Confusion

“I feel as if I’m supposed to act a certain way,” Joanne expressed candidly. Mark nodded his head out of pure politeness, not really paying in mind the real meaning of Joanne’s words. It was a chilly summer evening and fortunately, for both of them-being as organized as they were, were covered with appropriate chilly-summer afternoon garments so they could not feel the affect of the scourging wind against their body. They were the only ones at the park, not that it was any surprise to them as living in this particular quiet suburban neighbourhood, scarcely anyone bothered to come outside, partly because most were on vacation.

They leaned against the fence that bordered the back side of the park; Joanne standing or rather pacing, and Mark sitting on a patch of grass.

“Do you know what I mean?”

“Umm yes, of course. It’s as if you’re not in tact with people around you and they notice so you have to act or react the way you think you’re expected to.” Mark was saying any mindless babble that popped into his head, only to keep her there, not that she was going anywhere anytime soon. They were merely acquaintances, nothing more, nothing less and Joanne happened to be there, capturing the attention of Mark with her questions.

“Wow! I love you! You seem to know exactly what I’m talking about!” She smiled and took a seat next to him. He knew she didn’t mean I love you as in I love you but just those words coming out of her mouth sent a ripple of pleasure through his heart. Even a simple glance at her seemed to have some sort of effect on him, her wild unruly curly black hair, her brown expressive almond eyes and her graceful athletic figure although she had deemed herself as athletically challenged. All he knew was that he often felt lonely even with other people in this box of his, but right now, in all her unruliness and sparkly eyes, the void was beginning to fill up.

“So more about you,” she said enthusiastically, looking up to meet his dark blue eyes, “how do you feel about stuff?”

“Uhh,” he couldn’t say I feel nothing, he knew that would just disappoint her and he couldn’t go on this cheesy babble about seeking truth about the world around him, so he decided to take on a different route.

“I feel…physical.”

“What do you mean?” She asked, laughing meanwhile expressing a look of puzzlement on her face.

“Uhh you know, I’m fascinated by uh physical attraction,” he quickly backpedaled. “Just the intensity of the whole thing.” She was nodding her head seriously, unconsciously drawing closer to him, physically, ironically.

“It’s just how complex it all is, I guess,” he expanded on this, realizing that he was kind of, sort of on a roll. “Yet, it’s so simple you know? Especially if you really love the person.” And this was the moment he decided to pull a cheesy-leading-man-in-a- teenybopper-movie trick; the casual arm around the shoulder move. And he did, and to his excitement, she leaned against him, snuggling against his chest. He couldn’t suppress the victorious grin that was threatening to escape his lips and the way his breath grew jagged the moment her head fell upon his chest, listening to the slightly fast paced beat of his heart (he was born with an exceptionally rapid heartbeat).

“Yeah,” Joanne murmured closing her eyes. Then she surprised him by quickly getting up, or rather hopping up.

“Thanks, this was great! It is excellent for the project I’m doing.”

“Project?” Mark repeated in confusion.

“Yeah, well it’s not really a project, just a little experiment. It was just about feelings really, talking about them, seeing if it comes to life when you do, that kind of thing.”

“Uhh what?”

She squeezed his shoulder in a friendly way, “you were an awesome candidate. I’ll see you later!” And that was it; she left him in a blaze of bewilderment and puzzlement. Was it something he said?

Joanne left, beginning her walk back home, rolling her eyes at what she had just left. What a fluke, he really thought she had bought his crap about his fascination of “physical attraction.” But she had to give it to him, she almost bought it up until the “yet it’s so simple you know?” Still, she had rested her head against his chest and in that moment she felt not expected. As much as she hated cheesy fluff, she had to admit, it almost felt…right, at least in that moment. Maybe she had being a little too hard on him. Too guarded, like she always was.

She began to walk back to the park and found him still leaning against the fence and gazing into the distance with the same look of confusion across his face. Mark’s face brightened when he saw Joanne approaching him. He got up and straightened himself up.

“I forgot one part of the experiment,” she said. She walked closer to him and placed her hand on his cheek, which turned pink by the sudden touch. And she leaned in, making sure to pause, to intensify the moment. And then she kissed him.

Just like that.