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The naughty Samurai and the Cow Brigade
"Are you ok?" Darkshin asked as RedLady rubbed a sore bump on her head.
"Yeah. It's nothing really. I used to head butt my brother all the time when he was a baby..." He sweatdropped when he heard this.
"It's not like I have anything against sheep or anything, but they were just annoying. To me, all farm animals are the same: they're good for eating." She said drooling.
There was an awkward silence until finally Darkshin said, "I suppose I've become your escort to the next town once again."
"Yay!" RedLady exclaimed.
He sighed. "You really should try and stay out of trouble by not insulting people."
"Oh. Don't worry about me. I've got amulets to ward off stuff."
"That doesn't change the fact that you were just caught in a cage a moment ago."
"Oh yeah. Well that was only cuz of special circumstances."
"If you say so..."
"So are we going to Agricola?"
"Yes. How did you know?"
"I asked a guy back in Ager if he had seen a dark samurai and he said you were heading there."
"You really need to stop following me..." He said lowly. "After we get to Agricola, you may no longer travel with me."
"Aw! But why not?"
"A Dark Samurai such as myself pursues a dangerous path. I cannot risk putting others in danger."
"But haven't I proved myself already? You saw how I beat that one head butting guy."
He sighed. "Miss RedLady, I've told you this before and yet you still follow me. Why is that?"
"I don't know. Cuz you're cool and..." She blushed but then suddenly got an idea. "Hey, I know! If I become a dark samurai, can I come then?"
"You can't... become a dark samurai or come with me."
"Awwwwww!" RedLady whined.
She picked up what looked like a red strand caught in a limb. "Hmm... a red head. Heh... maybe he has a thing for them." She laughed with glee. "Brother Darkshin, have you finally grown up?" She smiled standing up.
"Hey you, Miss! Wait for us!" Two merchants ran up to her.
"What? You guys. I thought I lost you a long time ago." She said in annoyance.
"You won't loose Merchant Mort if he's got a buddy buddy deal for you, you know?"
"You're annoying..."
"I lost my appetite." He sighed and passed the plate over to the red headed maiden who gobbled it down too.
"Well, well, well. Brother Darkshin? Treating someone to lunch?" A woman said from behind him. He turned.
"Anni?" He said. RedLady looked up to see a lavender haired girl wearing the same clothes as Darkshin. A short sword hung at her side. She had two ringlets on both sides of her face. Currently, she had a teasing expression as she looked directly at Darkshin.
"But I'm treating him." RedLady said sounding clueless.
"Oh ho!" The woman named Anni laughed. "You've got a generous girlfriend there, Darkshin." She said patting him on the back winking.
"Anni..." He said in a warning tone. "You seem to have a misunderstanding."
"Uh... who are you again?"
"Oh right. She wouldn't know me." The woman said. "Darkshin doesn't talk about me... or much of anything for that matter." Darkshin sighed. "But I'm Anni." She said shaking RedLady's hand. "I'm a samurai by trade. Though probably not as uptight as Brother Darkshin here?"
"You're related?"
"Nah. We just belong to the same sect. We're Dark Samurai you know."
"Anni, you haven't forgotten that we're supposed to hide information form outsiders, have you?" Darkshin warned.
"Oh, I know. I just decided to ignore that rule." Darkshin's head dropped.
"Wow..." RedLady looking on in awe. "You're a dark samurai too? I wanna be one!"
"Hah hah! You do?" Anni laughed.
"Hah hah! Yeah!" RedLady copied.
"Hah hah! You can't." Anni said.
"Aw, but why not? Yall are mean." RedLady pouted.
"Miss, those who are trained to be samurai are trained from a young age. Even I'm not finished with my training yet and I've been practicing since I was five."
"Hmph." RedLady answered while folding her arms. "I have amulets to ward off against training."
"Amulets?"
"Wanna see?" RedLady said pulling out various necklaces and charms. "I sell them for 50 denari each, guarenteed to ward off anything you want." Just as quickly as she pulled them out, they disapeared again.
