A/N: Hey, thanks for reading. This is my second story, for my first, refer to my page. I decided to go with a political theme for this one, but something that everyone can easily relate to. It's still farse, and hopefully, it lives up to my last work.

So... read, review, and most importantly, enjoy.

In the distant future, the “Ninja vs. Pirate” debate will finally elevate to the epitome of battles: Presidential Election. If the world doesn’t end up getting destroyed by this epic conflict, then the ensuing presidential debate will provide substantial information based on who would truly be better at running the country, pirates or ninjas.

This also establishes the precedent for two new independent parties, the “Shredderalist” party, for the ninjas, and the “Pirate” party for the pirates, whom are far less creative.

However, why provide unnecessary exposition? The following is the verbatim manuscript from the debate the year that pirates and ninjas finally took their dispute out of the battlefield, and into the white house:

“Hello, everyone, and welcome to this year’s presidential debate. As you can see, joining us this evening, are the winners of the primary elections for each candidate’s parties: From the Shredderalist party, Mr. Hiroshi Unagi Mitsubishi Tempura Lee. Our other independent candidate, from the Pirate party, is Mr. Greenbeard McScurvington II. And last, our lesser loved candidate from the Demopublic party, comprised by two parties who had to actually form together in order to garner enough support to rival the support had by the independents, William Williamson. Without further ado, we will begin the questioning. First question goes to you, Mr. Lee. Where do you stand on the issue of gay marriage?”

“A very interesting question. Let me first give my view on marriages in general. You see, I see every marriage as a challenge. Blessings of matrimony practically beg to be severed by my katana. Now, naturally, without gay marriages, there would be far less happiness to ruthlessly destroy, so my job is easier. However, with more marriages, I gain more happiness from my tarnishing of happiness. So, in short, I support gay marriage.”

“Thank you, Mr. Lee. Mr. Williamson, same question.”

“Ahem... well, you see... gay marriage is... marriage... but with different... marriage-like things involved. So... I choose not to concern myself with... the choices of my candidates... but rather the choices that my candidates choose to not not concern others instead without not themselves...”

“...brilliant. The next question is posed to Mr. Scurvington. What are your views on the concern for a new fuel source?”

“Pirates have been directly affecting the amount of fossil fuels since the beginning of time. I believe you all know that pirates were responsible for the extinction of dinosaurs. However, in this same respect, pirates never need to use fossil fuels. For years we’ve been raiding and pillaging (both villages and women) with no need for gasoline. So, yes, we need a new fuel source, but we don’t need to spend money advancing toward some new corn-fuel, when we could save money going back to the ultimate fuel: the wind in a sail, and sweaty men with oars.”

“A fantastic answer, and I think your public agrees. Mr. Williamson, would you like to try again?”

“Yes, thank you. I’d like to start out by thanking you for having me here tonight. My heart goes out to the public who voted for me, and I thank them for their endless support. And based on those reasons, that is where I stand on the fuel issue.”

“I... see... Well. Mr. Lee. Would you please give us your stance on foreign policy and illegal immigration into our country?”

“I’d love to. Mainly, for foreign policy, I’m not about to bend to other countries’ leaders, when I know that with a simple silent command, the ninja I have hiding constantly on top of their heads could snap their necks. Yes, ultimately my foreign policy boils down to the precedent set by the Supreme Court case Ninja v. State of Kansas which states that neck snapping is a perfectly viable way to kill leaders of states or countries, if even just for fun (although for mayoral positions, the shuriken is recommended death weapon).”

“Yes, I’m quite familiar with the Right to Neck Snap Political Leaders as stated in the constitution. Mr. Williamson, can you try to say anything less vague?”

“Well... by less vague... I’m sure you mean more specific... which is an adjective... meaning more descriptive... the adverbial form being specifically, which both come from the root of the verb... ‘specify’... which of course shows–“ Mr. Williamson’s answer was cut short by sudden and unexpected facial lacerations caused by a katana and a cutlass. Mr. Williamson’s severed right leg was for a time used as a bludgeon by McScurvingston’s first pate, Pegleg Pete.

“Oh... the bloodspray approach at the debate will do little to win over the public. It didn’t work for Van Buren, and it certainly won’t work for Mr. Williamson. Alright. For the two candidates that remain alive, please, in a few sentences, describe your party’s principle beliefs. Mr. Scurvington?”

“The Pirate party’s motto usually says all that needs to be said. It goes something like this: ‘Argh! Ye-hargh gargh blurgh yarrrgh. Gyar-hargh argh starboard roargh.’ Loosely translated, it’s the first verse of ‘It’s Not Unusual’, by Tom Jones. Why it’s relevant? We’re not completely sure, but we like the song.”

“A brilliant song, and often the main factor in convincing my wife Martha to come to bed with me. Mr. Lee, same question.”

“The Shrederralist party believes that essentially, America at the moment is flawed. Ninjas are constantly given a bad name by many things. In fact, every time Naruto says ‘Believe It!’, a ninja is requisitioned to kill a kitten, just to uphold our ever-tarnished honor. The first trace of shredderalism dates back to the French Revolution, most specifically the Reign of Terror, where the guillotine was utilized, and severed heads were tossed about like childrens’ playthings. This is the life we dream of. The Reign of Terror, without the alleged ‘motives’ for doing so. Just for the sake of doing.”

“Very interesting. So, Mr. Lee, is it safe to say you’re not pro-life?”

“Well, this is also interesting. Pro-life as it pertains to abortion is a very up-in-the-air topic for the Shredderalists. We certainly condone the womens’ choice to give up a child in the midst of embryonic stages, but on the other hand, if they don’t give birth, who will the ninjas of the next generation have to kill? We’re not pro-abortion persay, as much as we’re pro-killing babies in general.”

“Alright, and we’ll finish this debate with the same question posed to Mr. Scurvington. Where do you stand on abortion?”

“Women and children, contrary to popular belief, commonly had passage on pirate vessels. They served a great purpose on the ships, especially in the midst of spectacular pirate battles. I recall one time in the Caribbean, a woman who had a big part in the storyline became giant and then turned into crabs and fell into the ocean. Everyone was so enraged that the scriptwriters totally threw out a major plotline, that they conjured a giant maelstrom. When we took the battle to the whirlpool, we ran out of cannonballs. So, we had to do some quick thinking. And then it came to us... the back-up ammunition! (Or as people commonly refer to them, ‘Women and children’). So ultimately, we are on the pro-life side of the debate. We need children for cannons. In a day and age where people rarely create comprehensible plots, they’re becoming increasingly necessary.”

“Well, I’d like to thank you both for your time this evening. I believe you’ve shed some great light on the platforms of your respective parties. Good luck to both of you at the general elections.”

It was then that the pirate and ninja brandished their weapons and clashed in an epic duel. As scientists concluded would happen, the world ultimately imploded. But in the end, I think that’s how our founding fathers would have wanted it, don’t you?