Epilogue

Epilogue

I held the two letters in my hands and reread the second.

Dear Nicola,

I don’t blame you. I don’t blame anyone. My death was necessary for Alexandria’s plan to work. I would gladly lay down my life for your mother and I have.

I understand that you might have to kill some of my wolves and I don’t blame you for that either. Instead of heaping fault on you, I want to ask for forgiveness. Alexandria and I have killed your family and ruined your short life. We have put you through so much pain, hurt and stress. You can’t understand how much it broke us to hurt our own child. I sent my brother and Brodie to Silvertooth with the express order to take all of their cubs under the age of fifteen, and I allowed my wolves to hate you so you would become stronger. I am the cause of everything. I can fully understand you’re hatred of us, but still, I wish to beg for forgiveness.

The only consolation I can give you is that after I had died, you will live happily with the man whom you love. Your mother told me that the moment I died, this future would be concreted.

Brodie did not know you were his sister. He loved you for yourself and for you to gain so much of his regard should show you how beautiful and amazing a daughter you are. Your audacious move to protect the cub that had broken your nose made him only respect you more so. I too, respected you more because of it.

You remind me so much of your mother. The way you walk, the way you speak, your eyes. It was a joy to see you, here with your family, even if they didn’t know it. I expect you’ll hate Blackmoon after this, but please try and remember any good memories you’ve had.

I thank you, for allowing me to be with Alexandria finally. I love you very much, Nicola.

Your Father,

Zachariah

The words were as familiar as my mother’s letter. I pressed both pieces of paper against my chest and sucked in a deep breath. Time had dulled the ache of emotions I almost couldn’t name. Only two were clear to me. Regret and love.

Slowly, the love had cultivated inside me, those few days after I’d killed Zachariah and afterward. My love was strange. I loved Mommy already, but had learned to love my father through the understanding of what he had sacrificed for me and my future; his life.

I turned and picked up two objects. The first was Alexander’s portrait of my mother. I had found it in Zachariah’s room when I hesitatingly ventured into the Mansion. Perhaps what I’d done was wrong, sneaking into that forbidden place, but…I couldn’t bring myself not too. It was technically my home too and I had had a burning desire to find something, anything, with which to remember my parents and brother by.

In a small study in the west wing I had found the picture, propped up on a table. My father had taken the painting from my room in the first month of my stay at Blackmoon. I had cried then, on the wooden floor of the small study, the smell of my dead, murdering father still lingering in the air.

I gently placed my lips first on my mother’s face then the shadow behind her. “Thank you.” I whispered, finding those two words the only outlet for my feelings.

I placed the portrait on the side table to my left and fingering the other object. I had found this in a dusty, disused room filled with female furniture and clothes. A brush had been left on the vanity mirror and as I stepped into the room, I knew without a doubt, that my mother had lived here while at Blackmoon. I could almost feel her ghostly presence sitting on the bed, brushing her hair and smiling at my father, who would have leaned against the window.

I stepped farther into the room and looked at the mirror. Through the fuzzy image of myself I made out words that had wiped into the dust. I love you and there was an arrow pointing towards the table of the mirror. The breath stilled in my lungs and I stepped forward. Lying on the bench was a tiny package.

I picked it up and opened it, fingers shaking ever so slightly. The object inside glinted ever so slightly and as I pulled it out, more tears fell. It was a gold locket, heart shaped.

A tiny piece of paper said,

Your mother told me to have this made for you and specified the names to put on it.

I bit my lip and looked closer at the little heart. Almost unnoticeable, names were engraved on every inch of the surface, wrapped around the heart in a spiral pattern. Nathaniel Alexandria Alexander Matthew John Henry Edward Brice Ferris Toby Brodie Zachariah Michaeil Alexia Zander Brynn. The last four names were unknown to me, but I had a fair idea of who they might be.

I smiled and rubbed my thumb over the names. Carefully, I slipped the necklace around my throat and pulled the catch to keep it in place. It fit beautifully around my neck and laid comfortably against my skin. I glanced at myself in the mirror and nodded resolutely. Yes, I looked fine…beautiful, in fact.

