As they began to reach the dorm, she began to panic a little. “Please, just drive a little more.” She didn’t want to return back. Not yet. She wanted to be with him just a little longer. “Just drive down to the parking lot so we can sit there for a bit.” She listened to the rumble of his car. How many mornings did she hear that sound, and how many evenings did she hear it slowly fade out of earshot? Hearing the blasting stereo system, and seeing that beautiful cherry-red. These, of course, were trivial things. If he didn’t have any of those, she wouldn’t have thought twice, but she associated them with him. Things that made her ears perk up, telling her that he was coming, that he was here. These things comforted her, and pulled at her heart. It feels as if he just got here, she thought, and now he is going back.

She tossed her cigarette out of the window, and he continued to drive. The music was playing softly, gently streaming out of the speakers and filling the car. Death Cab For Cutie, and their earnest, melancholy sound, always seemed to bring the more tender evenings to a close. As they entered the lot, it seemed as if all the spots had been filled. Damn. The small whisper of fate and karma combined slipped under her conscious mind, and she sensed the filled lot was a sign he had to go very soon. “I love you,” he said, his voice always softening, lightening a few notes, whenever he’d whisper something sweet, or whenever she was hurt. “Oh baby!” he’d coo so soft, yet genuinely terrified, like a doting parent, “are you okay?” She liked that about him. No; loved that about him. How he could be so nurturing, so protective of her. He made her feel safe. She loved his humor, and how he could be so goofy. There was nothing awkward between the two. There was an understanding between them that spanned everything- no words needed to express them. They could sense the other’s feelings, read their thoughts and know just what to do or say. She loved that too. She was amazed that someone so sweet could also be so passionate. He could be so seductive that every word spoken from his mouth would drip from his tongue and drive her crazy. She would tease him, lean in for a kiss, and step back, walking away. He would grab her wrist and pull her close, looking at her with mischievous eyes that seemed to say I’ve got you right where I want you. She loved to feign a struggle to break free. She’d take the bait, and run with it, and then he’d reel her in, pulling her even closer to him. She wanted to drink him all up. But she never felt dirty, or slutty. They could have made love a million times. But because of the guilt, regrets, and the emotional and physical drain she found after her earlier sexual encounters, she never really noticed how much innocence she lost until she found him. Plus, he would always correct her after she used the “s” word. “We never have sex. We always make love.” He gave her back more innocence than she probably had her entire life. The burden she had carried from her past experiences, those of which made her age more than she had intended, seemed to lift whenever she was with him. She would constantly refer to him as, although he never believed it, her guardian angel. She firmly believed that God sent him to her in order to save her soul from becoming hardened and broken.

He stopped for a few moments before exiting the lot. She glanced to her left and found a yellow moon, gauzed over by clouds. It looked softened, as if it were drawn with pastel and then rubbed over. It all seemed so surreal. She looked back at him, eyes sorrowful, turned upward. He understood it was time. He then proceeded to drive back to her dorm.

Once he reached it, his car rumbled down to a murmur as he parked in the drop-off area. “Goodbye sweetheart. I love you.” Once hearing that, however, she immediately lost it. “I’m sorry, but I can’t help it. Every time you go, I can’t….” the ache that began somewhere in the center of her chest rose upward to the back of her throat. She felt the tears spill out of her eyes, down her checks, and that rolling wet feeling leak out of her nose. She could barely continue. He finally managed to catch through all the sniffles “I love you so much and I miss you when you’re not here. I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to cry. I’m so sorry.” How absurd it was, she thought, that every time he left her she would cry. She thought she seemed much like a child, crying for her mother, or blanket, or her soft teddy bear. It was ridiculous, yet she couldn’t avoid it. Although she always knew she would see him again, that didn’t make the pain of him leaving her any worse. At her house, if he had to leave late at night, she would beg him to stay until she fell asleep. “Just hold me until I fall asleep. I don’t want to know that you’ve gone, and left me here alone.” True, he was always with her in a sense, but it wasn’t enough. She needed to see him, touch him, smell him. She just needed him, plain and simple. “I feel bad. I don’t like to see you cry. I’ll be back soon, I promise. I’ll come straight here after work on Friday.” His forehead was darkened by furrowed brows, his eyes concerned as he stared at his darling baby girl spilling her heart all over face and onto her dress. He hated to see her sad.

She gathered herself up, wiped the tears away, and took one final sniffle. “I love you darling.” She kissed him and closed the door to his car, and was about to leave when she notice the card she had bought for her father sitting on the seat. It was a novelty squirrel card, one with some reference about nuts, and too funny to pass up. His birthday was in January, and though it was still August, she figured she’d keep it until then. She was thankful she forgot something. At least it was one more chance to say another good bye. She opened the door, and chuckled “Forgot the squirrel card. Drive home safely, and call me when you get there.” She said “home” when she thought of his house, but they both knew where his home truly lied. His home was mobile, and incidentally at college. She looked into his eyes, her gaze a penetrating look that said a number of things, including: heed my advice seriously, darling. I love you, and want to make sure you return alive, and in one functional piece.

She turned and the swiftly walked up the stairs, opened the door to the building and walked down the corridors to her dorm room. She fumbled to find the key in her purse on her lanyard she typically wore around her neck, containing also her ID and dormitory pass. After unlocking her room, she quickly gazed into her mirror for any signs of dried mascara. The room was dark, yet she noticed her eyes were extraordinarily bright, most likely from her tears. The cool room was a comfort to her hot face. The flowers from Phillip’s he gave to her sat on top of the microwave-fridge unit. It had ten purple Stock flowers, two roses, which symbolized the both of them, and purple Statice flowers. How beautiful, and how befitting, that the roses and stock he chose, although he may not have known, symbolized undying love and affection, and that the Statice symbolized fond memories. Dear God, she thought out with all her soul, thank you for bringing him to me. I will do my best to make him as happy for the rest of his life as he has made me for these past ten months. What a short time to be together. At the rate it all seemed to be going though, she feared a lifetime wouldn’t be long enough.