The Door

The doorknob turns;

I look up once more.

Something creeps into my heart as I wait for it to open

Almost with a certain longing.

And although I don't know how many times exactly

I've been telling myself not to hope,

Not to let myself be carried away by unreal fantasies,

These dreams may never come true

Because they are as they are - expectations,

Fragments of our imagination.

A mere fallacy.

As the door creaks open

Slowly -

I think of all those little things

You promised we'd do together.

Perhaps unsignificant to you, but not to me

Because I'm telling you now,

All that I've told you before.

I hold on.

Oh -

If only they were not mere words,

Maybe...

I sense your warmth but at the same time

The truth laughs at my gullibility.

It stares me in the face and at that instant I know

I feel nothing.

And sometimes I can't help but laugh along.

Don't you see?

A sliver of light just danced across my bedroom floor.

Could that be you?

A temporary glimmer, prancing into my life

Leaving no mark, not even an imprint, then -

Disappearing when the door shuts.

Remember the click -

It's dark once more.

Your promises seem to say so much.

It just feels so painfully real

And yet -

I dread the time I turn and look over my shoulder

Because I know, I am reminded once again

That you're no longer there.

You never were.

The key turns in the lock with that same stiff click.

I knew it!

It wasn't you after all.

My expectations shatter silently, almost mechanically

Like they have always done.

I ache again. But wait -

What am I doing?

Why am I still looking?

Why can I no longer tear my eyes away?

Even as I struggle with myself I know

This unexpressed hope will forever be my curse.

For as long as the door remains,

And as long as the knob lies within your reach

That's when I know I will look up again

Every single time...

And even though it hurts

I will be here. I'll be waiting.

Until that door is no more.