I paused for a moment and stared at myself in the mirror. My face was youthful, too unlined to have gone through the experiences I had had. The only indication of my harrowing life was the darkness in my eyes. Even I could see it, a distrustful, haunted look that stared out of my green eyes. Green eyes that had seen so much in such a short span of life. I thought back to those few traumatic days before my return to Amberblood.

We buried them at dawn the next day, after I’d found the portrait and the necklace, while all of Blackmoon were still asleep. I wept as we placed the dead in their graves. My brother, Brodie, my father Zachariah, Billy and the others I had killed. It was on the same hill that Ferris and I had watched the night sky from, the same hill that I had reunited with my boys. They had buried Matthew the night previously, on this same hill.

I cried as they cried, mourned the loss of one of our best friends. They comforted me as I cried over Brodie, the brother I had never known, but who had loved me and Zachariah, the father I had never known, but who had loved me. I cried for Billy, a respected enemy and for the other nameless men I had slaughtered.

I gave vent to all of my emotions, letting them take me over and exhaust me mentally. I acknowledged the horrible irony of my situation and came to terms with my killings. After the funeral, I felt empty and clean. I would carry the weight to their deaths for my entire life, but I would not be stooped by it.

After the funeral I explained everything that I knew to Nathaniel, including my mother’s appearance in my mind, the voice that I’d heard a few times over my life, Zachariah as my father and the things I’d found in the Mansion. He listened silently, then after I fell silent, gathered me in his arms and held me tightly. “Is it horrible of me to say that I’m still so happy I met you?”

“No,” I mumbled, sniffing, “I’m happy I love you.” Nathaniel pressed his cheek against mine and whispered in my ear, “I would tear the world apart, rock by rock, to be with you.” It was what I needed to hear. Badly.

Nathaniel was unable to change back to a vampire by himself, so we both strained through the process, a time later, exhausting ourselves into a sudden faint, but successfully changing him back.

When we awoke, on the second day of Blackmoon’s magical sleep, my vampire Prince took one look at me and raced from my bedroom. I frowned and got up, abruptly terrified that he had remembered the feelings he had had after I’d killed my father. Hesitantly I followed his down the stairs, trailing him by smell. My senses had improved since fully maturing.

John ghosted after me. My role with my friends had changed subtly. I was still their beloved friend, but now I was also their Alpha. Matthew had been their unofficial leader, but with his death and their advent into maturity, an instinct to find a permanent leader had arisen. I was the obvious choice. Unwittingly I had created a wolf Pack. John, my second in command, usually followed behind me from a distance, as a kind of bodyguard. My other cubs were never far away. I didn’t mind.

“Nathaniel!” I yelled, knowing that even loud noises wouldn’t awaken the Blackmoon wolves.

“Stay away from me.” He yelled back, quickly dashing behind a building.

“Wha…why?” I shouted, breaking into a run. Desperation clawed at me. I couldn’t lose my love. I couldn’t, not after all I’d been through.

“Monkey! Stay away from me! I’m in the human world now! I feel the…the thirst.” His voice choked at the last as though through gritted teeth. Relief nearly swamped me. He still loved me. He still cared. Nathaniel was only worried about hurting me. I took a deep breath and motioned for John, Edward and Ferris to stay back. The others had gone in search of the Blackmoon cubs. They growled low, knowing and disliking that I was putting myself in danger, even if they didn’t know from what.

“Nathaniel, if you need blood, I want you to take mine.” I stepped forward, ducking around the building to where he was crouched, teeth gritted and fists clenched. “No.” It was a hard word.

“Yes.” I said, “You won’t be able to control yourself for long. It’s best that you drink from me and not a stranger.” I stepped closer and he cringed away, iron control slipping a fraction. I crouched down and murmured, almost pleading, “Nathaniel.” He stared at me from the shadows, black eyes gleaming with a dark, feral hunger. “R-really?” I felt a flash of fear as his white fangs appeared from the blackness, but quelled it. This was the man I loved. “Really.” I replied, my voice steady.
It happened faster than I expected. In a single moment, Nathaniel had leapt from the shadows and taken me in his steel grip, gently holding me in his lap while his lips caressed my neck. Then a cruel sting as his long, thin teeth pierced my skin and a sudden rushing sensation. Instinct took over momentarily and I struck out, but was quickly confined within Nathaniel’s unbreakable grasp. He carefully stilled my struggles and continued to suck. Immediately I began to feel woozy, a sickening sensation that I associated with spinning out of control towards the ground. My vision began to fade. The pulling sensation continued even as it became a little painful, then more so. “Na…Nathaniel. S-stop.” I tried weakly to pull away. “Na…” I trailed off as my strength failed me. Anymore and he’d kill me. I’d die. Ha, after all this. Die…

