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His head was thrown back and his long shaggy hair fell away from his eyes as he slowly exhaled the gray smoke from his lungs. I could see the way his chest rose as he took another long drag from the white cigarette between his fingers. He looked sexual as though every drag was touching him just right. My eyes swept over him resting between his legs were his tight package was clear.
My friends tapped me over the shoulder signaling it was time to head out. The club was closing and we were all standing outside trying to decide where the party would continue. I wasn’t interested in going home with them; my eyes were set on the boy in front of me.
My eyes fell back on him after dismissing my friends. He was looking towards me and I could feel a shudder run down my spine as his eyes gave me a once over. My eyes drifted towards his mouth were the cigarette was held as his lungs filled once more, I watched him exhale, when the smoke was gone, his tongue flipped out to moisten his bottom lip. I followed his hand that had till then hovered close to his mouth as it dropped next to his hip, the cigarette was disposed his right foot coming down to crush it against the side walk.
His hand moved over to the center of his legs where he rubbed himself a couple of times while with his other hand motioned me over. I crossed the street barely avoiding being hit by a red truck. I didn’t know what I was doing but I just let my lust carry me over to him.
His voice dripped sex and after barely exchanging names our lips were locked. I didn’t even worry about the world around us, what others would think. His hands were possessive moving down my body grinding against me before I even knew what he was doing I felt his cold fingers over my heated skin. With a few tugs at my hard member he whispered in my ear asking where my car was. I pulled him close to me my hands clutching his round ass and feeling the his cool skin escaping from to long cuts placed right under his back pockets.
I didn’t want to let him go but he pushed away from me, “Car” he whispered. I took his hand walking briskly towards the parking spot. He pushed me against my red mustang, his teeth on my ear as he whispered how hot red cars made him.
My foot hit the accelerator like a rock, I needed to get out of here, where to I wasn’t sure but I followed his instructions. I took I-95 south, the beach’s traffic made it slow, but his hands made it fast.
My car kept growling with ever press of his hand between my legs, soon we left the beach behind the open rode for us and his hand controlling my speed. He would squeeze my hardness as his lips grazed my neck. My breathing was labored and all I wanted to do was touch him. My knuckles were white against the steering wheel every time I tried to reach for him, he would bite the spot his mouth was torturing forcing my hands back to the wheel.
“Next exit.” I dove through the three lanes to make it. Music was blaring out of the car speakers, and his laughter as the force of the turn tossed our bodies slightly to the side made me growl. “Left” the tires screeched against the pavement at the sharp turn, I was sure any minute I’d hear sirens, but while his mouth sucked and his hand squeezed nothing fucking mattered.
“Right,” he whispered after awhile the car slipping onto a dirt road. His hand’s had once more slipped into my pants and the heat their heat felt like fire. I was panting like an animal in heat, my sole thought was about having that pretty little mouth around me. I was still driving trying to see where I was going, when his mouth left my ear and neck. I was about to protest when I felt the wet heat of his mouth. I hit the accelerator, I hit the break I don’t know what the fuck I did and how we didn’t die as the car spun and than stopped.
The sex was as thrilling as the car ride, when I came I felt as though I was an inch away from heaven. Nick wrote his phone number with eyeliner on my fore arm. I watched as he got off the car and like an illusion disappeared into the thick brush. I was too sedated to move.
With out a clue to were I was, I turned the car on and tried to figure out which way to go.
After several wrong turns and dead ends, I found a gas station and was able to get some directions back onto the high way. I dram about him, the way he exhaled the smoke, the way he rode me, how his lips trialed down my body.
-
I called him Sunday afternoon; a woman answered the phone and informed me Nicky was at church. I lay in my bed trying to imagine Nick at church; I couldn’t picture him dressed up in church clothes. Everything I managed to dress him in I ended up pulling off him.
He called me back Monday during lunch. I agreed to pick him up at 2:45, only after hanging up regretting that I’d be caught in school zones my whole way there. I waited for him on Sunset St and 134th Ave. I kept looking around me wondering what house he lived in.
He came down the sidewalk, a book bag over his shoulder and a cigarette in his mouth. He was wearing lose fitting light blue jeans and a simple white shirt. He looked younger, he looked innocent and all I wanted to do was tear up those clothes and erase all innocence of his face and body.
I reached over and opened his door once he was next to the car. He took one last hit off his cigarette before dropping it and smashing it with the tip of his boots. He slowly opened the buttons of his shirt starting from the top, one by one, revealing a light blue tank top underneath.
I could do nothing but stare as his skill tongue came out to slowly lick over his bottom lip as the shirt fell of his shoulders and he finally sat in the car. I don’t know if he did it on purpose of it just came natural to him, but I was ready to rip his clothes off.
He carefully folded his shirt before placing it in his book bag and then he turned to acknowledge me with a shy smile and a soft hi. I only grunted in response earning the sexiest laugh I had ever heard.
