I know I could never say this
But I have to make it known
People say that they are here for me
But I still feel SO alone
I know that God will take care of you …and me too
And that I am NEVER alone
But I can’t help feeling this way
Since you are not here by my side
You lie in a hospital bed
Praying that I won’t be scared or angry
I pray the same thing for you
You say that I’m your strength
That us kids are the reason you fight
But the truth is that you are my strength
I draw my strength from you
You are the rock of this family
The glue that keeps us together

You refer to me as the strong one
And look to me to lead the family
When you are not around to fill your shoes…
But I know I NEVER will
The truth is that I’m just a little girl
Your little girl
A girl who’s good at masking pain
And hiding what I really feel
I pretend that everything’s fine
That I couldn’t be better
But what I really want to do is
Crawl under my covers
And scream into my pillow
Throw something against the wall
I want to lose my temper and just cry
But I know that in doing so
I would just let others down
I’m supposed to be the strong one
Not the scared little girl I really am
So I put on my brave face
And think of you

You are a strong woman
Who relies wholly on the Lord
You taught me that without God we are nothing
That He is always there for us no matter what
And that He is our strength and comfort
You taught me that education was important
And how to run a home
Lets face it
You taught me everything I know

You have ALWAYS been there for me
And never once complained
Going to softball and soccer games
Drill practice and competitions
Making sure I did my school work
And got a good education
Listening to me when I was down
Making sure I had everything I needed
Taking care of me when I was sick
You’ve taken care of me for the last 19 years
And now it’s my turn to do the same for you
Don’t be angry our roles are reversed
Because I wouldn’t have it any other way
I’m not complaining
I’m happy to do it
After all you gave me life

I’m angry but not at God
I’m angry with the doctors
Who didn’t catch this sooner
I’m angry at this disease
That is slowly taking you away from me
I’m angry with everyone
Who ever thought you were faking it
Who brushed it off as laziness
And never paid it much attention
I’m angry with everyone who told you
To get up and get out of bed
And that it was all just in your head
I’m angry that I have to watch you
Slowly fade in front of me
Watching your frail body
Fight for it’s life
I’m angry at the fact that
You might not be here
That you might not be here for my graduation
My wedding whenever that may be
To watch your daughters grow up
To watch your grandchildren grow
And spoil them rotten

I lie awake at night and wonder
When will all this end?
Will you get a new liver?
Or will I lose my best friend?
I know that God has a plan
And I don’t know what that is
But I often ask myself why
Why would He do this?
What purpose does this serve?
But I know that God is in control

I wish we could go back in time
To a time when everything was alright
When you weren’t sick
When we didn’t have to worry about these things
I long to go back to those moments
When we would lie on your bed
And you would hold me tight
And I would tell you how my day went
I want to go back to those late nights we had
When you would sit on my couch
With your head in my lap
And we would watch TV
Or have late night snacks
I miss those times
When we would sit and talk
About everything and nothing at all
I miss all the jokes you used to tell
Or pranks you would pull on me
I miss all the stories you would tell me
But most of all
I miss you always being by my side

Without you life would be hard
I know that life will go on
If you go a big part of me goes too
But I look at two young faces
Who desperately love their mom
Taking your place as caregiver
Won’t be an easy task
It requires love and patience
Something that I sorely lack
However I will try
I’ll try my best each day
I made that promise to you
I will love them as you would
Because you taught me to

If you are gone and no longer here
If God calls you home
You’ll hear Him say
“Well done my good and faithful servant”
When you stand before His throne
If you are gone and no longer here
If God calls you home
I won’t be sad that you’re not here
Only sad you beat me home
If you are gone and no longer here
If God calls you home
I know that you’ll watch over me
And by God’s side you’ll stand
You’ll ask God to keep me safe
But knowing your sense of humor
You’ll also ask God to bring me a man

The questions of family duty
And obligations to myself run through my mind
Should I continue with school?
Or stay home and take care of the family?
I know you'd tell me "continue with school"
In fact you already have
But the two faces I see
The little girls who love you SO much
And who would be lost without you
Make me question myself
And I wonder if I should continue later on
I know I promised you
That I would stick with school no matter what
But I don't want to leave them alone
I don't know what to do

I know I never told you this

But you are my example
Of how a woman of God should be
You are the strongest person I know
You are my best friend
My hero
You are Wonder Woman after all

I really hope that one-day
When I'm all grown up
That I could be just like you
And the person that you are
Making people laugh
And endlessly telling jokes
I would be SO blessed
If I could be just a little bit like you
But I would be even more blessed

If God would grant me this one wish
That I could be the kind of mother
For my own children
That you are for us kids

I love you more than ANYTHING
More than words or actions can express
I would do anything for you
And wish you nothing but the best
I'd travel to the ends of the earth for you
But you would probably say
"That's what I'm supposed to do for you"
Know that many love you
And you have touched so many lives
But no life more than mine
I can never say it enough
I love you momma
I love you forever and ever
I'm just a little girl
Your little girl
Who really loves her mom