Unsaid

Soft music
that is what he is
I barely hear his breathing
words

“What do you do with
that hole in your chest?
I know it must hurt
to lose your heart like that…”

He smiles
a sliver of a grimace
It’s my smile
He stole it from me
the thief
who I interrupt

“I filled it with something else.
It doesn’t hurt so much anymore,
except sometimes, when it’s raining
and you’re moaning into your knees.”

His hand slides up my shirt
I know what he is looking for
He’s reaching under my breastbone
to see
if I am less whole than he is

“Don’t lie to yourself.
It doesn’t become you
and it’s not just because
I have to pretend
that I am happy.”

I look away then
but the soft music is still there
and so is my smile
I want to…

“Be happy?
It’s not that hard.
You just have to let go
of that ugly streak of yours.”

He doesn’t understand
He wouldn’t
Soft music only entertains
It doesn’t solve
an empty chest

“What did you fill it with?
And where is your heart anyway?
It shouldn’t be hard to lose
or are you just careless?”

I look into his steady eyes
steady music
I begin counting
in my head
I move forward
pressing my face to his neck

“Yes,
I am very careless.”