Redemption

By Li Lin

Song: Better Than Me – Hinder

"Why did you do it?" She crumpled at the doorway, curling herself into a tight ball as they took him away. "Why?!"

Her tears poured like there was no tomorrow, while her heart shattered into a million shards, to be scattered across the ground, to be trodden underfoot...

As the two men clad in navy blue nudged him forwards roughly, he looked back, to see the sight of her devastated face. He stumbled forwards, turning his head away from the heart-wrenching sight. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tilted his face upwards, controlling the tears that threatened to spill. His own heart broke, as her wracking sobs tore through the silence of the night.

Those anguished cries were soon masked, as the police car engine geared up and sped off into the darkness, its sirens at full blast.

I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be

He looked around the bare, gray walls of his cell. Running callused fingers over the rough cement floor, images of her flashed through his mind. Her tinkling laugh, her radiant smile, her sparkling eyes, and her undying love for him... A single warm tear found its way down his cheek, falling to the ground. He sank back on his haunches, leaning his shaven head against the wall.

All the things he had said to her, and all the promises he had made. Were they worth breaking, for the pathetic amount of cash in return? It was no wonder that she had lost her trust in him.

He lied to her.

I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

A cool breeze tickled his cheek. The figure clad simply in a black shirt and worn jeans squinted his eyes against the bright sunlight. The prison warden smiled warmly at the man, a smile that he gladly returned.

He dragged his feet along the pavement, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings. He wanted to go back, to see her beautiful face, to pull her into his arms and to never let go... But he knew he could not. He could never face her ever again - not after what he had done to her. Walking in silence, he hailed a cab and got in, conveying the address of their apartment to the driver.

While looking through your old box of notes
I found those pictures I took
That you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room

The blue paint on the door was peeling, and the windows had a thick layer of dust. Frowning, he walked closer, when the truth hit him. There was nobody living inside, despite the fact that the graying welcome mat was still in its rightful place. Where had she gone? A white-haired old lady shuffled up to the door of the next apartment. She paused and turned to look at him inquiringly.

"Hello, young man, may I help you?" Her smile was pleasant, and she looked at him with kind eyes. He returned her a shaky smile of his own.

"Do you know the lady who used to live here, ma'am?" He was startled that he would even bother asking that question. "Did she move away?"

"Oh... Yes, I do. She moved away five years ago. I met the woman a few times after I shifted to live with my daughter, but she left a little while after that," she replied thoughtfully. "Is there any reason why you're looking for her now?"

"No. Thank you, ma'am."

Five years... That was when I was taken away by the cops...

She gave him one last smile and unlocked the door to her own apartment. He watched her enter the apartment before turning to leave, kicking at the mat as he went. The mat shifted, to reveal a dirtied piece of paper. Bending down, he picked up the paper. It wasn't a piece of paper after all, it was a photograph.

It was a younger him; a happier him. He had an arm slung around her slim shoulders, their faces lit up with ecstatic smiles. It had been taken on their anniversary when they were at their favorite hangout - behind the brick wall near the river. Four days before her birthday. Four days before he left. Carefully, he folded it and slid it into his pocket.

I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

She glanced at the calendar, one arm wrapped protectively around her daughter's shoulder. Her daughter looked up at her with innocent eyes, cradling her doll in her arms. An older woman entered the room to catch her daughter looking wistfully at the calendar. A disapproving frown crossed her face.

"Girl, you have to stop thinking about that irresponsible guy."

"Mum..."

"He burgled a house, dear! And he left you with dear Angie all alone!"

"I..."

"Forget about him, he isn't worth it. C'mere Angie dear. We'll go bake some cookies..."

She watched her mother bring her daughter to the kitchen in silence. Maybe her mother was right. She should forget about him. The doorbell rang.

"Could you get the door, sweetheart?" Her mother called from the kitchen. She got up and crossed the floor to the closed door. Opening it, she saw nobody there. A glance down though, and there was an envelope.

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend...
I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end

Dear Jesslyn,

I did it, because I loved you.

Love always,
Damien

"Why did you leave... again...?" It was a familiar side, as Jesslyn crumpled to the ground in a heap, tears trickling down her cheeks. She let loose a mirthless laugh when the photo of them fell from the envelope. "You promised you would never leave..."

I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
(And I think you should know this)
(You deserve much better than me)

"I did it... Because I wanted to buy you a ring."

Damien sat atop the brick wall where they took their last photo. He picked up a stone and flung it out towards the river, watching it ripple the water's smooth surface.

"I'm leaving you... Because you deserve much better than me."

A/N: Just thought of this while frantically replaying Hinder's Better Than Me over and over a million times. I doubt it's really good, but I hope you like it. Please R&R!