Billy

It wasn’t even that great of a day when it happened. I was running late for my massage appointment and my little sister was wailing for me at the bottom of the stairs. I hollered that I was almost ready while frantically searching for a pair of decent pants. No luck. I pulled on my boy boxers instead, thinking about how ridiculous they looked on me. My self-confidence was shattered further when I looked into the mirror: My bangs were defying gravity, they were sticking straight up! With no time to fix that, I grabbed my sister by the hand and ran out the door.

On the bus, most of my time was devoted to trying to fix my awful bangs. I blushed when a woman looked at me. Did she think my hair looked funny? A little boy seated across from me told his mom that I had skulls on my shirt. I smiled and waved as he waved back. Kids can be so amusing.

When the bus finally pulled into Broadview station, I checked the time and felt a small rush of worry. I was 2:46 PM and my appointment was at three. I continued thinking about my hair and my appointment while waiting for the train when my sister suddenly gave a yelp. Several heads turned.

Her tooth had fell out right there and then. But even though there wasn’t any blood, I panicked as usual. She started crying, and without thinking, I took the tooth from her small hand and dropped in into my lip balm tube for safe keeping.

“Are you ok?” I asked dumbly, “Does it hurt?”

The train came and I dragged her on it, plopping down on the first seat I saw. My sister sat down beside me. I cracked open her mouth and examined the hole between her teeth. It looked well enough, clean and bloodless. Wiping tears from her eyes, I told her it was completely fine.

Then I looked across from where I sat, and I saw him. Time seemed to have stopped. His stunning image hit me like hot water splashed on my face. For a split second I ran my eyes over his short, ruffled black hair with pink streaks on the left side. I saw nervous and self-conscious eyes, smothered with black eyeliner, darting from wall to floor to person. He had a fine pointy nose and pale skin. His sweater was striped and fitting. He had a lovely slim waist and long legs poking into skull-print shoes. A shaky hand decorated with nail polish rose to brush the hair out of his eyes, which almost immediately bounced back. He might have even had piercings, but my split-second was over and I quickly glanced away.

I couldn’t breathe. I felt my palms sweating and my cheeks turning red. Could he see that I was losing it, an awkward girl like me? And my hair… My hand instinctively jumped to cover my bangs. Too sudden. He noticed the movement and our eyes met for a moment. I looked away first with a sheepish smile, but even as I did, I felt his gaze remain on me.

Oh God, please look away, I thought. Secretly, though, I didn’t want him to look away. If I was brave, I might have even gazed back with a confident, flirty smile. But I wasn’t brave. In my mind I scrolled through a million different scenarios. Each fantasy featured a confident girl that just wasn’t me. So I stared at the dirty skateboard under his feet, thinking about how I managed to sit directly across from such a gorgeous boy.

What are you supposed to do in a situation like this, an awkward face to face? I suppose it was once of those subway quirks when strangers are forced into small spaces together.

It wasn’t until I was almost at Bloor, my stop that I realized he was still looking at me. One time I saw from the corner of my eye that it was a soft kind of gaze, nervous but trying to show something. Was he feeling the same way I was? Or was he thinking that my bangs looked awful? Maybe it was the boy shorts. All I could feel was my heart pounding wildly and my insides churning.

Finally it was Bloor and I took my sister by the hand. But as I got up, I quickly brushed my eyes over him again with a faint grin. I thought I saw something like a smile on his lips.

“That guy was staring at you, Eruza!” my sister whispered to me once we were out of earshot.

I definitely felt some things as we got off the train. Attraction for sure, but maybe even sadness, wonder, and a twinge of regret.