|All I Need and More
Author: Chaddieboi PM
SLASH. Nathan is a 16 year old gay boy with a secret. When he starts dating his crush, will his secret come out? Or will he be able to keep it hidden? Warning: graphic slash, some abuse, foul language. but where would we be wo it?Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 13,065 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 38 - Updated: 08-11-07 - Published: 08-09-07 - id: 2401252
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: This story I had posted incorrectly on fanfiction, because I did not know that there was a fictionpress or what it entailed. So, now I have corrected myself... and here, my little kiddies, is the story, correctly placed, and ready for reading and reviewing!! And those who have followed me here from the last chap of "The Last Line" in fanfic, I hope you enjoy this as much as youi enjoyed my FAKE fanfic.
Chapter One: A Long Awaited Kiss
I watched them play basketball from the corner of my eye. Well, I guess I had more attention on them than on my friends next to me on the bleachers. To hell with it, I completely ignored my friends. They weren't there. I kept my eyes fixed on the glistening bodies on the court, especially HIS. Chad Riley. Star basketball player, not the most popular boy in school, but definitely the cutest, the funniest, and the most promiscuous.
I know its nothing to be particularly proud of. He was a player on and off the court, but that was his choice. Chad had slept with more girls than Terry Mimsey had freckles, even a few boys came out and said he had made passes at them at the very least. But it was never me he hit on. I wanted it to be me. I stand at his locker every day after school, pretending to be paying attention to my friends. Praying that now he would finally notice me, that he would suddenly discover I was everything he needed. That he'd turn and smile, try to make converstation.
One day I'd thought I had the chance at lunch. Chad and his friends had come to sit at our table, and I sat there, trying to ignore how close he was, sitting across from me. It was unbearable. One of my friends, it's blurry who exactly, kept nudging me in the ribs and whispering to me to stop staring, that he could see me. But all I wanted to do was tell him how much I completely adored him, how long I've wanted to just kiss him. But his friends were there and my friends were there, and I couldn't get up the courage.
I briefly thought about asking to talk to him alone... I remember I had sighed, expanding on being alone with him out in the hallway, away from all the chattering people. I had stood up, ready to throw my nervous words at him when the bell rang. I had spent all lunch imagining ludacris possibilities and missed my chance.
But now I have another. The game is over, Chad's team had won, of course. They were high-fiving eachother on the way off court, heading to the showers. I stood up eagerly, not wanting to miss my chance again. I made my way clumsily down the bleachers, wide-stepping from seat to seat.
I made it to the ground and bolted to the fence. He was jogging by, close enough that I'd be able to grab his shirt through the fence if I tried. one of his teammates was patting him on the back, congradulating him. the other boy dissapeared and I trotted along beside Chad Riley.
He had such long, slender legs...
"Chad?" I said timidly. He hesitated in his step and turned to me, coming to a slow stop. Those eyes captured my breth and wouldn't let go."Hey..." I said quietly, "Um, m-my names Nathan"
"Hi Nathan. Nice to meet you." Chad smiled as if I was the small, slow child I felt like.
"I was wondering..." I whispered.
"I was wondering," I said louder, "if you would like to h-hang out with me, uh, sometime and-"
"Oh, sure, like what? Right now?" He asked. He said yes? He said yes. Holy shit, he said yes! I couldn't help the way my mouth suddenly froze up.
"Uh, now? no... I cant right now." I was already late getting home. I stopped myself from checking my watch, Laura was going to kill me. Some of the boys on Chad's team called for him from the entrance to the gym.
"I'll be there in a minutes guys!" Chad called over his shoulder, then turned back to me, "Yeah, tomorrow after school?"
I nodded excitedly, trying not to smile too broadly.
"If that's okay with you." I answered, remembering tomorrow was Wednesday, Chad hangs out with his friends every Wedneday.
"Yeah, it's cool. But I have t go, everyone needs me over there. I'll see you at my locker." he smiled a knowing smile.
"Okay." I murmured, holding tight to the fence between us, trying not to faint.
Then he went off to join his team in thier celebration, his sandy hair bouncing and glittering in the sunlight. As soon as he was out of sight I turned and clamored back up to my friends in the bleachers.
