my Grandma: There was once a wise German man who told me that there should be strong male role models in a girl's life-
me: -interuppting, and yelling loudly- HOUSE!! MIKE ROWE!!! DR. COX!!!!! BECKER!!!

-in response to everybody wanting a trigger word list-
mythmod: For everyone whining about the banned words list - I will say this ONE MORE TIME and I'll even type SLOW so you can read it correctly this time. I AM WORKING ON IT. You've lived with it this long, deal with it until I get access. Just because I respond to posts and questions doesn't mean I don't get tired of people beating dead horses. I KNOW the banned words list needs to be updated. I do NOT have access to it yet. We now go back to our regularly scheduled programming.

klaatu-barada: Viva Teflon!

thetroll: I am not "a troll", I am "theTroll", big difference.

me: What do you think chocolate rain was inspired by?
my grandma: Someone crapping off the roof?

mikerowemarryme: Mike Rowe, will you marry me? -Jen
fluersdelys18: Sorry, the Mike Rowe Marry Me line is to the left. Grab your number and take your place in line. Refreshments will be passed around at regular intervals.
arcysharky: Jen, how old are you? You might need to get into the "Young enough to be Mike's daughter line", with me. It's like spring break over hear, you'll love it.

me: -puts on a cowboy hat, a tye-dye shirt, grabs her neon green/blue jump-rope and starts jumping rope near the "yard sale" sign-
my grandma: What are you doing?
me: The "people-come-to-our-garage-sale-please-so we-can make-dinero" ritual.

-I see my grandpa shucking corn-
me: -in old peoples voice- You're lucky, young'un. In my day we had to walk FIFTEEN miles just to GET to the corn! Uphill! Both ways! Snow up to our necks! Wildlife everwhere! Killed me a grizzly bear with my looseleaf notebook!

oobadooba46: Mike, Are you chickensh!t?! Oh SNAP!!!

-in a school paper we had to do.-
me: Hey, since this is a talkshow, I should put a commercial... Hmm. How about this.. "Are you happy, sad, depressed, upset, or angry? Well we can't help you there because those are basic human emotions, but if you are having trouble sleeping, boy! Do we have a product for you!!! It's BRICKS! (TM) That's right, BRICKS (TM) Too good to be true you say? We kid you not. Use BRICKS(TM) and you'll be asleep in no time! How do BRICKS (TM) work? Simple! Just have a friend stand over your head on a ladder (not included) and drop a BRICK (TM) on your head!! Order yours TODAY!!!! warning: BRICKS (TM) may cause: coma, bladder problems concussion, liver disease, disembowlment, hair loss, broken bones, narcolepsy, mental retardation, restless leg syndrome, restless arm syndrome, alzheimers, inability to sleep, irratibility, blindness, deafness, tastelessness, and AIDS. Order yours today!!

my dad's friend: I don't like that guy...He's like a...ham sandwich...With no mayo!

-my grandpa is looking for a card that had something in it-
my great-grandma: -pointing to a colored brick in the house- Hey, is that the card he's looking for -she realizes its a brick- oh... guess not.

-I'm on a mouse rollercoaster, in front of the car, with two guys behind me, I put my hands in the air as we go down the hill-
first guy: -jokingly- HEY! Put your hands on the bar! Can't you read the sign?!
second guy: HAVE A CONCERN FOR THE SAFTEY OF OTHERS!!!

-when we get on the rollercoaster, there's a sign that says "dont get on if you have heart problems, back problems, neck injury, or have had recent injury" -
-while getting off the rollercoaster-
first guy: Man, I should NOT have gotten on that rollercoaster, what with my heart problems, broken arm, broken neck, and...
second guy: -filling in for the first guy- Your herpes...

-My guitar teacher, Ric, sent me 2 pictures-
ric: Here they come: pictures flying through the air of cyberspace!

my mom: Meaghan, we're all Homosapians.
me: Wha'd you call me!?!?

-in response to spam on the message board-
spam person robot thing: Hack your girlfriends password!
skycow: Runs around the board nekkid screamin SPAM! SPAM! WE HAVE SPAM HERE PPL!!!!! FEAR THE SPAM!
lilivonshtupp: I hear Graham Chapman's "old lady voice" shrieking "I HATE SPAM!!!!"
mrsjones13: "Spam, meet Ivy...Ivy, meet Spam...goodbye Spam, goodbye..." I do not like green eggs and spam...

tessa2012tessa: how old do you think mike is???
me: Eleventy-six!
leighb04: Correct!

-I have another guitar teacher in New York BESIDES Ric...-
Me: -plays G chord- Was that right?
REALLY old deaf guitar teacher: Uh.. Yeah!
Me: -Plays G chord horribly- Was that right?
REALLY old deaf guitar teacher: Uh.. Yeah!
Me: Any difference between the notes?
REALLY old deaf guitwar teacher: Uh.. No!

me: I sometimes like to yell random things out into the feild... FICUS PLANT!!
my great - grandma: CHICKEN!!
me: YO MAMMA'S SO FAT, SHE SAW A SCHOOL BUS AND YELLED "STOP THAT TWINKIE!"
my great- grandma: YOUR MOTHER SELLS DRUGS IN THE SUBWAY
me: what?
my great-grandma: CHOCOLATE RAIN!

east1952: Well, Mike, you've gone to great heights to get crapped on, haven't you?

greeneyedbamablonde: What's the deal with the chopsticks? I like to eat with them too... but do you carry your own? Do you make Barsky carry them for you in a silk pouch. How did you find some in the middle of the desert?

megzfiddler64: MIKE, YOU CHEW IMAGINARY BUBBLE GUM WHEN YOU CHUCKLE NERVOUSLY AND IT'S HILARIOUS! There...that was liberating.

-at the pool, there's this little kiddy place, and there's a little pathway, and water flows upward-
me: -walks against the flow of water- LOOK! I'm salmon!

-in response to the sewer fish segment/episode/thingy-
smgarza25: Oh and by the way, you are quite the cutie patootie, although after seeing that episode, not so sure I would want to kiss you.
mort2be2007: please step to your left to get out of the "I want to kiss mike rowe" line and make your way into the "mike is sooo hottt/cute" line!