Summary: Being an insomniac is really tough. From having no energy, no appetitive, and no attention span, it really gets to you. Then suddenly I am given the gift of sleep, the gift of alertness and precious energy, then most of all, the gift of feeling like a real person. Now I will do just about anything to keep that feeling……mxm / slash / MM

A/N: Yo! This just sorta came up on me and it is entirely written on a whim. Please don’t take it too seriously, as I don’t take it too seriously. It is just for fun and if people like it, great! And if people don’t…well, whatever. This is another one of my stories that I intended to be a one shot but keeps growing in length…hopefully it won’t be more than three parts long (about 25 pages total) I have also never written a slash story, this is the first! If people want to give me good pointers for writing this kind of story, maybe I could be persuaded into writing another one )

Enjoy!

UnDreaming

Part I: Sleeping Awake

I feel my head sliding down my hand.

“Now Cicero was giving his speech to the senate to decide…”

I can barely see the blurred teacher in front of me.

“When Cataline walked in, it was an insult to…”

My hand is by my ear and I definitely can feel my wrist.

“So of course Cicero starts by pointing out the obvious…”

BANG

My eyes jerk open as I feel my jaw hit the rough surface of my desk with a resounding thump. I sit up quickly, my mouth aching, as everyone in my class turns to stare at me. My teacher, Mrs. Clementine, frowns at me. She clicks her tongue in an annoying manner, “Mr. Wilson, will you please see me after class?” She then turns towards her books again and continues to lecture.

I turn to my best friend, Sam. He gives me a small grin and mouths, “Nice going,” I frown and put my head on my desk. This is just great.

I stand awkwardly as everyone leaves the room.

Sam gives me a shrug and rushes off. Some friend he is. I turn to me teacher. Mrs. Clementine is a nice woman and usually very reasonable. She says this as I think it, “Now, Kale. You know I am a fair teacher and so when I see you glassy eyed and falling in your seat; I just naturally assume that you are still absorbing what I am saying,” She gives me one of those teachery I-Know-You-Are-Better-Than-This looks. I get them all the time, “But you can’t keep disturbing the class. If you must sleep, then just don’t show up,”

The nice thing about college is that the teachers don’t care what you do, as long as you don’t hinder anyone else. I have fallen asleep in other classes, but Mrs. Clementine is one of my nicer teachers and likes to keep an eye on her students. Not to mention that my upper Latin has a grand total of seven students attending. It gets rather obvious.

She gives me a small glance, “Are you not sleeping well?” That’s and understatement. I haven’t been sleeping well for a very long time. Mrs. Clementine pauses, bracing herself, “You know Kale, if there is anything bothering you, just feel free to talk to me or any of the school counselors. We know you are a good student, you just seem so…tired all the time,”

This speech would feel a whole lot better if I hadn’t heard it twice already this morning, once in my Geometrics class and another in my Literary Analysis. I nod to her anyway, “It is really okay, just a little trouble with sleeping. I’ll be fine,” She doesn’t seem to buy it. I know I wouldn’t. But I rush off before she can answer anyway.

I sigh as I stop running in the hallway. I quickly steer into the bathroom and turn on the cold water. Nothing really stops me from slipping during class, but it is refreshing. I push my limp brown hair from my eyes and realize for the umpteenth time that I should cut it. But my mom is a huge penny pincher and she will only let me get it cut if she does it herself. And she is the kind of person you have to remind not to run with scissors.

I’d rather have waist long hair than let her touch my head.

Staring into the mirror, I almost think that I am a dead person. The way my large eyes are gazing from dark lids and how my mouth sags and cheeks droop. It is not a very nice looking appearance, but there is little I can do about it. Without sleep that is. I turn as I hear the swish of the door opening to the bathroom. Sam looks at me for a second and then bursts out laughing. I am not impressed and lean against the sink. He as he stops clutching his stomach.