Gina stood to greet me.
"We saw you talking to him!" she squealed "I'm so proud of you, yoou finally managed to do it."
My heavy blush deepened when they swarmed me with questions and advice, bickering with each other about what could've been said.
one question shut everyone up real quick.
"You're going to have sex with him, aren't you?"
I stared at James in the silence that followed. It was true I fantisized about it a lot, but I never really figured it would happen.But of all of them to ask that, why him? I had broken up with him just before school started, but it didnt change the fact that he was the second boy I had ever been with, and I his first. Gina broke the silence as usual.
"That doesn't matter, I want to know what the infamous Chad Riley said!" She always knew how to calm the tensions between James and I.
I couldnt stop shaking.
"So you have a date with him?" Gina asked.
"I guess you could call it that. I said 'hang out' but I dont know if he knows I'm gay." I muttered.
"Maybe you should tell him, clear it up, you know?" she suggested. I shook my head.
"That would be creepy."
"How so? He'd know you're crushing on him and maybe he'd start to like you back, you are pretty cute, you know."
"That couldn't happen. He'll going to find out and he'll get scared."
"Scared of what?"
"I don't know, he'd probably feel threatened or something."
"Are we talking about the same Chad?" Gina asked, "This is the Chad Riley that has slept with countless people. He's been with girls whether they're ugly, fat, anything. When you think about it he seems kind of desperate."
"He's not desperate! Why would he be desperate? Have you even looked at him? He's gorgeous, he could get anyone he wants."
"Alright, I'll take your word for it. You'll have to tell me anything and everything that happens tomorrow. But be careful."
"Okay mother." I rolled my eyes at her. We had come to my house.
"See you tomorrow Nathan."
"Bye!" I called back, running up the path and into my home.
"Hi honey, how was your day?" Mom asked from the counter. How... motherly. It grossed me out."Good, mom." I dropped my backpack on the floor and went straight for thr refridgerator. I opened it and peered in. Nothing sweet. I closed it and plopped myself in a kitchen chair.
I watched mom cutting carrots, preparing a dinner I wouldn't be eating. But she was such a good cook and I envied her so much. Her mother had taught her everything, and grandma never shared with me. But that could be because I'd only met her once at a Christmas party, and even then I barely got to talk to her at all. I'd been too busy serving and entertaining because Laura had been too drunk. Speaking of-
"Mom, is Laura working late tomorrow?" I asked.
"I dont know." Mom sighed, turning to lean on the counter. "Maybe. She hasnt worked late in a while, why? Do you want to go out or something?"
"Yeah." I had to tell her the good news. "I finally talked to Chad and he said we could hang out tomorrow"
"Oh really? Is that why you were so late today? Fooling around with him."
"No." I blushed, I wish, "I was watching his game."
"Did you ask him before or after the game?"
"Did you get a kiss?"
"Of course not! Like my nerves could handle that." I giggled.
Mom laughed shortly, but quickly stopped, hand over the split lip that reopened from the force of her smile.She turned away from me and pulled the vasaline out of the cabinet, dabbing some on the cut.
I hated seeing her feeling so vulnerable and so accustomed to it.
Then Laura came home.
The instant we heard the car pull up mom threw the vasaline back into the cupboard, I grabbed my bag and ran for the stairs, and up into my room. I shut the door as quietly as I could, not wanting her to know how late I got home. I tossed my backpack on the floor and picked up a book, made sure it was right-side up, lay on my stomache on the bed and pretended to read. Downstairs I could hear Laura's cruel voice chewing out my mother, berating her for not having dinner ready yet.
"Stop it!" I heard mom cry.
I wanted to go downstairs and tell her to get her goddamn hands off my mom, but I was too scared, terrified of being chased out of the house with a knife again. I shuddered, remembering how I had to climb the tree, conveniently leading up to my window to get into my room that night.
Why did mom lover her so much? What did she see in her?
"Nathan!" I winced. My turn. I snapped my book shut and nervously made my way to the kitchen.
