Gone

I woke up beside the small camp fire completely at peace. Yawning, I stretched my arms up and looked at the sky. It was dusk. The sun was seating but there was still plenty of light. Plenty of light to notice she was gone.

Gone! I bolted straight up on my feet. I was half over to where she had been before I realized there was nothing to look for. No clue.

I must of fallen asleep after we ate dinner. “Damn it, what is going on here” I said out load. Wait there was a clue. Plenty of clues. My mind rushed over the camp site seeing things my heart would not.

No sign of struggle. Her stuff was gone but my stuff still seemed to be here. No sign of struggle. I hadn’t been tired so I probly would of woke up if there had been any noise. She had left on her own. She had gone.

I could feel tears form in my eyes. I almost started sobbing. But I shook it off. I stood there trying to think but my mind was blank. It was completely dark before my mind shifted back into operation.

I hadn’t noticed the Dark creep over everything nor did I know how long it had been dark. So I just sat back down. The fire was going out. But for some reason the thought of getting more wood almost brought me back into sobs. I did not sleep. I did not lay down. I did not think. I waited. I waited for ..

I waited for her or for the sun. I didn’t know witch. Maybe because I wasn’t thinking. Maybe because the light really didn’t bring anything. Maybe because I couldn’t face anything. Maybe because I knew.

Light stroke the sky. I watched as the sun slowly rose. Blossoming into the sky. Some how it woke me up. I had never noticed how beautiful the sun rise could be. Always thought people were foolish in their describing the sunset and sunrise with poetry. It awoke a feeling deep in my chest. Not my heart. It was lower than that. It pained a little. But I was awake. Fully.

I knew she had gone off for something better. Some one better. She said she loved me. Once. Twice. It was three times. I knew because I had counted and felt each one. Five times if you count when we were just children. Child hood friends had become much more for me years ago. We both knew I loved her.

She had used the fact that I loved her to manipulate me. She had used me. I knew she had liked that jerk Seroe. I let out a half laugh, half cry. She had used me to get to that jerk. Why do girls like bad boys?

Why do girls like bad boys was not the question. How could she tell me she loved me? Where we not friends? Had I never known her? Was all of this my fault? So many question rushed me. I almost felt overwhelmed. Almost.

But I locked my love away before It fought for her. I knew the answers to all the questions. All but one. All but how she could of done it. How she went through with it. How she could live with herself. How she could destroy me so utterly completely. I was devastated. Ruined.

We had planed it for about a week. We started on the day she told me she loved me. It was the first time. She had said she wanted to leave her life behind. I knew she was acting a little strange since Seroe had ran out of town. He’s not important. He’s just a jerk and a common criminal. She knew how I felt about Seroe so maybe that’s why she didn’t tell me.

We would run off and get married together. I said we were to young we should wait. She knew I wanted to so she pressed it and I easily fell into the dream trap. Dreaming of her. She had just said she loved me.

If anything, I’m reliable. So I got everything ready. But I tried to convince her to not go through with it. She said she loved me. It was the second time. She said love would make it work. Love was all the luck we needed. There would be no turning back if we did it. We would need all the luck, all of the love we could get.

I took every thing I owned. She took all the other things we would need and money. I told her what would happen if we ever came back or got caught. She would be locked up for a year. Plus she would probably be whipped. I would be hanged and where as her father would be able to lighten her sentence I would have no reprieve. She said she loved me. It was third time. We left hand in hand.

We left before dawn. All of our stuff fit in my backpack. The backpack wasn’t that heavy. I knew the forest. I knew how to travel. She had never left the town. She looked funny skipping as we went. After a while she got tired. Her feet hurt. I carried her. I felt like a man. We made good time

We traveled far. Traveled farther than I had ever traveled in one day. So we rested. Set up camp. She cooked and asked questions. Question on how to get to the city. So I told her. We ate and I laid down. She was gone.

I looked around. I was wrong. My stuff was not all there. Just my spare cloths. No food at all. No Money. My knife was gone. Even my backpack was missing. My life was gone.

My spare cloths were socking wet. I looked around and noticed it had rained some time during the night. I was soaking wet. I didn’t care.

I had left all of my family. My past was gone. So I decided to leave my name behind. If I had no name than neither did My love. My girl. My child hood best friend. I would never say her name again I will never give her any of those or other titles again.

I thought about what name I would use. Nothing sounded real. So I decided to let another person name me. I decided to let the only a woman who loves me give me a name. If I lost the name my mom gave me than it was time to find my true love. She would have to give me my new name. A new name, a new love, was my quest.