Welcome to My Family

Written for submission to the 2007 Commonwealth Essay competition. Commended

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It is always the smallest details that linger the longest in a person's memories: that of the first whiff of spring wafting in through the open window, of bursts of vibrantly coloured flowers pouncing out onto pedestrians from the roadside, of blades of grass peeking above remnants of the melting snow to greet the first hints of blue amidst the fluffy white clouds.

Jared inhaled long and deep, savouring the moment. It had been too long since he noticed the tiny things that he had come to realise were what mattered the most in life. He had been too caught up in other trivialities - "too self-absorbed," his friend had jokingly commented one afternoon in June as Jared confided in him, yet again, of how unreasonable his parents were in deciding to adopt another kid into the family. At that time, he reflected with a twinge of guilt, it didn't seem all that trivial, did it?

In an attempt to divert his thoughts, he stole a glance at the back of his parents' necks, noticing how extraordinarily distant an aura they presented from that perspective, then back at the sights and sounds now rushing at high speeds past him as the car finally left the traffic lights. Maybe that was what people needed in life, he figured. A traffic light that remained red, long enough not just to present a temporal pause in their insanely fast-paced lives, but also to allow them to notice little nondescript things that would have otherwise just whizzed past in a blur of nothingness.

It was what he had needed, anyway.

Jared Liew had always felt that his parents never could grasp the big picture of what was really going on in The Great Scheme of Things, much less in his mind. No other kid his age could fully comprehend what he went through anyway, and perhaps that was what made it even harder to bear. Not that he blamed them. The idea of six-on-six sibling rivalry was a bit too tempestuous for the average I-just-want-to-get-through-life teenager to imagine. In Jared's family, however, there was an added twist thrown in that took 'pure mayhem' to a whole new different level.

It had always been the same routine for Jared every afternoon the minute he got home from school. Setting his bag down in the hallway, just at the foot of the staircase, he walked into the kitchen where remnants of the morning's bacon and eggs lay scattered all over the dining table. In one corner, an empty carton of milk swam in a pool of its own murky contents; a closer look in the sink next to it revealed a mountain of unwashed plates and mugs as high as Everest itself, a scenario that invariably repeated itself every day without fail.

"It's your duty, Jared, to help mom and dad clean up the place," his mother's voice rang in his ears. "You're the eldest child. Who else can we rely on but you?"

"How about a maid?" mumbled Jared under his breath as he rolled up his sleeves and plunged both arms into the sink; soap suds splashed onto his face and into his eyes, stinging them upon contact and eliciting another string of muttered curses. There were five others in the house; why was it that the burden of the responsibility always fell on him? Life was so unfair.

It didn't help that his parents were so carefree about the whole adoption process. He didn't even remember anymore how old he had been when they first introduced him to his new 'brother'. Barely five months old at that time, Joseph, as they named him, seemed like the perfect Christmas gift - Jared was secretly glad that he had someone his age to talk to and play with when everyone else seemed too occupied to bother entertaining him.

That was before he found out that Joseph couldn't talk or play like a normal kid could. The first time he pulled Joseph out into the garden to play 'catch', the ball whizzed straight past his little brother's open arms (despite being aimed directly within his reach), over the wall, and into the gutter of the person-next-door, who had unfortunately been a grumpy old lady whom Jared secretly suspected wore a toupee. To make things worse, his next attempt to make Joseph knock on the door and use his childlike charm to persuade Mrs Foord that it was not his fault the flower pot two inches beside the ball's landing spot had chipped off caused Joseph to break out into a series of high pitched screams instead, bringing his own mother to the scene and resulting in Jared being grounded for two whole weeks.

He soon came to discover that Joseph was born with a disability called Down syndrome, apparently a result of an abnormality at childbirth. Because of that, Joseph could not comprehend and respond to his surroundings the way a normal child would, and needed extra attention whenever he broke out into one of his screaming temper tantrums. That didn't deter his parents' enthusiasm, however. Two years later after Jared's ideal of having a newfound playmate had been shattered to pieces, five-year-old Janelle walked right into his life without so much as a warning glance.

The first thing Jared noticed about his new sister was her right sleeve dangling loosely from her shoulder. The anomaly intensified when his mother told him in the sternest tone possible that Janelle was "not allowed to get into as much trouble as you've gotten Joseph into because she can't". Janelle never did respond to his questions that followed about why one of her arms were missing; she preferred to withdraw into her own shell and stare out at the empty sidewalk for hours at a time, often ignoring Jared's attempts to initiate conversation. Finally he gave up and let his eccentric little sister be.

