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.I.

PREFACE

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Juto Sasaki was born in Tokyo. He came to America when he was three with his father, who was searching for success, and settled on the west coast in a town that was full of people who had no interest in either of them and children who didn't know what Japan even was. Juto's father had trouble finding work; he decided to go to college. Juto was sent away at age seven to live with distant relatives in New York. He never learned their names. In fact, they didn't speak much English, which was Juto's first tongue, because his father didn't think that Japanese would be useful in America.

It didn't matter, because his relatives didn't take much interest in him; they acted like he wasn't there. He was eight. When summer was over, Juto had to get himself up for school. He eventually made some friends, but these relatives didn't care. There was something about Juto, something about his mother in Tokyo, that they hated. The relatives brought other Japanese people over, people who would actually look at Juto and wave at him and pat his head, but the relatives would mutter to them, and soon no one paid one look to him. Juto lost his friends and began to act strangely.

"I returned the movies, Toh."

"Thanks, I'll pay you back..."

When he was in sixth grade, he decided to join sports. Track. He was good at it. The coach, who Juto was allowed to call 'Sam', would always call out Good one, Sasaki! Nice run! and Juto would flash a grateful smile to this tall, muscular man. He became the star of the team so that Sam would like him more. By now, everyone avoided Juto -- his non-English speaking family, his non-Japanese peers, even his schoolteachers ignored him in the classroom, choosing to call on the pretty girls or the black kids. Juto was so alone and awkward that the older kids thought he was an exchange student who didn't speak English. So Juto became very attached to Sam, who became close to him and asked him to come to his house after school.

"Your breath smells like alcohol."

"There was, er, were some bottles in the cupboards...I helped myself...sorry..."

Juto knew that his relatives would be more than happy not to see him after school. Okay, Juto had agreed. Coach Sam smiled a weird smile that Juto had never seen him smile before, and he had a feeling he knew what that smile meant. It made him anxious and excited. He skipped his classes and went home with Sam early. Juto smoked his first dick ever in the car, on the ride there, to Sam's house. He forgot what Sam said to make him do it, though.

"I kinna feel like doing something...hello? Juto?"

"...what?"

"Wow, you zoning? What is with you lately...Relax, have a drink..."

"I don't want you throwing up all over my floors."

"I won't. I can withstand a lot of alcohol...the most I'll get tonight is dizzy, I promise..."

Sam and Juto arrived at Sam's house, which wasn't as clean and big as Juto had expected. They had sex. It hurt, but Juto never felt happier when he lied down beside Sam and let those big hands sprawl all over his body, lean from running and smooth from genetics. I was going to move, Sam said, fifteen minutes after they committed the act on the bare mattress. No, protested Juto, holding Sam's rugged face in his hands. Do you want to come with me? Sam whispered into his ear, smearing his face with more wet kisses. Juto nodded. He knew the relatives wouldn't mind. Even if they did, Juto would have followed Sam to Spain or Mongolia or Zimbabwe without question, doing whatever was asked of him, having the new thing called 'fun' that Sam had introduced to him.

"You're already totally wasted. We'll stay here and screw around, how's that."

"...mmmm, okay."

What ended up happening was that Sam took Juto to Seattle, after securing another coaching job there, and became Juto's legal guardian. They got used to living together after about three months, and Juto got used to going to school in Seattle, where he actually did have friends his own age. Even though everyone knew that Sam was Juto's legal guardian, they never suspected that the coach and the student were anything more. Juto dared to think that his life had actually become more normal after he moved in with Sam. But then it all went wrong.

"Hey, Juto..."

"What?"

"So are you gonna strip me or..."

"Eh, maybe tomorrow."

"I'll be hungover...or something...besides, you said that we'd..."

"I lied. Go to sleep."

Sam found another student to give him blowjobs, and he had the nerve to bring him to the apartment that he and Juto were living in. Hey, sweetheart, Sam tried to explain when Juto ran in on them screwing in his room. It was another Asian student, a boy who Juto recognized. Come on, it's not like we're married, Sam tried, but Juto wouldn't hear it. So this kid knows? Juto had asked, meaning their relationship. Sam nodded. Juto had crossed his arms and looked critically at the other Asian boy on the bed. He was in highschool, maybe a few years older than him, but Juto had the air of a bitter old man, and he intimidated both the kid and Sam. Sam then sighed, and broke the news: Juto, I want to move again

What?! hollared Juto. Where do you want to move, huh? California? Sam fidgeted; Well...yes. And that was where their relationship ended. Juto left the apartment with a suitcase full of cash and clothes, some of them Sam's, and the Asian kid's underwear, which he threw in the case by accident. Sam rushed out after him, yelling that he would straighten all the legal matters out. Juto gave him the finger.

"..."

"...you know, I think that he's still my guardian..."

"...who?"

"Oh damn, you're awake..."

"And drunk...don't worry, I probly won't remember..."

"Go to sleep, Toh."

"...okay...G'night, Juto..."

Again, Juto did research, and he discovered that no one was looking for him. I'm sure that Sam's living it up in Frisco right now, Juto wrote in his journal, with that other kid...someday I'll find Sam again. He is my legal guardian, after all. Juto filled three college-ruled, 200 page notebooks while Sam was gone -- the story of his life so far. And that was just the condensed version.

"Hey, Toh?"

"..mmm.."

"We should move to Frisco."

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Yeah, I know, one can only play out the pedophile thing so much (Watcher Boy), but I couldn't help myself. These stories just come tumbling out of me, I tell you. I'm like Nabokov writing a gay Lolita, and on the internet...

Anyway, if you're confused, everything in quotes is a conversation going on between an older Juto and his current lover, Alex Toh. All the paragraphs and italics are part of a flashback, when Juto was in school and having a relationship with the track coach, Sam. I know, I shouldn't have to clarify my writing to the readers, but I just get so afraid no one will understand...and if no one understands, no one reviews, get what I'm sayin'? Yeah, I knew you would.

Well, whatever you guys do, I'm slappin' a 2nd chapter on this baby soon.

A/N