"Ward off anything, huh?" Anni said slightly amazed. "What I wanna know is where they disapeared too."
"Oh, I have a magic bag. My dad put 5000 books in it once."
"She's an interesting girl." She said to Darkshin.
"She comes from an interesting family."
"You met her family?" Anni said amused.
"Ah hah! There you are!" Two familiar merchants stepped into the resturant.
"You again?! Annoying merchanters!" Anni mumbled.
"Oh, look it's that samurai and maiden again." Merchant Kernie said.
"Hey, you're alive?" RedLady said to Mortimer.
"Oh yeah, impressive thing happened. Marvelous surgery they have these days, you know?"
"Eh? Whatever."
"Have I got the deal for you..." Mortimer started.
"Wanna buy an amulet?" RedLady interupted.
"Uh..."
"All right. All right. Leave you two baboons." Anni said pushing them away. "Things were just getting interesting and then you two had to ruin it."
"But Miss, we're here to offer you great deals on weapons. Great buddy, buddy deals!"
"I've already got weapons."
"Ah, but ma'am. We only see one weapon in your possession." He said pointing to the short sword.
"If you saw any of my other weapons, that means you're about to die." She said darkly. They quickly made their way out of the room upon hearing this.
"Who knew this business was so dangerous!" Merchant Kernie moaned.
After they left, Anni burst out laughing. "Did you see their faces? Man, they were so scared."
"Anni, you shouldn't threaten people."
"They were annoying." RedLady mentioned.
"Oh brother Darkshin dear?" Anni said in her sweetest voice.
He hesitated. "What?" He finally said with a twinge of annoyance.
"This resturant seems short of waiters so could you please go to the counter and order my food?"
He hesitated again. "I'll have the same thing you had, so go ahead and order it." She said sitting back down. He stared at her in disbelief.
"Go ahead." She shooed. "Besides, I wanted to talk to Miss Red head alone." She said putting her arm around the girl.
"Eh?" RedLady said clueless.
Darkshin stood up obviously not pleased with the task that had been assigned to him. "I'll be right back." He said a dark shadow over his face.
"Thanks bro." She said laughing sweetly. "Good. Now that he's gone, I want to know something Miss Red head."
"My names RedLady." RedLady corrected.
"Hah hah!" She laughed good heartedly. "I would have never guessed that was your name." She joked. "Are you named after someone famous?" She pounded on the table.
"Um... no." RedLady said.
Anni smiled and then got serious. "What do you think of Darkshin? Do you like him?"
RedLady took a minute for this accusation to sink in. "WHAT!?" She nearly screamed. "Who would like a recluse like that?" She yelled blushing.
"Shh... keep your voice down." Anni giggled. "But you do realize you're blushing, right?" This only made RedLady blush more.
"He doesn't like me very much though." RedLady said downcast.
"Aw, why do you say that?"
"Never wants me to travel with him and runs away and stuff."
"Aah, I know. But that's just how Darkshin is. He takes the Dark Samurai code extremely seriously. And part of that code suggests that you should travel alone."
"But why?"
"I onno. Tradition?"
"But how come you seem different?" RedLady asked.
"Hah hah! Do I? Hah hah! Perhaps I'm just a naughty samurai?" She said giggling. "I mean, the rules are important but..." She quieted. "I don't think those who first came up with the rules wanted you to be unhappy. I think they wanted you to use your better judgement... whoever they were that wrote them." She laughed.
"I wanna be a Dark Samurai too." RedLady stated.
"You're still thinking about that? Well I'm sorry Miss Red. Not only do you need extensive training but your family has got to have connections."
RedLady whined. "You and Darkshin probably just think I'm not good enough..."
"Then you'll just have to prove yourself." Anni said.
"What?"
"You may not be able to become a Dark Samurai but you can still be some other type of warrior."
