Chapter Three

Ayden picked me up after school every day; He'd show up at around a quarter to four so no one on campus would suspect anything. The school was deserted by then. The easy part was hiding my relationship from the school, the hard part was coming up with excuses to give Allie so she wouldn't suspect anything. It had been close to a month and a half since Ayden and I became 'official' and I was seriously starting to run out of excuses. On Tuesday night, Ayden drove me home after I had spent the afternoon with him. The moon's light was casting its rays upon his face accentuated his bronze toned skin making him appear more gorgeous. My heart was pounding with anxiety because I knew my mom was home, the Ford Focus was in the driveway. I knew I had to get inside before she freaked out. I let out a disappointed sigh and pulled my hand away from Ayden's. I started to walk towards my apartment when, Ayden said, "Rory, wait." He reached out and grabbed my hand again. I gazed back at him, I noticed my mother in front of the window. "Why are you so jumpy?" he asked as his hands came down to rest on my wrists.

I nervously glanced over at the window again just as her shadow moved away. "My mom."

"Don't worry about her, alright?" he said as he caressed my cheek and made me look at him

"B-but, she doesn't approve of me being gay and all…."

He placed his index finger against my lips to quiet me then pulled me closer. "What did I tell you about be ashamed of us?" he asked, his voice becoming serious

"I know." I looked at him and wondered why he couldn't understand how my mom would react if she saw us—like this.

"Don't be afraid of what other people think of you." His eyes looked into mine and I couldn't help but smile. "It's not that, it's my mom," I argued, but I knew he wasn't going to let me win this one.

He glanced over at the window, then back at me and succinctly said, "kiss me."

"What?"

"You heard me. Kiss me."

My heart skipped a beat. "Here? Are you crazy?" I hissed. I could feel my palms starting to sweat.

He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at me seriously. "Again, you heard me, I said, kiss me."

I took a deep breath, knowing that there was no way I could get out of this. I peered up at him and sigh as I moved closer to him. I felt his hand come to rest on my hips after he brushed my hair away from my face, I closed my eyes as I felt his warm, soft lips gently graze against mine. My heart started pounding harder in my chest as he slowly pulled away from me. I opened my eyes and gazed deep into those hazel eyes. "That wasn't so bad was it?" he asked smiling.

I took a deep breath before I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him again. His arms encircled my lower waist, embracing me tightly as he passionately returned my kiss.

That time I was the one to pull away. I smiled slowly disengaging our embrace and walked towards the front door. I felt as though I was walking on clouds. I opened the front door then look back to see him walking back to his car occasionally glancing back and smiling. I closed the front door and leaned up against it. I felt so…. I don't know, I couldn't describe it. It felt like nothing could bring me down. But, then reality hits me.

"Where the fuck were you?" my mom asked as she emerged from the dark hallway, her arms crossed over her chest as she stared at me angrily.

"I had a date." I answered locking the door. I tried hard not to make eye contact and to keep my answers short, hoping maybe she would drop it and let me go without trying to interrogate me.

"I could see that, and with your fucking fag friend. I'm not fucking blind. Are you fucking crazy?" she screams.)

"So what? I am gay. Why does it even matter?"I asked defensively

"Do you have any idea what people at church say about you? What did I do wrong? I blame your father for this. This is all his fault" She said as I got a glass out of the cupboard and filled it with water.

"First of all, dad would not have cared. He knew I was gay and he accepted me, unlike you. Secondly, if people at church bug you so much, stop going." I took a sip of my water. "Neither you nor anyone else is going to change who I am."

She looked at me shocked that I even dared to talk back to her. "You are just like your father!" she shouted as I set the glass down on the counter. "You think you're just, oh so, better than everyone else."

I knew better then to argue with her. "Well I'm not going to put up with this. You are my son and as long as you're living under my roof, you will obey me. I do not want you seeing that boy again."

I rolled my eyes as I walked past her and in a defiant voice, stated, "I'm 17, you can't control who I hang out with."

"HELL IF I CAN'T MISTER, NO SON OF MY IS GOING TO BE A FAG!" she screamed as she viciously slapped me across my face. I put my hand over my stinging cheek and look at her shocked. I couldn't believe she hit me. I took gasped and ran quickly towards my room without saying anything to her. I was too shocked she didn't do or say anything further; staggered into the kitchen I was sure to pour herself another drink.

