Unsaid

Soft music.
That is what he is.
I barely hear his breathing.
But I know that he is breathing for me.

“What did you do with it?
That hole in your chest?
I know it must hurt.
Losing your heart like that…,”

He smiles.
A sliver of a grimace.
It’s my smile.
He stole it from me.
The thief.

“I filled it with something else.
It doesn’t hurt so much anymore.
But sometimes, when it’s raining.
And you’re moaning into your knees.
I let it go…just for you,”

His hand slides up my shirt.
I know what he is looking for.
He’s reaching under my breastbone.
To see.
If I am less whole than he is.
I frown.

“Don’t lie to yourself.
It doesn’t become you.
And it’s not just because
I have to pretend.
That I am happy,”

I look away then.
But the soft music is still there.
And so is my smile.
I want to…

“Be happy?
It’s not that hard.
You just have to let go.
Of that ugly streak of yours,”

He doesn’t understand.
He wouldn’t.
Soft music only entertains.
It doesn’t solve.
The puzzles of an empty chest.

“What did you fill it with?
And where is your heart anyway?
It shouldn’t be hard to lose.
Or are you just careless?”

I look into his steady eyes.
Steady music.
I begin counting.
In my head.
I move forward.
Pressing my face to his chest.

“Your heart can beat.
For mine.
Your breaths.
Can fill my lungs.
And yes.
I am very careless…,”