"Huh? Oh... I know... I'll prove myself!" RedLady said as if she had come up with the whole idea in the beginning.
Anni laughed and patted RedLady on the head. "That a girl."
"By protecting Darkshin like I did today with those sheep men."
"Sheep men?"
"I head butted them away." She said in her own little world. "They said I was as great as the cow people or something."
"Cow people?" Anni said amused. "You know... Darkshin's pretty terrified of cows. His fear stems from an incident in his youth when he fell into a cow pasture..."
"That's it! I'll prove myself to him by protecting him from his fears."
"Hah hah! You're an unsual lady, you know that?"
"Yeah!" She said her fists in the air. "Wait, what?"
Darkshin came back with the food then. "You'll see Darkshin!" RedLady stood up before him.
"Huh?" He was clueless.
"I'm not weak! Soon you'll be begging me to be your body guard." She said and then walked away.
"What did you tell her?" Darkshin asked darkly.
"Nothing really." Anni shrugged. "Oh food! Yay!" She said. "Let's eat!" She prayed and then took a bite. "Ah, yummy!"
Darkshin sighed and sat down. Anni swallowed her food before saying, "She's an interesting lady." She chuckled and took another bite. "Though I would have thought you want a more serious woman."
"I think you've got the wrong idea." Darkshin grumbled.
"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees?" Anni leaned closer.
"She just follows me or happens to show up in the same area I happen to be traveling in. Everytime I tell her that I can't travel with her, the more it seems like she wants to." Darkshin explained.
"Well you are a fairly interesting guy." Anni pointed out. "Besides, I don't see any harm in granting her wishes." Anni's eyes twinkled.
"A dark samurai..."
"Is supposed to travel alone. I know... I know. For training, discipline, and minimal distractions. But it's not like you're no longer a samurai if you DON'T do that. Darkshin, you're traveling the lands like any respectable person would do. So what's wrong with having a little fun while you're at it. You're too uptight."
Darkshin simply sighed and rested his chin in the palm of his hand, his elbow on the table.
"Don't tease me."
"Hah hah! Lighten up, Darkshin. She's not following you now, is she?"
"Well... no." He looked over his shoulder paranoid.
"Oh no!" A voice called from the distance. Two familiar merchants ran towards them.
"Oh great. Not those two again." Anni groaned.
"Madam Samurai! It's horrible!" Merchant Kernie yelled.
"Definitely not buddy buddy!" Merchant Mortimer murmered out of breath. "We were just trying to sell more buddy buddy deals to the RedLady, you know?"
"Surely, the two samurai can rescue her?" Merchant Kernie said.
"Ok, what are you two blokes talking about?" Anni said rubbing her temples.
"Is Miss RedLady in trouble?" Darkshin said.
"We told her not to go there!" Merchant Mortimer said. "We told her to buy our buddy buddy weapons instead!"
"But that just made her more determined to go!" Kernie finished.
"Go where?" Darkshin wondered.
"Can't you two even tell a story coherently?" Anni insulted.
"Surely the demon cows have killed her!" Merchant Mortimer said.
"Demon cows!?" Both Anni and Darkshin yelled.
"He's been like this ever since she went in that direction." Kernie whispered. "Apparently, he had a tramatic experience there before."
"Everyone knows bandits and theives and criminals live in that direction." Mort said.
"In this town there is talk of a very notorious band of bandits called the Cow Brigade..." Kernie began.
"I see... and RedLady went in the direction of where this cow brigade lives?" Anni concluded.
"Not only that. She went to challenge them!"
"Well duh! How else would she prove herself?" Anni said. Darkshin eyed her upon saying this.
"But they're like demons, you know! Terrible for business." Mort said.
"They are to this day the only people Merchant Mortimer cannot sell too." Merchant Kernie said as if that explained it all.
"Plus they have no need for weapons for they can take any and everyday object and make it a weapon like... a piece of yarn and knitting needles..."