He thought his parents seemed slightly more ruffled than usual after Janelle's initiation into the family, and so was even more greatly surprised (his best friend would prefer to describe it as being 'shocked out of his skin') and at the introduction of the third newcomer, wheelchair-bound James whose head seemed slightly disproportional to the rest of his body. Crippled by polio, the little boy was paralysed for life and needed someone else to help him shower, put on his clothes, and put him to bed. Ostensibly, of course, most of those duties fell on Jared who had only been expecting it.

Not long after that came Jacob and Johan, both with some form of physical or mental handicap that tested Jared's patience to breaking-point. At the end of it all he felt like screaming himself. Why did he have to be the only 'normal' child in the family? And why were his parents adopting people like these to be his siblings when there were thousands of other normal, happy, less stress-inducing kids? To make matters worse, Jared's own friends were beginning to shun him for the very fact that his family stood out like a sore thumb - in terms of skin colour, Jacob, James and Janelle were black, Johan was a deep brown, whilst Joseph had unusually pale skin that even contradicted Jared's own.

One night, after autistic Jacob spilled ink over his latest 20-page report and Joseph obstinately refused to stop running around and go to bed so that Jared could study for an impending exam the next morning, the boy had had enough. Stalking into the bathroom where his father stood helping James reach the sink so he could brush his teeth, Jared let it all out in a torrent of dissatisfaction that built up into a gradual crescendo and brought the rest of the family onto the scene.

"But dad, why can't our family be normal?? Sam says we're weirdoes! Life was SO much happier without the rest!"

Jacob dug his ink-stained hands into his shirt and shrunk back behind stony-faced Janelle.

"Jared..." his mother began in a tone that would normally have cut him off in mid-sentence. But not this time.

"Look at me, mom! I haven't had a moment's peace since Joseph and the others intruded into my life! You just don't get it!"

"Jared!" warned his father in a louder voice now, subconsciously sidestepping around James to shield him – from what, he didn’t know.

Inwardly, Jared was probably just as aware as anyone else that his words were stinging the feelings of everyone whose names he mentioned, and that they probably didn't deserve it anymore than he deserved to be standing there proclaiming his little speech. Emotions were overpowering sometimes.

He didn't know how long he had stood there, or when he finally ran off to hide in the darkness of his own private space. He only noticed his mother's presence next to him on the bed when she laid an arm around his shoulders and spoke in a an unusually hushed voice.

"You were only two years old when I realised I was pregnant. Your dad and I were overjoyed, of course. We did all the usual things expecting parents do: buying baby's clothes, preparing the room and the cot, getting toys and books. Six months into the pregnancy, though, something went horribly wrong. We lost the baby through a miscarriage. It was devastating to find all our hopes crushed, and at first I found it extremely hard to recover from the grief we felt due to the loss."

Jared shifted slightly under the covers, suddenly aware that he had been holding his breath for the past few seconds.

"But something happened though," she continued after a brief pause. "Somewhere along the line, something pulled me out of that grief and made me realise just how precious a child's life was. We realised we couldn't get the baby back, but we decided we would do everything we could to make sure that somewhere out there, a child with no family to call her own, with no opportunity to be showered the same amount of love that we had reserved for our child. That was when we adopted Joseph."

The grip on Jared's shoulder tightened. "Of course, when we found out just how many children out there were being abandoned, left out on the streets because of their handicaps, or because they didn't care less about the life of another innocent child, your dad and I unanimously decided to take them in, no matter how difficult it was, at least until we had really reached our limits."

Jared finally joined in, "And that's why you adopted Janelle, James, Jacob and Johan, mom?"

She nodded. Just when Jared thought his mom had left, her voice broke the silence. "There's just one more thing, Jared."

He rolled over to listen.

"...You were adopted too. We originally thought we wouldn't be able to have children of our own, and that's why we adopted you from the same home we found Joseph and all the others. You were the light of our lives, Jared, and I want you to think of Joseph and the others the same way too, because there was no way dad and I could have gone through life without all of you."

'You were adopted too.'

Jared allowed himself to smile, slightly, as he opened his eyes again. It seemed almost as if it were yesterday that he and his mom were locked for hours in that tearful embrace that followed that fateful conversation. That night, it was as if all sensation of time had halted just for them.

Their traffic light. His traffic light. Just so he could appreciate the tiny details that made up his own family.

The car eased to a halt again on the bridge overlooking the nearby coast. Staring out at the beautiful sunset, Jared pictured the photo he had just seen in the adoption file that morning, smiled, and let out a hushed whisper.

“Welcome to my family.”