I moved over to kiss him, but he pushed me away.
“Not here,” He looked around before ordering me to drive. I paid closer attention to where he told me to go; I didn’t want to be stranded in the middle of nowhere again.
Nick pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. He placed it on his lips and lit it up before rolling the window down.
“Left,” he said as smoke escaped his lips. We were at a park, tall trees and a small playground. I turned the ignition off but kept my hand on the key’s I watched how he exhaled the smoke, how his Adam’s apple bobbed in his neck.
“You want to fuck me again?” He didn’t even look at me, his eyes straight forward. Another cloud of smoke followed his words and when I didn’t answer he continued, “I want you to fuck me again.”
A small voice in the back of my head told me this wasn’t a good idea, that same voice yelled that we were in a park and it was just wrong. I ignored it, Nick was wrong, Nick was too young, too dangerous, too beautiful and too fucking wrong and god I wanted to be wrong.
I probably leaped off my seat, I remember smacking my knee against the steering wheel and swallowing a cry of pain right before my lips collided with his.
“Next time we are getting a bed,” I mumbled the second time I hit my head against he ceiling.
“Who say’s there’ll be a next time,” Nick chuckled as I tried once again to find the right spot.
I didn’t let his words bother me, I could hear a teasing note in his voice and there was no way I was letting him disappear into the scenery again.
Even now years later I’m not sure exactly what I was expecting from Nick. I knew he was young, that day at the park I found out he was still in high school and were it should have send me running it didn’t because I wanted to get to know this young sex god I had stumbled upon.
He would laugh when ever I mentioned how much he surprised me or how skilled I thought he was. I wondered what other hands had touched him, where he gained his skill and knowledge. I would make myself jealous thinking about it, I’d worry about what he was doing while away from me. Why we didn’t cement what we had with a label?
Then I’d have him in my arms once more, his glorious mouth would do things to me that simply blew all thoughts out of my head. The hands, the men who I had been cursing for ever touching him suddenly became my idols, because dear god was I enjoying the fruits of their labor.
I had the chance to observe how the teenager changed into a man. How he grew in my arms, he became more secure in himself. It had been probably a year of clandestine sex when he stopped saying “not here,” when he stopped looking around to make sure no one he knew saw us.
I had the chance to have my early fantasy of ripping his church clothes off become a reality. I waited outside his church; I watched how he walked in standing between his grandmother and mother wearing a tan suit with out a tie and chucks on his feet.
I waited in the hot sun; I waited with my hand gently rubbing over my crotch. I waited for him to walk out of church, for his eyes to meet mine and him to whisper an excuse as he ran/walked towards me. He was eighteen by then; he was taller and had decided to quit smoking, trading the cancer stick for gum.
I was living on my own by then working as a legal aid in a law firm downtown. I wasn’t interested in the tie and dress shoe wearing closet freaks around me. I wanted my crude and sexy teenager. He’d drop his pants anywhere for me and I never understood exactly why he liked me. What made me so special that night outside the bar? Was it random?
“Why me?” I asked while making sure I made his little church suit nice and dirty. “Why me?” I panted again as he dropped to his knees in front of me.
He didn’t answer me then, he didn’t come back to the question until we were sedated on our backs on the cold tile floor.
“Why you what?” It took me a minute to figure out what he was talking about; my mind was going in a happy loop reminding what we had just done against the kitchen counter.
“Why are you here with me?” He leaned up onto his elbow, regarding me with his brown eyes.
“You want me here.” He moved between my legs, his hips coming down against mine, rousing feeling into what I thought was definitely out for the day.
“I want you here, I want you with me.” I kissed his neck, “Why me that day at the club?”
He moved down until his lips whispered into my ear, “You saw me.”
I never got any other answer for him, and I gave up after the third time. I was just happy he was there.
When he turned twenty one I asked him to move in with me. He agreed with out a second of hesitation. He never went home for his things. His grandmother had died the year before and things with his mother hadn’t been good since he was 12. She was positive that if he tried hard enough he wouldn’t be gay. He had more things at my place than hers anyway.
I was working my way up in the law firm when I came home to find an empty apartment. A note on my desk that said:
“You don’t see me anymore.”
Just like the vision that appeared before me surrounded by a cloud of cigarette smoke he disappeared. I had no clue were he went, I had no clue were I was or what had gone wrong.
Things had changed, we had settled into what I thought was adult life. I was twenty six years old and about to make partner at the firm. Perhaps I did stop seeing him; perhaps I did miss the small changes that slowly pushed him away. Perhaps I said no one to many times.
I didn’t notice that my little sex god was meant to be more than a trophy “bride” to the up and coming lawyer. I didn’t notice I had placed him on shelf while I worked on my carrier. He chose me because I saw him, it was logical that he’d leave me the day I stopped looking. We never even said I love you.
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