Author's Note: This was a short story I had to write for my creative writing class last year, and it had to be cliche. Now, while we were supposed to actually use cliches, like sayings or whatever, I decided to try something different and do a parody of those horrible cliche horror movies we're probably all unreasonably fond of. This is definitely NOT the cream of the crop of my writing, so don't judge it as such. My teacher thought it was amusing and somewhat creative, considering everyone else just used an abundance of cliche phrases. Plenty of those in this story, but the situations and all in it are what really makes it cliche. This story was written to be silly and plain out ridiculous, so try not to apply any logic or anything to it. M'kay? Enjoy.

When A Blonde Is A Babysitter

A Cliché Horror Story

Written By
Shadow 'Kite' Kitsune

It was a dark and stormy night, and an attractive, busty young blonde girl named Trixie Larue sat on the couch reading a Cosmopolitan magazine while watching MTV. She was a seventeen year old girl who babysat for people every Friday and Saturday night for unusually high prices. She always treated the kids like garbage, and simply sent them to bed as early as possible so that she could read her trendy magazines, watch television, raid the fridge, and talk to her various boyfriends and the likes on the phone. She wasn’t all that bright, but then again, she was blonde.

It was an unusually stormy Saturday evening, and Trixie was babysitting for one of her best paying customers, the Jeffersons. They were a relatively wealthy couple who had two kids named Mindy and Cindy. Trixie always enjoyed babysitting for the Jeffersons simply because Mindy and Cindy were blind, deaf mutes, and she simply sent them to bed as soon as she arrived. Babysitting for the Jeffersons was no problem at all. It was just an easy way to make two hundred bucks without having to do anything naughty.

Trixie’s evening was going just as it usually did. She sat on the Jeffersons’ large, plush, burgundy leather sofa, nibbling on some Doritos, reading a Cosmopolitan magazine, and watching MTV, just as always. Mindy and Cindy were tucked safely and forcefully in their beds, just as she always had done. Life was good, Trixie thought. Nothing was better than charging unusually high prices for babysitting some snobby rich peoples’ deaf-mute children.

But tonight, everything suddenly went wrong. Trixie could have never expected what was about to come….

Trixie was wiping her greasy, cheese covered fingers on the sofa and licking them clean when all of a sudden, the phone rang. Trixie grinned and giggled, and bounced up off the sofa, dancing over to answer the phone. When she picked up, she answered it in her usually high pitched, obnoxiously bubbly voice.

“Helloooo?” Trixie said.

There was an eerie silence for a long moment before Trixie finally started to hear the deep, heavy breathing on the other end of the phone.

“Hello…. Trixie,” said a deep, distorted voice. “Are you enjoying your Nacho Cheese Doritos?”

Trixie blinked absent mindedly, and smiled.

“Stevie? Is that you? You sound so hot tonight!” Trixie exclaimed.

The voice on the other end hesitated for a moment, and then began again.

“No, this isn’t your secret other boyfriend Stevie. This is someone you do not know, and I’m watching you right now.”

Trixie paused for a moment, and smiled stupidly.

“Is this Mindy? Or is this Cindy?”

The voice on the other end seemed to growl in frustration.

“Deaf-mute children cannot speak, you twit! Now I suggest you go check on the children…. Or else.”

There was a click when the person on the other end of the phone hung up. Trixie giggled, and hung up.

“It must have been Mr. or Mrs. Jefferson,” Trixie thought aloud. “Oh well. What could possibly happen to some deaf-mute children?”

Shrugging off the call, Trixie decided to go take a shower in the Jefferson’s high dollar power shower, and then relax in their hot tub. This was what she usually did when she babysat for rich people. There were no benefits from babysitting for poor people.

So Trixie went and got into the shower. In the midst of her shower, she could hear thunder roaring from outside. Suddenly, after a loud clap of thunder, the lights went out. Trixie screamed, and quickly calmed herself.

‘I have to be quiet. I might wake Mindy and Cindy,’ Trixie thought to herself. Then she remembered they were deaf-mutes so they couldn’t be bothered by her screaming or the thunder outside. Trixie giggled to herself and got out of the shower.

Once out of the shower, Trixie wrapped herself in Mrs. Jefferson’s expensive, plush terrycloth bath robe, and tied the sash around her. She felt hungry, so she decided to go downstairs and raid the fridge again. Getting a shower was tiring. So while Trixie was on her way to the kitchen, she heard a floorboard creak in another room. Surprised by the noise, she giggled and thought it was just her imagination and continued on her way. It wasn’t until she was in the kitchen grabbing pizza and sandwich meat, among other items of food, when the phone in the kitchen suddenly rang. Setting all her food down on the counter, Trixie answered the phone again.

“Helloooo?” Trixie answered.

“Why haven’t you checked on the children?” asked the same, distorted voice from before.

Trixie giggled, and shrugged.

“I don’t know. I figured deaf-mute children couldn’t possibly get into any trouble, since they’re deaf and can’t talk and all that,” Trixie replied.

“You fool! This is the police! We’ve been noticing some suspicious activity going on in this neighborhood for weeks now, and we’ve noticed that it has all been involving this house! There’s somebody in the house with you! You need to get the children and get them out of the house right-” the phone suddenly cut off. Trixie blinked, and shrugged, hanging up the phone.

“Must have been the wrong number,” she thought aloud to herself. Trixie then continued making her pizza with ham, salami, and turkey sandwich as if nothing had happened.

In the midst of making her sandwich, Trixie suddenly heard the sound of feet moving around upstairs. Trixie sighed, and sat her food down.

“Those stupid brats,” she said. “They had better not be dancing around to Britney Spears or something.” Then Trixie remembered, once again, that they were deaf-mutes and couldn’t listen to music.

Trixie started on her way up the stairs, and to the children’s room when she suddenly saw something shifting in the dark hallway. She turned like a lightning bolt, merely catching a shadowy figure moving into Mr. and Mrs. Jefferson’s bedroom. Trixie scowled angrily, and grinded her teeth.

“Those kids….” she muttered.

As Trixie went to investigate what was going on in the Jefferson’s bedroom, a bright flash of lightning lit up the entire room. Standing there, in the middle of Mr. and Mrs. Jefferson’s bedroom…. were Cindy and Mindy! Trixie growled in a fit of rage, and took a step toward them.

“What do you brats think you’re doing?” Trixie demanded.

That’s when Trixie remembered, yet again, the children were deaf-mutes, so they couldn’t hear her.

But that’s when it happened….

“Hello, Trixie,” Cindy said, the little girl’s bowl-like hair reaching just past her shoulders.

“Hello, Trixie,” Mindy said in unison with Cindy, appearing nearly identical to her twin sister.

Trixie blinked, and giggled.

“Wow! You learned to talk! That’s awesome!” Trixie exclaimed, astounded.

But Cindy and Mindy were not amused.

“You have mistreated us for the last time, Trixie,” Cindy said.

“And now it is time to teach you a lesson,” Mindy said.

Trixie giggled, and erupted into a dumb, obnoxious laugh.

“You kids are so funny!” she exclaimed.

Trixie was so caught up in her laughter she didn’t even notice the knives in the children’s hands, and when she did….

“Hey, I’m making a sandwich. You can use those knives to cut it for me,” Trixie said.

But those knives weren’t for cutting Trixie’s sandwich, which now would never get eaten….