“Jesus, Kale! Do you even realize how hilarious that was?!” He starts laughing again, “It was so freakin’ loud too!” I roll my eyes. Sam can be really quite annoying, but he is still my closest friend. He is the only one I really felt comfortable talking with about my sleeping problems.

It is not like I have reoccurring nightmares or anything. In fact, I can’t even remember the last time I have had a dream. I can go to sleep as easily as the next person, but it is staying asleep that is the problem. I wake up after about two hours and I can’t get back to sleep for the life of me. Now I have known some people who have pulled all nighters for a couple weeks.

But try three years.

It gets bad, really bad. I seem to be always in a constant state of lucidness. I can’t concentrate on anything, I am not good at any kind of sport because I always feel weak, and I have practically no appetite. Of course, my grades suffer.

I do have some prescribed meds that put me to sleep, but I can’t take those on school nights because I would need at least eight to ten hours of sleep. This is not going to happen when school starts so early. And besides, those sleeping pills don’t help much. I still wake up tired and the same as any other day; they mostly just pass the time, which I would normally be awake.

Sam stops laughing and theatrically wipes his eyes, “Anyway, are you coming this weekend?”

I blink.

He looks exasperated, “Come on! We talked yesterday! I am throwing another party this weekend and you are coming,” Sam is a rather social guy, but considering his lack of girlfriends, he is not very successful. But in any case he likes to throw these parties in which he invites a million people, and usually five show up, stay up late playing video games, drinking, and eating the most disgusting food to ever hit this planet; White Castle Sliders.

All in all, Sam is really a dork looking for fun. But at least he has friends, though I would probably consider myself half a friend since I can’t even remember things from yesterday. I sigh and slump my shoulders.

“You know I don’t like your parties,” It is more that I am uncomfortable in them. I don’t mind staying up late and chatting and playing with everyone, but it’s when everyone is passed out at three in the morning and I am the only one up, it gets a little awkward and boring. I’d rather be at my dorm room watching cable, where no one asks me in the morning why I wasn’t sleeping.

It is embarrassing really, to be an insomniac. People will either think I am weird and try to say stupid things like, ‘Try counting sheep!’ That really bugs me. Or they use my slow reactions and dull mind to make me look ridiculous. Sam is my only friend that I trust with my secret.

Sam is giving me his patented look. His face reads that I-Am-Your-Best-Friend-And-You-Also-Haven’t-Come-Over-To-My-Apartment-In-Over-A-Month-Plus-You-Owe-Me-For-Saving-Your-Butt-In-Literary-Anaylisis-This-Morning. It is truly amazing the things he can convey. And yesterday he managed to stop me from hitting my head on the desk. Though hitting me with his book should hardly be called ‘saving my butt’.

Sighing, I nod my head.

Sam gives a small cheer and grabs me by the shoulder and steers me from the bathroom, “Great! You know I just got that new Halo game…” As he rambles, I zone out. But he is used to that by now.

I stare pointedly at the cup in my hands.

I can’t do it for very long, concentration is hard for me. The fizzy, amber liquid swirls around drearily and I can see I am starting to lose interest. Now Sam, being older, can drink legally, and so feels the need to press the ‘god-like nectar’ unto all of his friends, whether they are old enough or not.

Now I don’t like drinking, it tastes pretty bad and if I have too much I’ll wake up in the morning, tired as ever, along with a killer headache. I swallow and put the cup safely at a table.

The usual four turned up again this night. Three of the guys, David, Jack, and William, I don’t know very well. Sam loves going to the school’s football games and since I can hardly cheer for more than a minute, he invites them. I have never really hung out with them that often. Then there is Jimmy, Sam’s roommate, he is pretty nice, besides for the fact that he has his face glued to the computer screen most of the time, he is a cool guy.

