There are six things a woman always needs. A condom, a package of cigarettes, tampons, money, chocolate, and sex. At least, that’s the way it is for me with my shitty life. It’s not like we’re going to live forever. You eat healthy, exercise daily and you still die. So what’s the point on trying? Ah, but sometimes an answer lies hidden in the underbrush of a silly dream.

oOoOo

I took a deep drag of the cigarette, exhaling the smoke into three small circles. I sat in the darkened room, my pillows pulled close and my coverlet thrown across my bare legs. It had been six weeks since Charley, my ex-roommate, had left me for another woman. It wasn’t fair, I was plenty fair. It was her that constantly ran away. I brushed away a loose strand of blonde hair and glared at the blackened walls. Everything about this room screamed her name, no matter how many coats of paint and scratching it took. Another long drag and I looked up at the ceiling. I guess it must be time to be moving on. I never stay a long time in a place, unless it’s for ‘nother girl and I guess Charley wasn’t it.

There was something ‘bout the last girl that made me stay for nearly a year. My longest time in a place, and relationship I’ve ever had. Even when I lived at home with my parents I never stayed for long. I’d drift away one night and disappear for weeks at a time. I did love, or at least I assumed, Charley. That must’ve been the only reason why I stayed so long in this run down hotel room. I knew the manager from my previous days in school, when I did attend. Oh, things might’ve been sweeter if I hadn’t of met Charley.

Another long drag and my eyes flickered to the red digital numbers on the alarm clock. 2:34am

-December-

I love the coldest parts of the year. At the end, where the world comes to a momentary halt and a new year begins in that absence of a second. I blew out a long breath of cold air and shook my hands inside my pockets to warm them up. It hadn’t snowed much at all and walking along the frozen sidewalk, I could tell it wasn’t going to soon. My eyes darted across the street and I caught a flash of red. Charley’s favorite color. I let out a deep breath and shook my head. I saw her, standing there in the red coat I bought her just eight weeks ago, holding a child in her arms.

I turned away from the happy sight as I saw another woman walk outside, placing her hands on Charley’s shoulders. It was sickening, to watch the new woman with my ex and the way they acted. It had been an ongoing relationship for almost a year, ‘round the time we started going out. She told me once, the woman she now holds, was her ex and was staying that way. I was a fool, an utter fool, to believe that line of crap from her.

I stuffed my hands deep inside my pockets again and shook my head. This wasn’t a good December, nor a good week before Christmas. Maybe it was time to go home and repent my sins to my parents. Ah, but to live with them, with their religious crazy rules and tight ethnics wasn’t something for me. I sighed and looked up at the grey sky. It was unusual for this time of year not to be snowing. I shook my head again and looked down at the cracked sidewalk. Some days I feel like this; all jagged and torn to pieces on the inside.

-Christmas eve-

“Hey mum, pops,” I said quietly into the phone, hopping over the sleeping cat I called Misty. I heard their excited, quiet jitter as they spoke between themselves a moment. I slipped my hand into the pocket of my purse and pulled out the package of smokes. “Oh, yeah, sorry. I zoned out for a moment there,” I said into the phone when I heard my mother say my name twice.

“Oh.. Yeah about that,” I stopped, unsure how to really address the problem. I could say ‘Hey mom, your daughter’s about to be thrown out of the motel room her and her ex girlfriend was renting. So, would you mind if she came back to live with you a while?’ I shook my head. I knew she wouldn’t fall for that one.

“Huh? Oh, no. Charley and I are no longer together.. Well, I’m not sure really. I have until the end of January to find a new place.. Well, of course I know that! Do ya think I’m twelve or something?” I spat out, before I realized we were fighting again. I bit my lip as I struggled not to yell at her.

“Yes, I have a respectful job mum, I’m not whoring myself. Yes, it pays decent… how do ya think I was able to send that money to you guys? No, no, I have money saved up. Yes, I do mum. Yeah, I have to be going now. Tell daddy I love him and you two have a good holiday. Yes, I’ll be there for New Year’s day, I promise. Goodbye mum,” and with a click I hung up the phone. My temples were throbbing with the coming headache. Things hadn’t gone well and I was going to be sick.

The doorbell rang just as I decided to walk past the damned door. I jumped, my heart beating a thousand times faster. I glanced sideways at the clock and frowned. Unusual, it was well after eleven and someone was standing on my doormat. I peaked through the eyehole and stared. Dishwater blond hair with a set of beautiful sapphire eyes met my own gaze. I raised my hand and unlocked the chain and deadlock.

“Who are you?” I asked, the door pulled open a couple inches. The girl turned her solemn gaze to me and sighed. It reminded me of the night I found Charley lying in the ditch, raped and bleeding heavily. “Want to come in?” I asked, my trusting side showing its ugly face. The girl glanced up, her eyes heavy with drowsiness. She nodded and awkwardly made her way into the poorly lit motel room. I shut the door and the room dimmed even more. She shivered and I brushed past her, the hallway closet standing ajar and I yanked a blanket out for her.

“Here,” I said, handing the thick blanket to her. She took it between thin fingers and wrapped herself in it. She was thin, stick thin, like those models or actresses you see on the television screens. I relocked the door and turned to face the small girl.

“Do you have a name?”