Once in my room, I sat on the edge of my bed, I felt my tears beginning to form, I then let go with a spate of tears. I missed my dad. I missed having someone I could talk to. It hurt to breathe as I took a deep breath as I reached for something under my mattress. I could feel my heart hammering and my hands shook as I pull out a small exacto-knife. I reached over and turned on my CD player as I stared down at the knife in my hand. I didn't want to feel anything I just wanted to be numb and emotionless. I wanted to be back in Ayden's arms, even if it was just for a minute. I wanted to capture that feeling of safety one more time.

I was sick of the pain. I hated feeling like no matter how hard I tried to accomplish things to make my mother proud of me they never work. I bit into my bottom lip nervously, feeling the cold metal ring against my teeth. I rolled up the sleeve on my right arm. I continued to stare down at the knife before I gently pressed the blade against my skin. I shuddered slightly as I drew , the cold blade slashed slowly across my arm. I took in a deep breath as I placed the blade just below my wrist and cut deep into my arm again, making a four inch long "X" down my arm. I closed my eyes tightly and bit into my lip as I felt a sharp stinging pain, then the warmth of blood running down my arm. I opened my eyes slowly and looked down at my wrist, which was covered in blood. I reached for the blanket on the bed and slowly wiped the blood from my arm. I winced slightly as the cotton made the cuts sting. I lay down in bed, bringing my knees slowly up to my chest, my cut up arm lying under my pillow. I wiped the tears from my eyes and just lay there in the dark listening to music.

I walked nervously through the crowded halls of Easton High constantly pulling the sleeve of my shirt down over my hands hoping that no one would see my cuts, even though I knew perfectly well that they couldn't. When I get to my English class, I took my seat by the window in the back and wanting to feel invisible, stared down at the desk. I cant focus on anything in particular when I have a million thoughts racing through my mind. I was so out of it that I didn't even notice Allie walk in and sit in the desk beside me. "Hey Hon," She said. I slowly looked up at her and forced a smile. "Hey." I answered; my voice is emotionless—almost cold.

She looked at me worriedly, "Are you alright?" the back of her hand comes to rest gently on my arm, barely touching the cuts making me wince and I abruptly pulled my arm away.

"Rory?" she asked in an alarmed voice, giving me that protective Allie-glare.

"What?" I said a little too loudly. I was trying so hard to not make a scene but Allie wasn't helping the situation very much.

She took a deep breath and looked away from me then directly into my eyes. "Come with me." She said standing up.

I looked at her because I knew she was going to make me show her my arm. I glanced up at the clock in front of the classroom. Trying to find a way to avoid what I was sure to happen, "Allie, class starts in three minutes," I say hoping that she'll drop it.

Allie looked over at him and then back at me. "I don't care. Outside. Now!" She said, crossing her arms and walking in the direction of the door.

I let out a heavy sigh as I followed her out of the classroom; my legs were shaking so much I feared I'd fall. My heart raced as I stepped out of the classroom and into the hallway. The bell rang and the remainder of the students who were loitering made their way quickly to their classes. Allie was facing away from me, her arms crossed. I could tell she was trying figure out how she was going to approach this situation. I leaned up against the lockers behind me and watched her carefully as she paced back and fourth in the hall, her eyes focused on the floor.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" she finally said to me, her eyes meeting mine.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and took in a deep breath. "What do you mean?" I answered trying to play dumb since she had made no remark that she knew about my arm.

She glared at me angrily and rolled her eyes as she walked over to me. "Don't play fucking stupid with me, Rory. I am not some dumb blonde who doesn't know her best friend." She forcefully spat between gritted teeth. She started rolling my sleeve up. I tried to stop her but without success before I could even try she had already exposed my arm. She let out a horrifying gasp before putting her hand against her mouth and closed her eyes. I closed my eyes too, mostly because I wasn't expecting her to see my arm let alone revealing what I had done. "What were you thinking?" she asked as her fingers gently traced the cuts on my arm.

I took a deep breath and let her continue tracing my cuts. "I wasn't…" I want to tell her everything… I knew it would hurt her and I didn't want to cause her anymore pain then I already had. I want to tell her what a bitch my mother had been lately and about Ayden. I want to tell her everything that I had been keeping from her. But I couldn't.