He jerked away from me with a cry. My blood leaked for a moment down my neck, but then the wound closed and fused, leaving no evidence that it had ever been. “Oh Nicky Oh, Monkey. Please, forgive me. Please, oh god. Why? Please. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Heartbreak rang in his words and I smiled hazily, hearing an echo of what I’d felt earlier. “S’alright. I won’t…die. Y-you needed…it.” Nathaniel slipped his arms around my waist once more and held me closer, placing my head on his chest. I breathed in his warmth and sighed, content and safe within his arms.

“What did you do to her?” The growled words were forced out between wolf fangs. John stood tense, Ferris and Edward in wolf form behind him, snarling. “Let go of her or…else.” The threat was genuine. They would kill anyone who hurt me. I blinked as the blackness dissipated and I felt strength return to my limbs. Being a werewolf was convenient at the best of times. No injury or unhealthiness could survive in my body. I was recreating blood as quickly as I’d lost it. “It’s alright. Nathaniel is a vampire. He needed blood.” I yawned and fought the urge to snuggle into my love’s arms. I shouldn’t do that in front of my wolves. “It won’t be like this is Amberblood,” I explained, “Vampires don’t feel the thirst there.”

“I’m…sorry.” Nathaniel said and his guilt and regret was evident enough for even my boys to understand.

“I’m fine,” I told them as they untensed. It couldn’t be called relaxing. “I’ve already regained most of the blood I lost.” Blacking out the world for a moment, I felt my blood tie with Nathaniel. It was thicker and firmer in my mind, an unmistakable strand that connected us through deep magic and love. I don’t mind, Nathaniel. Really.

But…He trailed off, unable to find the words. He simply showed me his emotions, letting out a gush of self-hate, anger, regret and guilt. In return I shared my comfort, love and amusement at his attitude. Gradually, he saw my side of the argument and agreed that although this wasn’t exactly pleasant, it wasn’t painful and it was necessary.

Putting the experience aside, I got up and went with Nathaniel and my boys to the mess hall. I had rediscovered the need to eat every day and use the latrine, while temporarily staying at Blackmoon. I was surprised to find that, before he left to find the Blackmoon cubs, Brice was a surprisingly good cook.

Henry burst through the door while we ate, furred and panting. He stopped for a moment before me, tail and ears down, then raced outside again and disappeared for a few minutes. Nathaniel stared after my wolf, brows clenched quizzically. “What did he do that for?” he asked, turning and brushing against my side. It seemed that even though he had transformed back into a vampire, Nathaniel had kept the desire and tendency to touch and be touched…at least, with me.

“It’s hierarchy. He greets me first, because I’m Alpha.” Nathaniel raised an eyebrow, still not quite understanding. “I’m Queen.” I explained and he nodded, grinning.

“Getting ready for the role already?” He asked and flicked a strand of hair away from my cheek, skillfully and secretly caressing it at the same time. I hide a smile.
Henry came back soon, fully clothed, sweaty and out-of-breath. “N-nicky….I fou…nd…the cubs.” He wheezed for a minute, catching his breath then came forward and stood to attention, shoulders back and feet braced. “Oh, sit down.” I said and laughed at him, “I can be an Alpha and your friend at the same time!” Quickly Henry sat and explained where the Blackmoon cubs were, about a days march from here, in the forests. Fraysher and Daneral were with the cubs.

“Good.” I said, “We have to erase their memories as well. Make sure you have everything packed, boys. We won’t be coming back. We depart at noon.”

Breaking the glare of my reflection, I turned to Toby with a shy, hesitant smile. He grinned and said, “You look amazing, Nicky.”

“Thank you.” I mumbled, blushing slightly.

