Slap and Talk

Xzin was just walking down the street when someone appeared out of nowhere and slapped him across the face. Now why would he do that? Told in dialogue.

“OWWW! WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT FOR? Why are you laughing, this is certainly not funny”

“I am not laughing. I’m merely amused at your reaction due to a petty slap on the cheek.”

“A petty slap on the cheek? Of course I would react if a stranger walked up to me and slapped me across the face for no apparent reason! I could take you to court for this!”

“You are taking me to court for slapping you? Do you have a history of being quick-tempered?”

“No, I don’t and I didn’t say I was taking you to court, I said that I could take you to court but I won’t since I am a nice person.”

“You are a nice person? Would a nice person react so viciously when an innocent man makes a direct contact to his cheek? Please clarify me on that, because I am not sure what consists of a nice person.”

“But you slapped me across the face! Of course I would react viciously! What? I didn’t even act viciously, I acted normally!”

“You acted normally? Please enlighten me with your definition of a normal behaviour. Will a normal person shriek at merely being touched? Would he hold an argument, such as you are, to something totally illogical that isn’t worth debating about?”

“What are you talking about? You’re the one who started arguing with me because you slapped me out of nowhere when I was walking down the street. I should be furious!"

“I beg your pardon sir, but can you answer this: How can you be furious for a pat across the cheek when we live in a world where women are titled sluts because they choose to wear fishnet stockings, bustiers and take part in exotic dancing to make ends meet?”

“There is no reason to compare the two because that is not what we are talking about. We were talking about the fact that you, a stranger, crossed the street , walked up to me and struck me-a person who has no idea who you are-across the face.”

“Now you think that issue doesn’t matter? You choose to brush the topic of feminism off just because you’re too caught up on a tap across the cheek? I wonder how you would react if I brought up the subject of abortion issues or women being made into presidents. But oh, no, how could I even wonder about such a thing? Of course, a person like yourself would choose to jump onto another subject because you don’t care about such matters. You are not a female so it does not concern you.”

“Why do you keep shoving words in my mouth? I wasn’t talking about that! Your brutal assault has nothing to do with feminism, abortion and or women rights and frankly, I think you are the one changing the subject.”

“Ahh now you are enraged because I began discussing worldly issues. Tell me, as a normal person, are you doing anything at all to improve the quality of life for less fortunate people in the world or do you get caught up in meaningless fights all day thus you have zero time to perform such humbling tasks?”

“Look, I am tired from looking through countless law documents to spot a mistake day after day-“

“What about child la-"

“Until you interrupted me, I was just about to head on the subway, get to the office, and sit there for ten hours on my bottom. The idea is not appealing, is it? But imagine how I would feel if a person banged me across the face an-"

“Sir, I am sure if you calmed down, we could settle this-"

“JUST SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!”

Ten Minutes Earlier

“People are so brain dead these days! When I speak of tribal quarrels in Africa, do you know what the say?”

“What?”

“Oh! That reminds me of Dejavu by Beyoncé, you know how she was doing that African dance in the woods? It made her look kinda weird and possessed, but still, it was sooo cool.”

"Hahahaha..."

“Hey, why are you laughing? It is not funny! I am being serious, people are BRAIN DEAD! They can memorize the lyrics to “White America” but they have no idea who the vice president of our country is.”

“Umm I don't really know either...”

“Argghhhh! Do I have to slap someone to get an intellectual debate?”

Present

“So does it work?”

“Nah, they just get pissed.”