She honestly didn’t feel as if she was lucky.

Even though she got herself out of trouble with as much grace and dignity as possible, she still felt that the heart of the matter- that she had ended up in such predicaments in the first place- was what made her unlucky.

Like now, for instance.

Her older cousin, the Duke, had insisted that she could take care of herself- a statement made out of annoyance because his fiancée was having deep, meaningful conversations with her instead of him.

And so, her father, the King, blinded to common sense whenever the young Duke began speaking, had insisted that she wander off no more than fifteen yards from the camp to explore.

So, obeying her tutor’s (drunk) wish that she sing to the birds, the Princess wandered off into the outlying forest with a stifled sigh, ignoring the badly disguised laughter of her younger cousins.

Nobody expected that the forest would move.

Thus, the Princess Faustine had ended up in her current state.

Mother Nature had not given her the luxury of ending up somewhere dry. Instead, her bottom half had landed in a pond filled with (smelly) stagnant water, surrounded by animals not wishing to be seen but instead only heard.

She did not stifle her sigh this time.

There was a large molding log not far from where she landed. She pulled herself out from the pond with some difficulty and crawled toward the rotting wood.

“Oy, you!”

Faustine shrieked and looked around wildly for the human voice.

She shrieked again when she finally found it.

It was coming from a naked girl- a bright blue slightly obese naked girl with purple hair.

“What’re you looking at, Twiggy?”

Faustine only stared at the girl wide-eyed.

“What are you doing in my swamp?”

The Princess finally found her voice, instilled with royal diplomacy.

“Swamp? Is this- this is your swamp, madame?”

The naked girl snorted.

“Oh don’t you madame me! And yes this is my swamp! I should have you shanked for trespassing!”

“Shanked!” Faustine cried in alarm. “But miss, please, let me explain! I was with my family enjoying the fresh air when I came to sing to the birds on the outskirts of the forest and then it moved and I ended up here and I don’t know where I am and please, oh please, don’t hurt me!”

She’d ended up in hysterics.

Unbeknownst to Faustine, the blue girl didn’t like hysterics.

“Oh, I know your type,” she sneered. “I know you posh, slender, polite, pretty, delicate human girls who think they’re just la-dee-da. And let me tell you something missy- I don’t like your type.”

Faustine groped for her diplomacy skills again.

“Oh, but miss, please pardon me if I’ve done anything to offend you. Perhaps you could help me find my way back to the royal encampment?”

The blue girl stiffened.

“Royal? Did you just say royal? What are you, a princess?”

Faustine suddenly recalled her tutor (when he wasn’t drunk) telling her about princesses who had been kidnapped by bad, bad, nasty people.

“Ah, no. No, not a princess. No, no, not me, haha.” She was a terrible liar. “I’m just a maid. Just a simple maid, that’s all.”

The blue girl glared at her. “What, do you think I’m stupid missy? You’re going to try and tell me you’re a maid when you’ve got a bloody crown in your hair?”

Oh. She’d forgotten about that.

“Oh, well, I’d just borrowed- yes, borrowed, this, erm, crown, from the princess. Because you see, she doesn’t like wearing it that much, and I, ah, as a maid, felt it in the kingdom’s best interests to wear it for her. Because you see, she’ll be a better ruler if she doesn’t have headaches all the time from when she wore a crown as a young woman.”

The blue girl now snarled, to Faustine’s alarm. “Why you lying little sl-“

But she didn’t finish her sentence because a very large, very ugly frog had just jumped onto her leg, and to Faustine’s horror, as she later on realized what was happening, was crawling upward. On the leg. Of the naked girl. Upward. A frog.

The naked girl shrieked with rage.

“Oh, you slimy, stupid, toad! Get off of me!” She yanked the frog off of her and threw it violently at Faustine, where it hit the log with a loud thump. She then stomped off deeper into the forest, out of sight.

Faustine sighed in relief and pulled herself up, only to fall straight back down again in the mud with a shriek when she saw the frog, who was even larger and even uglier up close, perched on top of the log, gazing steadily at her with huge, black eyes.

And then it made a noise. And another. Only the second one was shorter. And it opened it’s mouth very wide and made the first noise again followed by the second.

The Princess stared at it in horror, trying to figure out if it was offering a mating call or releasing some sort of toxic gas into the air that would paralyze her, making her body a very nourishing supper.

The frog continued making the noises again, until it almost sounded like-

Faustine gasped. The frog was saying hello. In two syllables.

And now, the frog spoke very clearly, in one syllable.

“Hello.”

She wanted to get up and run away back to the camp. Honestly, why had her stupid father listened to her stupid cousin who was just jealous because she was talking to his stupid fiancée-

Faustine stopped herself from thinking more treacherous thoughts, took a deep breath and said to the frog, “Hello.”

The frog merely stared at her with it’s big black eyes.

Faustine sighed and gave into what she thought were the charms of the mental fairy.

“Well, I don’t suppose you know a way out of here Mr. Frog?”

“Yes, but you must kiss me first.”

Faustine gasped in shock. “What did you say to me?”

The frog responded fluidly, “Kiss me. This forest is enchanted, as am I. In order to break the spell I am under, I must be kissed by a princess.”

Faustine was asleep. She had to be. Talking frogs? Naked blue girls with purple hair? Enchanted forests? Honestly.

She made up her mind.

“This is ridiculous. I’ll find my own way out.”

She pulled herself up in one motion, despite the extra weight that her soaked dress added and put her foot up to take a step forward, looked down and saw a magenta chipmunk staring up at her, shrieked yet again, lost her balance and toppled facedown onto the molding log, the very large, very ugly talking frog right under lips.

It was completely accidental. It wasn’t even a kiss. Her lips had just puckered up from the pain and before she could really register that she had fallen on to the frog, there was a body underneath hers- a human, naked, warm, boy body- with its arms wrapped protectively around her waist, and when she opened her eyes and saw nothing but white teeth in a wide, infectious grin the only coherent thought that went through her mind was

“Oh my. Well, you’re not ugly.”

Never mind. She was quite lucky.