EPISODE #11

Early September

SCENE 1: North Field High School

NARRATOR

The beginning of September marked the start of school for Mark, Matt, Kenny, and Jack.

Matt is sitting in his homeroom when the bell rings. Mrs. Long walks in the room and smiles at the class.

AZRAEL
Welcome back, juniors!

kids start cheering. Matt rolls his eyes and stares at his desk with a smile

AZRAEL
Now, as you all know we have an extended advisory period today, and I know how that excites you all to no end, so we’ll go around the room this morning and you’ll tell us something about your summer. Giovanni, you start.

GIOVANNI

I went to Mexico to visit my family.

AZRAEL

And what was your favorite part?

GIOVANNI

I went drinking with my cousins.

AZRAEL

amusedly

All right. Dina, what about you?

DINA

I went to Europe.

MRS. LONG

Oh, what country?

DINA

All over but I think my favorite part was Amsterdam.

kids laugh.

AZRAEL

Matt, you next.

DINA

Matt, what did you do to your hair? It looks hot.

MATT

Um, someone else did it for me.

AZRAEL

Dina, let Matt talk.

MATT

Um, my dad kicked me out of the house and I went to live with one of my friends. I spent the rest of my summer babysitting and eventually befriending children way younger than me.

AZRAEL

Way to keep up student morale. Good work.

MATT
Not a problem.

AZRAEL

Never is, is it?

Dina and Matt are having a side conversation

DINA

Really, Matt, who did your hair?

NARRATOR
Matt did not really know this girl. He tended to find what he saw of her annoying. So, when she started talking to him he didn’t know how to respond. Usually he fabricated an elaborate story. Instead he found himself telling the truth.

MATT

Zonnie.

DINA

Oh, my God. The gay one in the office?

MATT

Of all the Zonnies out there… yes.

DINA
I love that boy! I didn’t know you were friends with him.

MATT

He—yeah.

DINA

You know he’s gay, right?

MATT
Yeah, I know that.

DINA
You know, it’s not just the hair. There’s something different about you.

MATT
Maybe it’s the excitement of my first day as an upperclassman.

AZRAEL
All right, my little geniuses. I’m passing out your class schedules.

DINA

I think this school has a policy about hiring gay people. I mean, Mr. Montana, Ms. Gomez, Ms. McKellan? All gay.

MATT
I thought Mr. Montana was bise—

Azrael walks by and drops Matt’s schedule on his desk

AZRAEL

Mr. Montana is starting to regret giving his friends free reign over the distribution of the facts of his personal life.

DINA
What was that?

MATT
Fuck, I have him first period.

AZRAEL

Just for that you start with a fail.

MATT
Damn.

DINA

What were you saying before?

MATT
Huh? Oh, nothing.

DINA

Oh, we have English together!

MATT
Hey, cool.

DINA
Laveral. Ugh.

MATT
I had him last year. I liked him.

DINA

He’s so weird. Not in a bad way. He’s just a weird guy.

MATT
I agree.

cut to: Sullivan Middle School. Kenny is in the locker room. A few of the older boys come in and slam his locker shut.

NARRATOR
While Matt was sailing through his first day as a junior, Kenny was having his own underclassman complications at the middle school.

OB1

So, what’s new, Kenny?

KENNY
Oh, you know… Same old, same old.

OB1

You know, we were thinking and we’re sorry we were picking on you last year.

KENNY

Gee, your apologies mean a lot.

OB1

You were kind of looking funny at Andrew here.

KENNY

He’s funny-looking.

OB1

You’re not a fag, are you?

KENNY

What’s it to you if I am?

OB1

We don’t want any fags here.

KENNY

Statistically there are more than three kids in our gym class who’ll turn out to be gay.

OB1

We don’t want none of your statistics.

KENNY
What’s it to you if I was gay?

OB1

Well, we’d have to kick your ass.

Kenny nods and grabs his bag

KENNY

Good luck with that.

Andrew steps in front of him

ANDREW

Where do you think you’re going?

Kenny lunges forward and gives Andrew a sloppy kiss on the lips. Andrew, as well as the rest of the gang, is in shock. Kenny smiles and tosses his hair.

KENNY
You boys have a nice day.

Kenny walks to second period. The teacher points him to his seat. He organizes his supplies on his desk. Andrew walks in and rolls his eyes at the sight of Kenny. Andrew sits behind him and leans forward. They speak in hushed tones.

ANDREW
You.

KENNY

You.

ANDREW

You’re not going to kiss me again, are you?

KENNY
Don’t flatter yourself.

ANDREW
Fucking fag.

KENNY
I’m not gay.

NARRATOR
He really wasn’t.

ANDREW
Why’d you kiss me then?

KENNY

sarcastically

You’re just so damn cute.