"What took you so long? Help your damn incompitent mother finish dinner." Laura snapped from where she sat at the table. "You two shits were overestimated, I thought you could get this done. I'm having fucking company tonight, hurry the hell up."
I went to the sink and tried to figure out what mom had been making. Mom moved to stand by me and quietly instructed me on what to do and what to get for her. So we worked alongside eachother in silence until we had to put the meal itself on to cook. By that time Laura had left the room so we leaned against the cabinets and relaxed just a little.
"I have to work late again tonight, sweetie I'm sorry. I dont like leaving you alone with her, but she does help pay the bills."
"I understand." I didn't understand. I wanted mom to stay here with me, or move away from this psycho, live on our own, I could work to help pay the bills.
It was quiet for several minutes, my thoughts tacitly sinking in to us both.
Mom sighed quietly and rubbed her arm. I glanced down at it to see gentle finger-bruises forming there. Great. More bruises to hide."So... your birthday's coming up again, huh?" Mom murmured.
"Yeah, I guess." I frankly couldn't care less. I picked at my nails distractedly.
"Well, don't you want a party? We could invite all your friends, I could get Laura out of the house for the night, how does that sound?"
"You'd leave us all alone? All night?" I asked dubiously.
"Sure! You deserve a little fun, you've been working so hard in school and God knows you've been putting up with a lot of crap here. Maybe you could even invite Chad." Mom smiled over at me. "Maybe you could get a birthday kiss, or maybe something a little more..." She nudged me knowingly and snickered.
"Mom!" I whispered, shocked and more than a little embarrassed.
"What? You dont think I know you 'did the dirty' with your last two boyfriends? Bobby was your first too, wasn't he? I remember because when you guys came down to breakfast you both fairly seemed to glow. And the other one I could just tell."
"'The other one'?" I asked, "You really didn't like James that much?"
"He dumped you after you gave in, didn't he?" Mom raised her eyebrows at me.
"Yeah, but I still really liked him." I blushed. I didn't tell her I dumped him, she would've given me that 'I-told-you-it-wasn't-working-with him' look. But i thought i had hidden the whole sex thing from her. Hidden it well. I bet she knew I liked taking more than giving too. Even if she didn't I definitely wouldn't tell her. We both know the dangers of that position.
"Do you like being on the top or the bottom? And you were protected, right?" Mom asked.
"What?" I sputtered, "Mom, don't you think that's a little personal?"
"Well, I kind of just want to get to know you better. We hardly talk anymore and I feel like I can really talk to you like an adult about homosexuality." She rubbed her arm again and smiled sadly, "But I cant help thinking it's my fault you're like this."
"Not entirely. I mean, you can't really help what you are either."
She put an arm around me comfortingly.
"But at least we have a hell of a good relationship, whether we really talk or not."
"I love you Nathan. I'm so glad I decided to give birth to you." Mom smiled and hugged me, kissing my forehead. "Just to think such a wonderful persion came out of my vagina."
"Okay mom, that's getting kind of gross now." I laughed through her shirt, and she released her hold on me.
"Sorry." We glanced at eachother and laughed, almost embarrassedly.
"Hey babe! Come in here! Now!" we heard Laura call from the living room.We glanced at eachother again, this time uneasily. We knew what she wanted when she called mom 'babe.'
"Don't come in there until she's done, alright?"
I nodded. She didn't need to tell me.
I checked my watch. They should be done any minute. The timer had gone off and I had set the meal on the table and, having been trapped in the kitchen, I had cleaned down the counters. I sat at the end of the table, stared at the clock and thought about Chad Riley.
I imagined our date tomorrow, and wondered if he would want to come to my birthday. Maybe he could be tempted if he knew there were no adults to be present. But, I also didn't want him to turn it into a house party. Why did I think he was such a badass? I didn't even know him yet, it wasn't really fair. I briefly wondered why I had checked my watch when I had been staring at a clock for almost half an hour.The living room door swung open and mom and Laura walked in, hand in hand.
I hated it when they held hands. Mom liked to hold hands with everyone. She and I held hands when we use to go shopping together, but when she held hands with Laura it seemed evil. Sacreligeous. Like to mother she was a pleasureable disease. A growth she actually enjoyed.
