Have you ever found that one person who makes your heart drop, fail, and shatter into a million pieces; yet, when you hear him speak he has the tendency to heal it with his voice and smooth talk. So, you go to touch his face feeling the scrub and gliding down to his lips as you move in closer getting a better glance at his beautiful brown eyes, you shiver for a minute.

Then you lean in for that vibrant kiss you’ve known to expect. It’s electrifying, filled with passion and love. You’re both so into it that you’re in another world, planet, and maybe perhaps another galaxy. It gets so intensifying he puts his hands on your waist, telling you he wont let you go, as you wrap your arms around his neck and lean more into the kiss, wanting more…more dammit!

Then you feel a hand go up your shirt and you feel his soft touch. Oh, it feels so damn good. But then it was quickly shifted from your stomach to your belt. You feel a tug at it and another tug! He’s really going for it. It makes you really excited.

BUT, I must stop this madness! Yeah, that’s how it used to be. Love, passion, and sex was in the air; not really, but I can say I really did love him. Well I really do love him, never really stopped. It’s one of those unconditional things that seem like they’ll never go away, and guess what? They don’t…well not for me at least.

The name is Jose, and I’m a lost soul who’s come a far way from home. Yeah, this may not make sense to you but; elaboration isn’t needed under my circumstances…why, because I simply say so.

See, I’d get irked every time I heard his name, you know? Whenever a redundant love song like “Umbrella” ella…ella…eh, eh, under my umbrella. Blah, it sickens me to think about it. The past was so long ago. But, I can’t help think like it was only yesterday.

His name is Salvador, a mix of two races, but pure sexiness I tell you. I’d melt from his eyes though he said his was “whack” it’s still cute to me. Because he made my heart melt. I swear some nights I would fall asleep thinking I had the greatest guy in the world. Nothing could ever come in between us. Then other times I would grieve because I was so sad for I felt emptiness when he wasn’t around.

He’s my life, always has been. But, many would say I’m a fool for my actions. I’d say I’m simply just in love to the third degree. For, I would do anything for him.

Okay, okay…sappy…sappy love story right? I know.

But it all ends in fights and arguments. Sadly, I kind of pushed him away; and, perhaps this time maybe too far. Maybe I pushed him so far away that I wont be able to get him back. For he may gain interest in someone else who is better than me.

Am I sad? Yeah, of course…I love the man! I would love to spend the rest of my life with him if I could. But it’s all a question mark before my eyes. Because of one and one becoming a couple. A couple that somehow managed to become a complicated one, as in “one” together as a couple symbolically; rather, than just an average-regular couple.

Sigh, I miss being with him. But I wish him well…for I talked to him recently. But it left me with a million questions at the top of my head…

“I still want to be with him.”

“I wonder what’s going to happen.”

But all these things left me with even more questions. But left me ever more puzzled. For, I felt more sickened and saddened, for you see as I keep saying I really want to be with him, but I really feel as if it’s not going to happen. I’m so lost, but I try not to show it. I’m so lonely without him, but I smile all the time. I want to be with him again; yet, I didn’t realize it until now.

My mind sets into an image…a beautiful image…

I’m dancing under the stars. It’s a beautiful fall night and I feel the breeze against my face. And I hear myself softly singing DHT “Listen to Your Heart” The moon and stars shine down upon my face, making me feel free and able to run free. I smile and start running around. But, then the sky turns dark and rain starts to pour down on me. I then appear on a long dusty road and see two figures walking hand-in-hand. And I see its Salvador and me walking. With a tear that escapes my eye and runs down my face, I try to turn away but I feel paralyzed.

My focus is brought back into reality…

Hm, interesting right, yeah…a lover not a fighter, a dreamer whose dreams are hell right now. I’m so far from the sky flying and below water. I want to be able to walk again and understand what’s going on around me; and, be with him once again. I love him so much I know that. I dedicate my life to him…but what’s going to happen?

Only time will tell…