But as I look to Sam’s right I see a new figure among the bunch. When I opened the door to him I had to resist the urge to jump back a step. The guy is huge! I am not very tall, taller than most girls, thank god, but if that guy fell on me I would be crushed or die of suffocation. He has scraggily dark hair and a strong five ‘o clock shadow.

I look at Sam next to me, asking the silent question. Sam smiles, “That’s Xander. I met him in my Calc class. We have been hanging out the past few weeks. He’s a nice guy, Kale, don’t worry,” I frown, annoyed that Sam saw my fear in the large figure.

Xander doesn’t speak much during the party. He completely crushed me in three different video games, but that isn’t unusual. My slow reflexes always do me in. By two a.m. I can see that Sam is getting a little tipsy. He always gets especially grabby when he’s drunk and tonight I seem to be his favorite subject.

“Get off me!” I try to push him aside, but he is much stronger. He has me around the neck and is giggling manically. He is rather crazier tonight than usual. I gasp as he is released from me and I turn to see Xander holding Sam from me. The large guy then puts Sam on the couch where he immediately falls asleep.

I give Xander a grateful smile, he shrugs in reply.

“Well, I guess everyone should follow suit, anyone going back to their apartment or doom?” Jimmy is looking over the couch at the rest of us. David is already passed out on the floor, drooling excessively. William looks to be in a trance state and is staring at the TV without seeming to look at it.

Jack looks fine, he is another non-drinker, “I guess I’ll go, but I’ll be back in the morning to pick up David. By then he will probably have forgotten where we live,” He gets up and starts picking up his things.

I personally will stay, mostly because I live fifteen minutes away by walking and I don’t want to go out in the dark alone. Jimmy knows this and he doesn’t question me, “You, Xander?”

Xander shrugs, “My dorm is probably closed by now, so I’ll stay I guess,”

“Ah, you must live in Hawthron. Yeah, those rules are annoying there,” Jimmy winces, he used to live there, “I don’t know why they don’t change them,”

As William leaves Jimmy gets out some spare blankets. David rolls over, but doesn’t move much. Jack’s eyes close and he seems to be asleep in his chair. I put down my sparse bedding and Sam gives off a loud snore. I shift farther from the couch, I don’t want him to wake up and strangle me in the night; for the few hours that I am asleep that is. There isn’t much room on the floor and I fear that Xander and I won’t fit. I shrug it off again, I know that I will only sleep for a little bit and then I can go find something to do.

We both get down and there seems to be room, not enough to roll around, but good enough. Jimmy goes to his room and shuts off the lights. I close my eyes and ignore Sam’s snoring; trying to grab the few hours of sleep that I can.

I feel very comfortable.

I rather like the feeling. My groggy mind feels dulled, that’s not unusual. But it is not very often that I feel so at ease. Most of the time I wake up feeling tired and twitchy, and so I get up and watch the rest of the night go by. But now…now… I just feel so comfortable.

So…right.

My eyes shoot open. No this is not right. Something is different. I try to gather my bearings. I remember Sam’s party and then falling asleep. And now I am awake, but something is different. I am on my side and I try to look around but something is blocking my view and my arms seem to be pinned in front of me.

I almost panic, but then I recognize the figure in front of me; it’s Xander. I see the back of his messy hair. I wonder briefly why is there, but then I remember that he stayed too. I then wonder why he is so close. My mind then goes into a panic as I realize that I am completely pressed against his back, my nose bumping into the base of his neck.

I immediately get up and move away. I look and see that I am entirely off my own blankets and onto his. I feel so embarrassed and my face flares as I see how so close we were. I look around to see if anyone else noticed.

I am forever grateful that Xander seems to still be asleep. I glance around and see that Jack is still slumped in his chair and David looks to be sleeping on his face. I look at the couch behind me. Sam is staring at me. I almost yelp in surprise.

Sam looks tired but his looks plainly says, What-The-HELL-Was-That?-And-Do-You-Even-Realize-What-Time-It-Is? I blink as the thought occurs to me. I ignore Sam for the moment and quickly turn to the clock on the TV. It reads 10:37 a.m. I blink.