"You, boy. Go upstairs and freshen up! My friends are coming over, I don't want them to see what a worthless slob you are!" Laura slapped me hard across the face and pulled me out of my chair by my hair. I was so used to this by now it didn't even phase me anymore. Mom stood beside Laura, biting her lip, apologising with her eyes. I glanced an understanding before trudging upstairs.
I pulled on a clean shirt, washed my clean face and put on shoes that actually matched the rest of me. Some new ones mom bought for such situations. I still liked my old ones better, they were comfortable and I had become quite attatched to them. I heard the doorbell ring and cursed myself for not beig there to to answer it. Laura wont be lettting that rest tonight.
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Gina asked me. We were standing by Chad's locker as we usually did after school. "I mean, like, what if he makes advantages on you? What if he wants to jump into bed right away?"
"He wont, I wont let him." But would I want to stop him?
"You don't sound like you mean that." Gina pointed out.
At that moment Chad strode up to his locker with a couple of his friends.
"I don't want to see you get hurt." Gina whispered to me. Chad opened his locker, shoved his books in.
"You going to BJ's today Chaddie?" One of his friends asked him.
"Nah, I'm passing on it today, I'm going out with someone." I glanced at him nervously while his friends looked at easchother skeptically.
"Who?" they asked slowly.
"Oh, just someone, you wouldn't know them." Chad smiled charmingly and shooed them away. I distracted my eyes, but could feel his friends looking me and mine over. I tried to pay attention to the converstaion in front of me, but presently I couldn't focus on celebrities.Chad's friends voices were silent for a moment before they said reluctant good-byes. A couple seconds later I felt Chad's rough hand patting my shoulder."Let's not blow off that date now, huh?"
I stared wild-eyed at Gina, who returned my look of terror. He knew.
"Come on Nathan, where do you want to go?"
"Uh," I was abruptly dragged away from my friends and towards the doors. "Wherever you want, I guess"
"You asked me out today and you don't even have anything planned?" Chad laughed, "That's cool, I wish more people did that kind of thing with me."
"Why?" I asked, following him down the steps.
"Because-" he turned towards me at the base, "it shows me that you just really want to spend time with me, to get to know me." He was staring up at me, into my eyes, again I was breathless. "And by letting ME pick where we go tells me a lot abut the way you think. And by me explaining this to you helps you understand more about how I think, along with how much the 'restraunt or what-have-you' picking itself will tell you. And it shows that you are approaching me cautiously, that you're testing the waters because you've liked me for so long, despite my reputation, and are afraid of being shot down. And I know you watch me all the time so you already know all my likes, my tastes, my dislikes- you probably know more about me than I do."
I blushed deeply. I didn't really know THAT much about him. And even if I did I certainly haven't psycho-analyzed what I know. I lowered my eyes and shook my head."I don't really know that much-"
I felt Chad's fingertips under my chin. He tilted my head so we could meet eyes. His eyes were so pretty, such a soft green... they closed slowly, he was lifting himself to me, up onto his tip-toes. He was going to kiss me, my eyes and stomache fluttered simultaneously. Chad Riley was going to kiss me... Wait. I hesitated.
HERE? My eyes snapped wide and I pulled back, staring wildly around. All these other people... what had we looked like to them? They were staring at us, all of them.
"Chad!" I whispered frantically, "What are you doing?"
"Well, I was going to kiss you." He smiled.
"In the middle of school? With all these people around?" I hissed nervously.
"Why not?" he asked, cocking his head at me. I glanced around again. No one was looking anymore.
I stepped down to be level with him."They'd talk. They'd tease. If not you, me."
"So?" I was taken aback, "Who cares what they think, it's our lives, not thiers, OURS."
"I know that but... I thought like that at my last school, but the teasing got bad, the bullying-"
"Okay." Chad nodded, if grimly. "I understand. We'll keep it quiet if you want"
Keep it quiet. It sounded like we were going out already.
"Well, let's go get something to eat."
We sat in a booth across from each other in the In-N-Out. Chad smiled at me over his burger and I blushed.
I was really on a date with him. It was hard to believe, that I was actually sitting across from him at a food place, enjoying converstation and smiles.
