Kiss my ass and lay me to sleep

I hate you, I love you.

When you enter the room, delicate steps covered in lace, when you look at me, I want to kill you, tear you into shreds, kiss you, hold you. When you smile at me, only I can see the feral grin you’re hiding beneath that lovely face of yours, I want to look away.

When you talk to me, that sweet tone covered in honey, whispering sweet nothings to me, twisting words and promises at your will, only I can hear the deadly threats you really make. It makes me want to cover my ears, my eyes from all those lies, all that façade you’re pulling. It makes me want to scream at you, to tell you to quit playing the beautiful role of the nice person that you in fact aren’t. It makes me come closer when you command me, doing whatever you want. I’m at your mercy completely, and you know it.

When you touch me, soft fingers running up my cheek gently, caressing my neck, my hair, only I can feel the cruel claws ripping at my skin, sending shivers down my body and I want to flinch and hide away in a corner. Yet I arch in your hands, my body begging for more like the whore I am.

I hate you, kiss my ass.

And when you’re walking at school, laughing with your friends, talking to the teachers with that air around you like you can handle the whole world on your own ( you probably could if you wanted). When you help other students with their problems, when you thank someone for a favor. Everyone believes you.
I don’t.
I just want to hit you.
When you sit next to me in class – head turned away, chatting merrily with someone – I want to hurt that person that badly, I want you to speak to me, paying attention to me, and not to some insignificant idiot. I want you to think I’m more important than any other, just like I know you are the only person in my life. I want you to show you care, yet the moment you look at me with your half-smile and black eyes, all I want is to crawl in a corner and die.’

You’re the worst person I’ve ever known, and I’ve known quite a number of jerks and hungry old perverts in my young life.

I don’t know, I want to be hold by you, I want to run away from you, I want to kiss you, hit you, I want you to love me, forget me, fuck me into the mattress.

Why are you that way? You with your twisted tongue, you with your double-edged words, with your sweet sharp eyes, you blood-red lips, you gentle claws…why can’t you be just a normal, nice person? Why can’t you be simply an idiotic jerk? Why can’t you just handle me like whore worth of nothing, paying me for my job and then just leave me alone? Why can’t you just say it’s me who is the most important thing, that it doesn’t matter what I am? Why are you that bastard you are, taking both sides of my coin, confusing and addicting me? I want to break lose of those bonds that bind me to you so tight, so scarily tight, I want to get closer to you, being able to smile at you, and kill you, maybe love you.

I hate you, I love you.

Kiss my ass, bastard, and lay me to sleep with your poisonous voice. You’re like a river that drowns gently, a poison that crawls into my skin without being noticed until it’s to late. Like a danger that I can’t keep my eyes off, like some forbidden fruit I want to taste. Like a paradise, only not for me, because I’m the child of the devil.

Kiss my ass, and lay me to sleep.