I can’t believe it.

I have an out of body moment as I do the simple math in my head. I went bed around 2 a.m. and I slept until 10:37 a.m. I slept for over eight hours. Almost nine whole hours. That is more sleep that I have gotten in one night than in…well, it feels like forever. I am suddenly aware of everything around me. I can hear the breath of every person in the room, the sound of the heater buzzing, the refrigerator humming, Jimmy rolling over in his bed. I see that Jack has a red and blue sweatshirt on and that David’s face is absolutely shinning in his own spit. Then there is Sam now looking at me like I have gone crazy. Maybe I have, but it doesn’t matter.

I am awake.

I quickly get up and run to Sam’s door. He gets up slowly as I open the door to outside. The air is cold in the October weather and the wind is freezing, but it feels wonderful. The entire outdoors is filled with amazing details and sounds, all of which I have never noticed before. I feel like shouting as loud as I can or laughing uncontrollably. But I don’t do either, I just stand there and try to absorb it all in.

I hear Sam close the door behind me, “Kale? Kale? What’s-?”

I interrupt him, “I don’t know! I don’t know! But look at me Sam!” He looks at me warily. I am speaking louder than I have ever spoken, “I-I can see things and hear things! Sam, is this what it’s really like?” Now Sam is looker even more scared, I lower my voice, “Is this what it is like to be awake?”

I can hardly get away from the fact that I slept for almost nine hours without the help of medicine or alcohol. And it was natural sleep. I vaguely remember my old psychologist telling me that the reason I am so tired is because I don’t get the REM part of the sleeping cycle. REM is needed if I want to feel alert and awake. Medicine or alcohol doesn’t give me that, nor do I on my own. But somehow I gained it last night when I had a decent amount of sleep.

Sam put’s his hand on my shoulder, “You feel awake?”

I smile, rather giddily, “Yes! I don’t know why, but I feel like a completely different person,” I suddenly had the urge to run ten miles or eat a seven course dinner. I have never had these feelings before.

My friend is looking confused, “But how? Did you take some meds?”

I rolled my eyes, still grinning, “No! I said I don’t know. I have been to your parties before and I have never slept through them like this. What was different?” I try to compare this party to the others.

Sam answers for me, “Well, unless you have a habit of practically snuggling with other guys…,” He trails off, looking at me pointedly.

My eyes widen. I had completely forgotten about how I woke up this morning. My face suddenly turns red again, “Oh…that,” Sam is still giving me a disgusted look, “Hey, I don’t what happened, I must have rolled over in the night or something…,” I suddenly think how that has never happened before.

Sam pokes my shoulder, “Kale?”

I suddenly have an epiphany, “It was Xander!” Sam jumps back a step as I shout, “He must have done something or there is something about him!” I turn wildly to Sam and grip him by the shoulders, “He made me sleep somehow!”

My friend carefully peels my hands off of him, “Kale, just calm down, will you? What on earth are you talking about? How could Xander make you sleep? He’s just a normal guy,”

“It doesn’t matter whether he is normal or abnormal! He made me sleep!” I turn towards the door, “I have to ask him about this,”

Sam quickly pulls me back, “What are you talking about!? You can’t say all this weird stuff to him!” I stare back at him venomously and he shrinks, “I mean, he’ll probably think you’re crazy or something. And I know Xander, he doesn’t…knowingly…make people sleep. It was probably some fluke anyway,”

I stop then, taking in Sam’s words. Maybe Xander didn’t do anything, at least not intentionally. I had to slow down and take this all into consideration. My mind hasn’t been at such a heightened state of awareness for a long time. I am not used to having so many thoughts at once. I breathe in deeply.

“Well, maybe I’ll just see how this day goes. And then I can draw some conclusions,” I look at Sam and try to give him a reassuring smile, “Maybe it just so happens that last night I randomly broke my insomnia. Maybe I am cured?” I grin and open the door.

