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Tell me Brooke
Unbalanced and alone. Always alone.
Those she loved left her long ago and those who loved her were driven away by her tantrums and depressions.
If only she could do it all over again.
She would do it all differently!
But then again would her family? Would they protect her from all harm? Would they keep her safe? By the time this all started she was far to young to make decisions of her own.
Sure not all faults were to be put on her family, she was by no means a saint. She never tried to make people believe she was...well maybe she did once or twice. But the truth is, her family pushed her into a life she could not handle. They could not have known back then, how it would bring her down. Nobody knew. But they could hardly blame her for the slight resentment she felt towards them.
“we only tried to help you make your dreams come true” her mother had said. But all 7 year olds had dreams that could not be realised. All kids dreamed. There was no harm in that. And yes she still has the dream. But she now knows the nightmare that accompanied the dream. And she no longer wants to follow her reverie. Everything had changed.
Everything had gone terribly wrong.
And she was only at the age of thirty. How was she supposed to live the rest of her life normally?
“fine I guess” she replied and looked back up to the ceiling.
“you guess?” he asked her and she just smiled a sad smile.
“sure, nobody visited me this week, but I could do with the rest I recon.” Britney replied and thought of the people she wished would’ve come by.
“have you spoken to anyone?” he then asked.
“No I tried to ring him, talk to my pretty boys, but he would not let me” she now replied and a single tear slid down the side of her face.
“do you understand why?” the doctor asked and though the smile was still present on Brooke’s face, the doctor saw the change. Her heart broke a thousand times.
“I do” she said through the tears and let the waterworks flow freely.
“care to elaborate?” he asked.
“I ruined everything, he won’t let me ruin their lives as well” she replied with a soft voice.
“maybe when things get better, you can start over with them” the doctor pointed out carefully.
“why? I would not let me near if I were him.” Brooke replied and the doctor dropped the subject for the time being.
“how is your mother” he then asked, another sore subject but one that needed dealing.
“ruining my sister” she replied and he just nodded his head. He had seen the news, heard the stories. Her sister waited the same faith.
“I know I should not blame my mother...but I do” Brooke said then suddenly.
“Why?”
“she pushed me in front of the camera. I was only seven. How did she expect me to deal with life?” Brooke said angry.
“Maybe she thought you really wanted it.” The doctor said.
“I did, but so does every other seven year old. It’s the parents that should be protecting us from it all” Brooke now said her expression hardening.
“and you figure your mother came short in that department?” was the next careful question.
“look at me...I’m a mess. Yes she came short” Brooke smiled ruefully.
“how about your father?” the question was met by silence...the answer carefully weighed.
“he’s weak...he never did anything. And now he says he’s sorry for everything. What good does sorry do me?” it finally came.
As the questioning continued Brooke lost her concentration. She looked out the window. It was all so beautiful. She wished to feel the breeze through her hair, feel the rain on her face and even feel the sun burn her skin. She wanted it all back again, but her senses were numb and her freedom heavily restricted.
She thought of her youth and how it had not been so different from this.
She would travel the world and see all it’s beauty rush by her, she never got a chance to see things up close.
She would see other children her age play games and laugh, she was stuck with the kids in the club. They were stuck up or shy and none of them saw a reason for befriending. They never had time for one another any way. And those kids weren’t bad in any way, they were just in the same sinking boat as she was.
Some just had the common sense to jump off before it hit rock bottom. And some had parents to pull them out. How she sometimes wished to have such parents.
She made millions in her glory years. Spent them in the black hole she now called life. Ruining the last bit of decent reputation she had left. Walking around drunk and drugged, without panties on. All the while, camera’s were pointed at her from every corner. She should not have been so stupid.
She should have been more rational. Pff who could be rational when life was like hers? Was there even someone else who lived a life like hers? Besides her sister, who was also never pulled back from the sinking ship. She tried to warn her. But who listens to the loony? She could not blame anyone for that. She was mental, it’s what they all said. She wasn’t right. Crazy, nuts, dangerous even.
She wasn’t even allowed to see her won children anymore. What would they be thinking? Would they hate her when they grew up? Would they be sad, disappointed? Would they even know about her? Would they care? She wondered but did not dare to answer her own questions. Though she was now left in the dark, she still had hope. Hope helped her move on. The hope her children would one day be with her again. It kept her going. Made her seek help.
It would get her through it all. Every bump in the road. Survive every bad apple in the tree. And forget about the things that hurt her most.
Life would never be normal again but maybe, just maybe it would be slightly better then it was now.
Brooke looked at the doctor as he mumbled on about something. He was helping her and she was thankful, but the medication numbed her and she almost stopped caring for everything in the world.
She smiled at him and he knew she wasn’t listening. Still he let her be. She needed this time to get her thoughts straightened out. She needed to figure out a lot, on her own.
She needed to realise she could take care of herself again someday. She needed to understand that she could be independent and that she would not always need someone else to make her get through a day.
Counselling had become a little less intensive. She only needed to come twice a week now, instead of every day. In a while they would test her again and see if she was still a danger to herself and others. Maybe in a few months they could get her to interact with others again. Maybe in a few short years, she would be able to stand on her own two feet again.
And maybe, just maybe, she would be able to see her family again. Her parents, her sister, but most of all her children.
He looked at the broken young woman before him, she had only been a child when she broke down. When her life was ruined. He just hoped he could get her back up.
And maybe somebody would sympathise with her and help her get back to work two. It would be a long shot and he wasn’t sure anyone would want to hear her sing anymore. But he needed to hope, for her.
She was once such a beautiful fun loving woman. One day she would be again. He had to hope for that.
The door opened and two nurses came in.
“time’s up” they muttered and helped Brooke off of the couch. Her arms were still restricted and she could hardly get up on her own but she made no attempt to object anyway.
She learned to control the urge to fight them. They’d only drug her and give her more time in that lonely white room.
The room where she now lived. Alone and broken. Without anyone to tell her everything would work out right. Tears cascaded down her face in a fast pace as she was brought back in and the door was locked behind her.
What happened to the days of glory when fans would run up to her for autographs? When her family showed her love and when she was still united with her children. She missed it more every day, but she new it was foolish to think it would get better any time soon.
Still she tried to stand strong and make it through. After rain sunshine would come, right?