ANDREW

I’m being serious.

KENNY
You’re gay for talking about it.

ANDREW
You’re the one who’s kissing me.

KENNY
You’re gay for liking it.

ANDREW
I didn’t like it!

KENNY
Then why are you bringing it up?

ANDREW

Why’d you do it?!

KENNY

Why do you care?

ANDREW

Because I—Wait. I thought you were in seventh grade.

KENNY
I am.

ANDREW

You’re in eighth grade geometry?

KENNY

I’m a genius. Get over it.

cut to: Park Street Elementary School. Jack is out playing tag on the playground. Zoom into Ms. Lowe’s classroom. Mark is reading a book while the Ms. Lowe is giving a math lesson. She spots him in mid-explanation and stops.

MS. LOWE

Mark, what is that you’re reading?

MARK

Words, ma’am.

MS. LOWE

I’ll not have you mouthing off to me!

MARK

I’m reading a book.

MS. LOWE

By all means, would you care to share what this book is?

Mark stands up and displays the cover to the class.

MARK

This is The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and while many people claim that it’s a racist text it’s a metaphor and a satirical look at how the south was in the pre-abolition days. It’s about Huckleberry Finn who escapes from life in the civilized world to live a life of a simpleton and along the way becomes friends with a runaway slave named Jim. So far I’m at the part when Huck plays a trick on Jim by putting an unlucky rattlesnake skin in Jim’s bed. I’d really like to see what happens next. Does that answer your question?

cut to: Park Bakery. Zeke is helping a customer when Chandler drags Mark into the shop. Zeke looks up and raises his eyebrow.

ZEKE

What happened?

CHANDLER
Mark’s teacher called me into a conference so I would be aware of my son’s misbehavior.

ZEKE
Mark!

CUSTOMER

Can I have my cookies please?

ZEKE
Oh, of course ma’am.

Zeke compiles the cookies, rings up the customer, and walks in front of the counter and kneels before Mark.

ZEKE

Mark, why’d she call Chandler?

MARK
I told her he was you.

ZEKE
Why?

MARK
‘Cause I got in trouble for reading.

ZEKE

frowning, confusedly

At school?

CHANDLER

I thought the same thing.

MARK

I thought Chandler would be more understanding to both me and Ms. Lowe.

ZEKE
Was he?

cut to: After school. Mark is sitting with his arms folded in a chair in front of Ms. Lowe’s desk. Chandler walks in the room. He’s out of breath.

CHANDLER
Ms. Lowe?

MS. LOWE

Sit down, Mr. Hart.

Chandler looks at Mark quizzically before going to sit down next to him.

CHANDLER

What seems to be the problem?

MS. LOWE

I was in the middle of teaching the sevens times tables today when I spotted your son reading.

CHANDLER

Reading, miss?

MS. LOWE

Yes, reading. When I asked him what it was he was reading do you know what he said?

CHANDLER

No.

MS. LOWE

“Words.”

CHANDLER

And you’re mad at him?

MS. LOWE

Why shouldn’t I be?

CHANDLER
That’s Shakespearian.

MS. LOWE

Your son will get nowhere in life by not listening in elementary school.

CHANDLER
Mark is nine years old, can quote Shakespeare, and is reading texts not taught until high school and you’re worried that he won’t succeed in life because he doesn’t want to listen to the seven times tables?

MS. LOWE

It was not time for reading, Mr. Hart.

CHANDLER
Why do you try to stifle children?

MS. LOWE

I’m teaching him vital skills that are needed in high school.

CHANDLER
Let me tell you something about high school. Teachers don’t care if you want to fuck up your own life by not memorizing a formula or the setting of a story. If he wants to read then let him read but I’ll be God damned if you’re going to tell my son whether he can or cannot read.

MS. LOWE

Language!

CHANDLER

I’m tired of people trying to measure the value of a child at so early an age. Embrace the fact that he knows who he is.

MS. LOWE

He’s nine. He doesn’t know a thing about himself.

CHANDLER
He knows enough to realize that you’re a forty five year old forth grade teacher who’s a frigid whore because her ovaries dried up ten years earlier than they were supposed to. Kindly stop persecuting my son before I have you fired.

cut back to: Park Bakery.

CHANDLER
In retrospect I may have gotten a little out of hand.

ZEKE

You yelled at a teacher?!

CHANDLER
I was provoked!

ZEKE
Great! The next nine months are going to be a living hell for him!

MARK

Dad, aren’t we supposed to hear from the lawyer soon?

Silence falls. Zeke coughs and goes back behind the counter. Chandler follows and puts a hand on his shoulder. Mark sits at a table and starts on his homework. Chandler pulls him into a comforting kiss and smiles.

CHANDLER

It’ll all work out.

ZEKE

Glad you think so.