Sam follows, sighing in relief. I ignore him. I am starving anyways; I have never had such an appetite before.

This Sunday, to put it plainly, was the best day of my life.

After I ate a large breakfast, courtesy of Sam, whom was not pleased that I ate most of the food in his house, I went back to my dorm, changed, and then went for a nice long run. I had so much energy that I didn’t want to stop. And though I had energy I don’t have the muscle. I ran three miles in hour, mostly because my legs started killing me about halfway through.

This was the first time in my life that I wished I had class on Sunday. My brain was buzzing with ideas and questions. I compensated by finishing all my homework and all my late work.

Later Sam called me, mostly because he was worried that I would do something crazy, and he invited me to go to a football game with him and William. I, of course, readily agree and both were surprised by my enthusiasm at the game. I cheered more than both of them combined.

And then I got home, took a long nice shower, ate a snack, and started getting ready for bed. Now as I stand here in front of my bed a sudden panic attack overwhelms me. What if I can’t fall sleep? What if I will wake up? What if my insomnia isn’t cured? I remember thinking earlier this morning that Xander had caused this. Now, after a deliriously wonderful day, it’s hard to believe something so far fetched as that.

I quickly jump into my bed and turn off the lights, praying to any God that is out there that I sleep the night.

“Kale?”

There is a small knock on my door. I don’t answer, I can’t. I look blearily at the clock. It is 8:36, in about thirty minutes I need to head to my first class. I feel my stomach flip flop. The person knocks on the door again.

“Kale? It’s Sam? Are you awake?”

We both have this class, Sociology, together and since my dorm is closer to it, Sam has always come over and walked with me to it. I don’t feel like going today. I don’t feel like doing anything today.

The door bangs louder and I know that he will knock it down eventually, “Kale! Open the damn door!”

I slowly get up and shuffle to the door. I open it to see a rather infuriated Sam standing there, “Kale! Wha-,” He stops as he gets a good look at me.

I look terrible.

My eyes are completely bloodshot and the bags are darker than ever. My skin, though usually pale, looks even more pasty than usual. I feel like throwing up and I feel weak. All my muscles ache and my mouth is completely dry.

I slept for a grand total of one hour last night.

“Kale? Do you need anything?” Sam doesn’t even bother asking how long I slept. I shake my head, I don’t feel like talking. I walk back to my bed and sit down. Sam comes into the room, “What happened? You looked so good yesterday,” He sits down next to me.

“I…dunno,” I look away. I feel like I am going to cry, which I know I will regret later. I have been living with insomnia for three years, but give me one day of alertness and now I feel like I was punched in the gut. I never truly realized how fun life could be and now I am back to the same old, sleep-deprived me.

Sam sighs, “Well, there’s nothing we can do about it. It was probably just a fluke anyway,” He pauses, giving me a sad look, “You know I was really hoping you were better,”

“Me too!” I suddenly shout. I immediately regret it, as now I feel sick to my stomach, “I was hoping so…badly,” I whisper. I press my face into my hands, trying to hold back the stupid tears, “I’d rather yesterday never happened, and then maybe I wouldn’t feel so shitty,” And then my hands became useless as I began crying like a little kid.

Now I am not a good crier. I cry loudly with a lot of sniffling and hiccupping. I at least, refrain myself from trying to speak. Sam has never seen me cry before. He leans back slightly and coughs awkwardly.

“Kale…Kale?” He says hesitantly, trying to get me to stop. It is no use and I wish he would just leave me alone. I feel so embarrassed for being such a baby. He comes a little closer, “Hey Kale. I’ll tell the teacher that you’re really sick. He is a nice guy; he’ll be cool with it. And you can just…hang out here, okay?” He stands up uncomfortably and begins to move towards the door, “You just…call me or something,” And he quickly leaves.