“Well,” Toby said, turning pink, “My Lady?” He straightened up his posture, as Duke Egris had been instructing him to and offered me his arm. Pride glowed from his face and as he stuck out his chest. He’d grown so big. Toby was on eyelevel with me. “Wait one more moment.” I glided to a box I’d left on the bed. Toby and I no longer shared a room. He had chosen to occupy the one next door to mine and he was still my “servant” for lack of a better term. I flipped open the box lid and drew out a small metal object. Carefully, I pinned it onto his jacket, holding one hand over his eyes. Stepping back, I laughed as he stared down at the small, golden medal with awe and joy. “R-really?” He asked, mouth curving into the biggest bow I could imagine on a human face. “Yes.” I grinned at him.

“Nicky!” He rushed forward and grabbed me in a tight hug.

“Careful!” I shrieked and he instantly let go.

“Sorry.” He mumbled, abashed, but unable to contain his glee.

“You deserve it.”

“I’ll make you proud. Really, I will.”

“You already have.” I told him.

There was a knock on the door, then two welcome faces popped in. “Oh, you look beautiful!” Daneral cooed and wiped an eye. I laughed at her, while she greeted Toby. There was no possible way I looked as beautiful as she did. Fraysher had grown as well and you could just see the beginnings of womanhood in her slim figure. I smiled, thinking that I couldn’t even compete with Fraysher for general prettiness. She stared up at me with big eyes then mumbled, “Nicky, how come Andrew, Jacob and Roland decided to come with you to Amberblood?” I hadn’t seen Fraysher in years and the question, so abrupt, shocked me. I’d forgotten how Edmund and Daneral’s daughter acted. “I don’t know,” I told her, “Before I wiped the memories of the Blackmoon cubs, I asked if anyone wanted to join me. They said they wanted too, so I brought them with me. Perhaps because they were in my old squad?” On that day, I hadn’t been able to wipe myself from Daneral and Fraysher’s minds. I just couldn’t bring myself to delete the happy memories we had had together. Instead, I told them the entire story and Daneral understood. We had remained fast friends, sending message to each other, despite being on different worlds. I had sent some of my wolves to bring her back for the special event. She was overjoyed to be invited.
“Oh.” Fraysher’s face clouded for a moment, but she brightened. “Alright.”

There was noise from the hallway and Daneral looked back, her head momentarily disappearing from my view. “You’re escort is here, Nicky.”

I nodded, “We should go before I’m late. That wouldn’t be to seemly would it?” I grimaced. Some etiquette was still hard for me to grasp. The only positive, was that I didn’t have to act demure and womanly all the time, just on these occasions.

Daneral and Fraysher withdrew to be replaced by a huffy John. “Nicky.” His voice was laden with impatience. My Beta’s tendency to books and thoughtfulness had bled into a strict adherence to any schedules. He moaned about how unserious I was. I just replied that I was happy.

“Oh,” John blinked and stared at me, “You look wonderful.”
“Thank you.”

“But you’re still late.” He added. Toby coughed politely and motioned towards his golden pin. John’s eyes lit up, “Congratulations, Toby. I’ll be seeing you tomorrow morning, then?”

“Certainly, sir.” Toby said, delight making his face glow once more.

I couldn’t help smiling, a excitement and happiness I had been holding back for so long, breaking through to the surface. “Alright. Let’s go.” I chuckled.

John straightened and threw open the door with a flourish and a bow, revealing all of my wolves and the no-longer-new additions, dressed handsomely in red, gold and white and the gorgeously dressed Daneral and Fraysher.“Your wish is my command, sweet lady!” John murmured.
Toby laughed and held out his arm. Sweetly, I placed my hand on it and we stepped forward. I cuffed John lightly as I walked past, “Insolent dog!”

“Oh, yes, Madam!” He grinned intensely, “In fact, one of the Queen’s Bloodwolves, as you can see by this honorary wolf badge from Commander Nicola, witch, werewolf, member of the Lions’ Guard, Prince’s fiancé and,” he looked from my unfixed veil to my long white wedding dress, “soon-to-be Queen of all Amberblood.”

My guard, the Queen’s Bloodwolves, bowed as one. Daneral and Fraysher curtsied deeply. “I won’t be though, if we’re any later.” My escort straightened at once, fangs glinting from their ferocious, proud faces. Fraysher joined them, a little girl in amongst a group of deadly men, with vicious incisors to match.

The End

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