the numbers jumble on the pages in front of me
sprawled out before my eyes like the jumble of things to come
things I should understand…and just can’t
the voices and faces screaming and mouthing stupidfuckingwhore why didn’t you learn
and the only words that can escape my mouth are excuses for my own mistakes.
Staring defeat in the face,
my fakelying blue eyes burn red and the little water marks burn creases onto my cheeks
this number goes there, subtract the X
as my brain shudders all life shuts down and collapses around me
until all i can see in my tunnel vision is the paper, scrawled over with numbers
glaring back until even that goes black.