I push my face into my pillows, glad that he left. But I really wish I had some sort of girlfriend. A girl would probably know what to say to make me stop. She would laugh and say I was being just like a girl myself and then she would offer me helpful solutions to my problems.

I suddenly jerk upward, knocking my head into the wall behind me. My eyes would probably water if I wasn’t already crying. I remember now about Xander and how he made me sleep. My mind was suddenly on a one track focus; need to find Xander. I have no doubt in my mind that if I found him he could cure me again.

I quickly grab some random clothing and run out the door. It is only when I leave my dorm do I realize three things; I have no idea where Xander is, Sam is in class so I can’t ask him, and I left my wallet and room key upstairs. I am locked out of my dorm and all out of ideas.

I feel like crying again.

I want to punch myself for being so babyish. I walk to a nearby bench and sit down. I don’t have a clue as to what to do. My mind is exhausted of any coherent thought and I just want to sleep, but I know I can’t.

I try to think of any hints from Sam about Xander. He said he was in a few of his classes, but what classes? I try to think back to the party to remember if there was anything there, but all I can think about was how wonderful Sunday had been.

I groan and put my head between my knees. This isn’t helping. I get up and start walking furiously in a random direction. The campus is not very crowded around 8:40 in the morning. But the silence isn’t helping me. I close my eyes and try to concentrate.

WHACK

I fall to the ground, rather confused. I open my eyes and see that I had run into a low hanging branch from a tree. Now I am pissed, my head hurts, my butt hurts, and I am still confused. A few tears leak out of my eyes and I really wish I had just stayed inside my dorm room. I clench my fists and pray that I don’t start bawling right in the middle of the lawn.

“Are you okay?”

At first I think I imagine the voice and I try to ignore it. Instead I still concentrate on not crying. Suddenly a sharp wind blows over me and I shiver violently. My stomach churns and I let out a small whimper. I nearly scream when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Finally I look up, hoping my eyes aren’t too watery. After my vision clears a bit and nearly scream in joy of the familiar sight, “Xander!” I yell and try to get up, but my legs wobble and I sink back to the ground.

Xander looks worried, “Hey, what are you doing out here? And how did you get that massive cut on your head?” He leans closer, getting a better look at me.

My temporary euphoria vanishes as I feel my forehead. I bring back my fingers, covered in my blood. The stupid branch must have cut me! I it has hardly been light out for more than two hours and I have already deemed this the worst day ever.

“That seems pretty deep; maybe you should go to the campus nurse,” Xander offers helpfully.

I nod absently, my head is really starting to kill me now, “Yeah, I think I’ll do that,” I try to stand again, but a bout of dizziness pushes me back down, “Ow,” I mutter as my fingers touch the cold grass again.

I suddenly feel Xander’s warm arms around me, “Here let me help,” I don’t get to respond before I am suddenly carried off the ground. I give a small yelp; I forgot how large Xander really was.

I struggle a little bit, “I-It’s really okay, I-I can walk on my o-own,” For some reason I was having a little trouble talking. Probably because I was practically crushed into his chest, not that is was really uncomfortable, just…weird.

Xander looks at me cautiously, “Are you sure? You look really flushed,”

I really wish he hadn’t seen my stupid blush. I push back on him, “It’s really alright, j-just put me down,” I feel so embarrassed.

I feel him shrug and he sets me down on my feet. I lean heavily against his arm as I try to stand. My legs gradually gain balance, but there is an annoying warmth that seemed to have taken residence in my chest. I begin to walk forward, still leaning on his arm. Xander gets the idea and follows, keeping me balanced.

After a couple seconds of silence, he coughs awkwardly, “So…I thought Sam said you were staying in sick today? I saw him before he left for class,”

I don’t look at him, “I was, but I had to…,” I didn’t want to tell him that in a suddenly act of desperation and stupidity that I went outside, with no way to get back in, get hit by a tree, and nearly started crying again, just to find him, “You know, I think I was so delirious that I went crazy,”

Xander looks at me, a little afraid.