"Do you want to go over to my place after this?" Chad asked, setting the burger down and picking up his drink. Was he really asking me to sleep with him already?
"That fast?" I asked before I could zip my lips.
Chad choked on his drink and laughed. "Yeah, I am a bit of a skank, aren't I?" He rested his chin on his hand and stared at me, a soft smirk lighting up his face. "You've had sex with other guys before, haven't you? I'm not, like,your first crush or anything, right?"
"No, I have." I felt a lot more comfortable talking to Chad about this than mom.
I snickered secretively. "I'm not one to kiss and tell."
"Oh no?" I felt his foot touch mine. "That's funny," He leaned foreward slightly, sliding his foot up my calf, hooking it around my leg and slipping it up to the back of my knee.
I was frozen, my chest tight, mouth hanging slightly open, eyes on Chad's.
I glanced around. The place was as deserted as it had been the whole time. I suddenly flet his foot moving up the inside of my thigh.
"Ch-Chad!" I panted, panicking. It was so sexy, especially because it was HIM. But- in public?
"Mm-hm?" His smirk widend.
I covered my face and held my head up with my elbows on the table. This was SO embarrassing.
"Are you trying to seduce me here?" I asked, letting my hands fall but still unable to look up at him.
"It's possible." Chad shrugged and I felt his foot retreat slowly, leaving me shivering and sweating. I tried unsuccessfully to slow my breath. My face was so red. I could feel how hot it was.
"You okay?" chad asked. "I'm sorry if that was... too much for you."
"No, no... it was just... unexpected." I managed to bring my head up and look sheepishly at him.
"Are you blushing, dude?"
"No!" I squealed, quickly putting my head back down and shading my face from his view again.
"That's so tight!" Chad laughed. He got up and came to sit next to me, his sandles echoeing around the room. "No one'sever blushed this much for me, at least not without me trying to fuck them."
He was so close I could smell him. Chad draped an arm over the back of the hard plastic seat and stared confusedly at me."If I didn't know better I'd say you liked me." Chad joked.
"And if I didn't know better I'd say..." I didn't know what to say. I was staring at him and realized I shouldn't do that, it was rude. So i looked down at my hands in my lap.
I felt Chad's fingers slide through my hair, up the back of my head. Goosebumps rose on my skin, I swallowed nervously and turned my eyes to his. He moved a little closer.
This was it. I glanced down at his lips, he was so close to me, i could feel his breath. I sighed softly and his lips pressed to mine. His lips... We kissed softly and when lips pulled away from eachother they made a gentle sound, a soft "spwa."
We pressed our lips together again, my heart was pounding so hard, the girl behind the register must've heard it. Our lips mutually parted and we melted into eachother, One pasion warming the other's. He tasted like soda, as I'm sure I did. I slowly reached up to caress his face and his hand fell onto my knee. I was floating.
I wanted to see his face, wanted to see if he liked it. So I risked a quick peek at his eyes and found them watching me. We held eye contact, lips still locked. I couldn't look away. I was trapped, trapped by the window in this tiny booth, trapped in his eyes and lips. I couldn't get away.
Yet I didn't want to. Chad shifted, pushing me back into the window. I liked being locked up like this by him. I wanted to stay this way.
Locked up and never released, with him.
We walked to my house, hand in hand. It made me feel a little nervous, but no one saw us. And besides, Chad had initiated it.
"So what is this?" Chad asked.
"What is what?" I asked dumbly.
"What do we have here?" he specified, "Between us."
"I don't know." I answered truthfully.
We came up my path, up to my door.
Ask now, I told myself, now. Before he kissed someone else or hooked up with someone who would put out faster and lost interest in me. Strike while the iron's hot.
We reached the door and I turned to Chad.
"Chad," I started, taking a deep breath. "will you, um, go out with me?"
I stared at him hopefully. Chad stared steadily back.
A/N: Ha ha! So, thus concludes the first chapter of the first stoey posted on ficpress. I hope you people enjoy-ed it and continue to read to further of the four I will have posted by the end of today and the chapters I will eventually post later.
Chaddieboi over and out!