Bleeding Romance

Bleeding romance,
Queer, joyless smiles,
Blank, endless dance,
Facing loveless trials

The spirit rises rebelliously,
Demanding its freedom,
My soul burns hellishly,
Misusing godly wisdom

I forsook myself for a small moment,
And I know I vaguely desire to repent,
I wish distantly my will to be bent
Before I accept His just banishment,
Before my heart hardens like cement,
Before God comes to crush my firmament...

My crumbling bulwark is unstable,
But my contumacious spirit will not rest
And, wearily, my soul delights in the abominable
Wickedly raging against what is worthily called, “Greatest”

I am a demon of a soul
Refusing to be whole
Wanting pity,
Longing humanity,
But denied everywhere,
Forced to bear
Such guilt,
Such pain--
Watch me wilt!
Watch me go insane!
Behold me without my God!
See my flesh, deceitful façade!

Without His light, there is Death alone.
Every day, I turn slowly to stone.
Ice is creeping into my aching bones,
Oh, God... hear my wretched groans...

Even now, wretched me,
Even here, miserable me,
Can receive Your Mercy,
And once again, be free...