My first attempt at a Yaoi/Shonen-ai thingy.

His brother, my rival

Before my first year of high school, I confessed to my brother. But I was turned down.

“What are you still doing up? Tomorrow’s your first day. You don’t want to be tired!” I said coming into my brother’s room. Shunya frowned in front of his video game and shut it down. He shrugged.

“It’s not really that big of a deal. I’ll be going to your same school so…” He smiled almost mockingly. “Take care of me Onii-san.”

“You better be serious about your studies.” I began looming over him in lecture mode. I was annoyed at his indifferent attitude. But like a big brother, I had to look out for him.

“I will… I will…” He said waving his hand as if it were nothing.

“And I hope you make some friends.” I continued. Shunya shrugged. “So indifferent as always.” I grumbled annoyed.

Shunya sat against his bed and put his head back. “Well you’ll be there so it’s not like I have to worry.”

In a way, my brother was spoiled. I had always taken care of him even though he really didn’t need it. He never showed fear or acted needy. Despite not really needing me, I still took care of him. By now he was used to my lectures and meddling.

He’s cold and never shows emotion. But in letting me take care of him and act like his big brother, that is how he shows he cares. And I love him for it.

I love my little brother. I love him… like that. I know it’s wrong. I know love between us is forbidden. I know it’s taboo. But even so, I’m in love with him and I want to be more than just a big brother.

“Want me to sleep in your room tonight?” I said. It was a habit I had developed years ago. Pretending to comfort him and show brotherly concern, I would sometimes sleep in his bed at night.

“Why?” He said. “I don’t need your babying.” He shrugged. He thought I was being overprotective but the real reason was that I wanted to sleep next to him. It wasn’t because I was babying him, but because I wanted to be close to him.

“I’m sleeping here tonight.” I said anyway. As the older brother, I could make the final decision.

“Go sleep in your own bed.” He said getting under the covers.

“It’s a big day tomorrow. It’s your first day of school.” I argued crawling into the small bed next to him. “I’ll sleep here to ease your nervousness…”

“I already told you, it’s not that big of a deal!” He yelled. “Go away.” He said pushing me away. In order not to fall, I pulled myself on top of him. He looked at me annoyed. “I’ll never get to sleep with your heavy ass on top of me.” He said sarcastically. “Now go to your own room already, Daisuke.”

“No.” I said stubbornly. He was so soft underneath me. It took all my will power not to get too aroused. I tried to get all visions of me kissing his body out of my head. I had to tell him how I felt soon. All this was too much.

“Come on Daisuke. Leave me alone already.” He whined. “What kind of person would want to sleep in the same bed with another guy anyway?” He turned away trying to move to the edge of the bed. I grabbed him before he could get away. I did it without thinking. I had to tell him how I felt. Now. Right now. But how?

“It’s not like we’re lovers or anything.” He said nonchalantly. I let go of him in surprise. Why did he have to say that? He moved to the side of the bed unaware of the impact his words had on me. I got up and sat on the edge of the bed turned away from him.

“Daisuke? What’s wrong?” He said realizing the change in mood. “Don’t tell me I offended you.” He said almost sarcastically.

“Why can’t we be lovers?” I said softly.

“What?” He didn’t expect that. He thought I was teasing him. “You’re kidding, right?” He said patting me on the back playfully.

This is it. I had to tell him.

“Shun…” I started. He was startled by my serious voice and sat down behind me.

“What is it? Don’t tell me that you’re serious…” He said letting the sentence hang. I was silent. He scoffed. “No way. You can’t be. You’re in…” He stopped.

In love with Shun. It was true. I was in love with my little brother. It’s not right. I’m such a fool.

I turned and cupped my hand around his cheek. His eyes darted to my hand and then to my face. He didn’t look shocked. He simply watched me to see what I would do. He was indifferent. He was always like that. He never revealed his thoughts and always watched others to see what they would do.

“Shun, I love you.” I said looking into his eyes. I scooted closer to my brother. He didn’t back away. He just watched me with no expression, even at the revelation of my feelings. “Instead of my little brother, I want you to be my lover.” I said gulping. Still, he simply stared at me with no response. I leaned in towards him.

“Daisuke.” He started. He sounded slightly annoyed but still I closed the gap between our faces.

I kissed him. It was a light kiss. He didn’t resist me, but he didn’t kiss back either. I pulled away and brought my hand away from his face.

“Are you done now?” He said. He looked perturbed. Oh God. What have I done? Would he hate me now?

I knew it was unnatural. He was a man and he was my brother. He got out of bed and stood before me.

“Daisuke-nii.” He started. “I can’t see myself doing those types of things with you.” He said. “I’m sorry but I wish to remain just your brother and not your lover.” I looked at him with pained eyes but he didn’t look sorry. “Tonight you can sleep in my bed.” He said.

A glimmer of hope?

“But I won’t be joining you.” He finished. His tone was cold. He was a cold person. He walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. I gripped the side of the bed with one hand and wiped my eyes with the other. I was surprised to find tears coming out.