"Don't tell me you have anything to do with Miss RedLady's actions, Anni. Do you?" Darkshin warned.
"I only told her to prove herself." Anni laughed uncomfortably under Darkshin's gaze. "It's not like I specifically told her to challenge a notorious group of criminals-not in so many words anyway..."
"You've got ot save her!" Merchant Kernie pleaded.
"Yes! I don't want to lose a possible customer!" Merchant Mortimer seconded.
Darkshin let out a breath of defeat. "Which way?" He said.
"Oh wow! You're really going! This is so much fun!" Anni whooped.
"Anni..." He said in a serious tone. "I am not happy with you right now." It was said in the same tone that stopped people in their tracks. But Anni didn't seem too worried. She looked at him with googily wide eyes and then groveled at his feet humorously.
"Aw, don't use your serious tone on me!" She whined as he walked passed her angrily. "I can't stand it when you're mad at me!" She said following him and slapping him on the back. "I'm just a naughty samurai." She said jokingly. "Now... let's go save this Red-chan of yours..." She said leading Darkshin by putting her arm around his shoulder. He frowned but followed. "You guys come on too." She said to the merchants.
"What? But why?"
"You guys are the guide."
"Us! But we'll be killed!" Merchant Kernie whined. Merchant Mortimer nodded seriously.
"Would you rather me kill you?" She said testily.
"Coming!" They both yelled running after Anni.
"Eh?" RedLady said. "I could have sworn they said this was the Cow Brigade hide out."
"Hmm!?" One woman stood up looking intimidating. She was a rather large woman wearing a helmet with horns.
"This is our hideout and who in barnyard hell are you?" The woman said with a rather large cowbell dangling from her neck.
"We've never had a challenger enter our lair before..." A smaller woman said with a frilly dress spotted like a cows.
"The last person to ever enter here willingly was a salesmen." Another woman said.
"But we chased him off good!" They reminisced.
"So you are the cow brigade?" RedLady clarified.
"Who wants to know?"
"Why would Darkshin be afraid of a bunch of old cows."
"OLD!?"
"You said we were cows as an insult, didn't you?" A cow Brigader demanded.
But RedLady was in her own little world. "Unless... Darkshin is scared of women in general. Oh no! I'm a women! What if he's scared of me! I know! I'll dress up as a man so he won't be afraid of me... but then again, that's kind of creepy. What do I do? This relationship will never work! Eh?" She looked around to see the cow brigade surrounding her looking rather perturbed.
"Yall look kind of mad. Is it Mad cow disease?"
"KIND OF MAD!?" One yelled. "You bardge into our hideout and then say we look kind of mad!? What kind of woman are you?"
"Definitely not a milky smooth one..."
"Right!" RedLady decided. "I have to finish what I started. If Darkshin doesn't like cows or women, either way I have to defeat you."
"Just try it sister..."
RedLady whipped out her bazooka, amazing the cow brigade.
"What's that?"
"It's huge!"
"But it's no cattle prod..." The woman with the horns on her head said throwing her knitting needles with the yarn at RedLady. The others followed her lead and RedLady was tangled in a web of yarn and knitting needles but she still fired her bazooka.
"Wait! Stop Red-chan!" Anni yelled from the door way just as she fired. The cow brigade women dispersed and the shot from the bazooka made it's way towards Anni. Anni's eyes went wide as she quickly did a flip to dodge the rather oversized bullet.
"Ahk! You almost killed me! RedLady! Why?" She said with tears streaming down her eyes in mock hurt.
"Uh... sorry." RedLady said.
"That's dangerous!" Anni exclaimed. "Just what is that thing?"
"Um... it's my bazooka." The cow brigade stood around clueless as Anni and RedLady talked.
"Miss RedLady?" Darkshin said from the side.
"Darkshin!" RedLady exclaimed. "I came to challenge the cow people so you wouldn't have to fear."
"What are you talking about?"
"Anni said you were scared of cows or something."
