distance...it's an unbearable strain. Maybe not for you, but for me...it hurts.

I cry a lot, just thinking about how far away you are now. I cry when I remember all the stupid little things we used to do. The smile slowly fades from my face and I feel hot tears sliping down my cheeks. It's hard to stop them once they start.

But you don't know. You'll never know.

I'll just keep going, faking a smile for you, so you can be happy. Because that's what I want.

I love you...