I give a small, rather unhappy, smile, “I’m okay now. Just help me get to the nurses, okay?”

He nods and tries to smile back, but I can tell he probably think that I am crazy. Well, he is probably going to definitely think I am insane when I tell him that if I go to bed with him I can sleep. I sigh forlornly. I’d be almost willing to do anything to be able to sleep again.

I try to think up ways to ask him about it. I remember Sam saying that Xander probably didn’t do anything. I began to think it really was me that changed, but, somehow, I needed Xander there. I shake my head. It is all too crazy.

We both enter the nurse’s station and the woman’s eyes widen considerably. My head has been bleeding this entire time and this morning I didn’t look much better. I probably resembled some sort of walking corpse. The nurse quickly escorts me to the single bed in the building. The place is pretty small, mostly used for small checkups and small injuries. Anything worse is sent to the nearest hospital.

She sets me down and immediately starts questioning me as she fixes up my head. I don’t feel like talking anymore so she starts looking to Xander for help. He stiffens and stumbles, “W-well, he is sick, his roommate told me. And I guess he…wanted to go to class. And then he ran into a tree?” I grimace as he ends it like a question.

The nurse looks between us, suspicious, “I see. Well, your cut isn’t deep enough to need stitches. Head injuries always bleed a lot, but you don’t look well enough to walk back to your dorm,” I didn’t try telling her that I was locked out anyway, “So you can rest here until you’re ready to leave. Just tell us before you go,” She peers at me skeptically again, but she leaves.

I lean back into the pillows, my head still throbbed. Xander stood in the center of the room nervously. I felt the need to speak, “Uh, thanks…for helping me here,” I pause, “I probably made you late to your next class, sorry,”

He gives a small smile, “Hey, it was no problem. I don’t have a class until the afternoon anyway,” He starts to look around the room anxiously and I abruptly fear he might leave.

“Yeah, and uh…,” I wince as my head gives a painful throb. Xander quickly looks at me, “Could you…come closer or something?” It seemed to hurt to try to focus on him from a distance.

He shuffles forward and pulls up a chair beside the bed, “Is there something else you need?”

“No, I mean…yes?” I want to hit myself or something, “It is just that…Xander, I am an insomniac,” I brace myself for what he might say.

“Uh, is that why you always look tired?”

I nearly laugh, “Yeah, I can go to sleep, I just can’t stay asleep. I have been like this for nearly three years, only getting about two hours of sleep a night,” I give a halfhearted laugh, “It really gets to you after awhile. But on Saturday night, at Sam’s party, I managed to sleep nine hours,” My eyes glaze over slightly, “I have never felt more alive in my life,”

Xander is looking at me curiously, “Why are you telling me this?”

“Uhh,” Here came the hard part, “Well, when I woke up in the morning I was sort of…pressed against you,” I want to die, this sounds so bad. Xander’s eyes widen drastically, “It really wasn’t as bad as that sounds or anything. But I…think…that because I had…slept with you,” Now Xander was turn a rather interesting shade of red and I knew I was putting nails in my coffin, “that I had been able to sleep the night…so I was kind of wondering if…,” I shut my eyes, “IfIcouldsleepwithyoulikeeverynightjustsoIacansleepbecauseIreallyneeditbadly,” I let out a short breath and open one eye.

Xander looks too shocked for words and I pray he doesn’t ask me to repeat that. He blinks a couple of times and slowly finds his voice, “Uh, Kale, is it?” I swallow thickly, he hardly remembers my name, “I think you probably hit your head harder than you think. I am just going pretend I didn’t here any of that, because…I think it’s for the best,” He then gets up slowly and begins to leave the room, “I’ll just tell Sam that you’re here, once he’s out of class,” And then he leaves rather quickly.

I want to shoot myself.