"She did, did she?" He said glaring at Anni. Anni laughed nervously.
"I might have mentioned that..."
"We told her not to come here!" Kernie said behind Darkshin. Merchant Mort nodded shaking looking rather pale.
"YOU!" One of the cow ladies said upon seeing Merchant Mortimer. "What are you doing here!" She yelled angrily.
"Oh my, did you piss off the leader of the cows?" Anni said sarcastically.
"How many times do we have to tell you we will not buy from you!" They again threw their knitting and tangled him up.
"See?" He told Merchant Kernie. "I told you they could use knitting needles as a weapon."
"What do we do?" Kernie said as he too was tangled up.
"This is not buddy, buddy!" Was Mort's only answer.
"Well we'll be going now." Anni said leading RedLady towards the door.
"Wait! She's not going free!" They pointed at RedLady. "She came in here demanding a fight and then tried to shoot that thing at us!"
"Yes, well, that was all a mistake you see..."
"So you're not afraid of cows?" RedLady was asking Darkshin. Darkshin let out a breath of defeat.
"RedLady, you don't have to protect me from anything. I can fight my own battles and battle my own fears."
"But I thought this would prove that I was worthy of traveling with you?"
"You don't have to prove anything. I already know that you're an... unusual lady."
"And more however, a lady who is about to learn a lesson..." One of the cow brigaders said.
"Oh cow bridage! We're home!" A group of men said from the doorway. They all looked over to see the Wooly Bandits. And the wooly bandits looked over to see RedLady.
"What? What's that girl doing here? And that samurai!"
"Hey there's the duck men who flirted with me..."
"DUCK MEN!?" The Wooly bandits uttered.
"Flirted!?" The cow brigade's eyes turned red.
"They put me in a cage and went through my stuff..." RedLady mentioned.
"Did they now..." The woman with horns said testily.
"Hey, just who are these people to you?" Anni asked the cow brigade about the wooley bandits.
"They're our husbands!"
"Husbands!" Anni, Darkshin, and RedLady gasped.
"You flirted with me and you're married!?" RedLady yelled. "You should be ashamed of yourselves!" Each cow lady threw knitting needles with yarn around each sheep man and started dragging them away.
"Oh, they will be ashamed after we're through..."
"After we knitted and toiled for you!" One of the women in cow skin said.
"No... we didn't mean it..."
"We were only trying to steal from her like any respectable bandit would do."
"Well I guess that's that." Anni said.
"Hmm..." Darkshin thought.
"So we can just leave?" RedLady wondered.
"Sure, you can go. We had no idea our husbands had wronged you."
"Well ok. Bye cow peoples." RedLady yelled. They waved back and continued dragging their husbands away.
"RedLady?" Darkshin started.
"Yes, Darkshin?"
"No more challenging bandits, ok?"
"Don't worry, Darkshin. I won't give up. Even if you don't like cows or women!"
"Uh... what?" He said as RedLady ran up the path before him.
"Hee hee hee. That girl sure is something, eh, Brother Darkshin?"
"Hmm... between the two of you, I don't know who is worst."
"Ah! That's mean Darkshin!"
"When I signed up to be a weapon salesmen, I never imagined this would happen!" Merchant Kernie said. Merchant Mortimer stopped when they came before a group of rather large geese only to find out they were really men in goose feathers.
"Oooooooooooooh! I'm getting goosebumps just looking at the gooses we just caught ourselves here!" One said licking a knife.
"They came from the Cow Brigade's territory... but surely we can still search them for something valuable." Another said with a feather in his mouth.
"If not, we can always chop them up and eat them for dinner..." Another said with what looked like war paint on his face.
"NOOOOOOOOO!" The two merchant's cried.
"Why are all the bandit's in this area dressed up like farm animals!!" Merchant Kernie shivered.
"You thought the red meat was bad... wait till you try the poultry..." One said licking his lips and stalking towards the merchants...
Next chapter: Secret Samurai Stuff and the Obscura Family