Contradict Me?

What I want I can not get,

What I seek is father yet.

In my soul lies the truth,

Yet in my heart lies no fruit.

Consciously I will not find,

Anything I wish to call mine;

But buried deep below,

Everything is worth much more so.

Will this torturous world ever end?

With it’s promises that seek to bend;

But bend I will not to its will,

My strength will hold me steadfast still.

Strong of self I appear,

But that only hides my fear.

My truths remain six feet under every time I strike the dirt,

And after that, all I see is six years of blunder and hurt.

Will the desires of my flesh

Not release me from its nest.

Yet when my heart fights to do its bidding,

All I feel is my resolve slipping.

And as my mind holds the race of my dreams

I stand alone pondering, am I really more than I seem?