CHANDLER

Hey, none of that defeatist attitude.

ZEKE

… Whatever.

SCENE 2: Freddy’s Apartment

NARRATOR

Meanwhile, Evan was trying to reintroduce Freddy to the world outside the apartment.

Evan has a tray of food. He walks into Freddy’s bedroom and sets it down on the nightstand. Freddy is staring at the ceiling. It does not look like he’s moved for months. He sits next to Freddy and rubs his shoulder.

EVAN

Are you hungry today?

FREDDY

Not really.

NARRATOR
He was. He hadn’t eaten in two days.

EVAN
Come on, you have to eat.

FREDDY

Don’t you have to go to work?

EVAN

I quit at my old hospital.

FREDDY

What?! Why?

EVAN
Because you need me here.

FREDDY
I have other friends who can take care of me.

EVAN

All your friends work.

FREDDY

You should too.

EVAN

I don’t want anything to happen to you.

FREDDY

Evan, I—

EVAN

Eat something.

FREDDY
You sound like Vlad’s mother.

EVAN

When was the last time you talked to Vlad?

FREDDY

Don’t know.

EVAN
You should call him.

FREDDY

I should.

EVAN

This conversation is going nowhere.

FREDDY
Why?

EVAN

You’re not disagreeing with me.

FREDDY
Oh.

EVAN

Do you want to talk about anything?

FREDDY

You wouldn’t get it.

EVAN
You’re right. I have no idea how you feel. Both of my parents are dead.

FREDDY

Goddammit, Evan.

EVAN
If you can’t talk to someone who’s had a similar experience then it’s not the death itself you’re having trouble with. You need to talk to someone about your mom.

FREDDY

I don’t have anyone to talk to.

cut to: Al’s House. Freddy is standing on the stoop. He has no makeup on, his eyes are puffy and red, and he is dressed relatively like a straight guy. Al opens the door and raises his eyebrow.

AL

Alfred?

FREDDY
Hi, dad. Can I come in?

Al nods and lets him inside. Freddy wipes his eyes and stands in the large empty entryway.

FREDDY
Where’s everyone?

AL
Eve took Henry to a birthday party.

FREDDY
Ahh.

AL

What’s going on?

FREDDY

Oh, I thought I’d stop by, say hello, see how everyone’s holding up.

AL

Something’s wrong. You look normal.

FREDDY

Dad, not now please.

AL

What’s wrong?

FREDDY

I need to talk to you.

AL

Come to yell at me more about being a shitty father?

FREDDY
I think you ragging on me while I’m practically in tears speaks for itself.

AL

What do you want to talk about?

FREDDY

I need to talk to you about mom.

AL

Let’s go get a bite to eat.

FREDDY
No offense but I really don’t feel like dealing with anything more hoity toity than you.

AL

Okay…

FREDDY
I have a place in mind.

cut to: Pickford Café. Al looks very uncomfortable. Freddy is shaking a packet of sugar into his coffee. Al is fiddling with his napkin.

AL
What the hell is this place?

FREDDY

It’s a café.

AL
Why the hell did you want to come here?

FREDDY

I’m much more at home here.

AL

Great.

FREDDY

Dad, I want to talk to you about mom.

AL

Um, you lived with her for those last few years.

FREDDY

I know I did. But that wasn’t her. I can kind of remember how she was before everything and I want to hear about her from you.

AL

I don’t have much to say.

FREDDY
She was your wife.

AL

She was a wonderful woman.

FREDDY
Thanks, dad. You sound like everyone at the funeral.

AL

What do you want to know?

FREDDY

How did you meet her?

AL

I met her in a club.

FREDDY

You… were in a club.

AL
I’m not living in the stone ages, you know.

FREDDY
Incredible.

AL
She used to be a cage dancer—

FREDDY
Ew!

AL

You wanted to know!

FREDDY

Well, I don’t need to know that you met mom while she was giving you a lap dance!

AL

She was in a cage.

FREDDY
So much better.

AL

All the guys wanted her. I just happened to be the lucky one.

FREDDY

Why did everyone want her so badly? It wasn’t just her looks, right?

AL

For the most part. The personality came after a few dates.

FREDDY
Dad!

AL

Her personality is the reason I stayed with her.

FREDDY

I’d hope so.

AL

Your mom was… fun.

FREDDY
My room was down the hall from hers. I know she was “fun.”

AL

I remember our second date was at Six Flags.

FREDDY

Wow.

AL

Your mom loved roller coasters. I hated roller coasters with a passion. I still do.

FREDDY

Seems mom took a liking to thrills. Intravenous thrills mostly but it’s nice to know she took outside thrills once in a while too.

AL

You remind me a lot of her.

FREDDY
I remind you of a drug addict? How sweet.

AL

I loved your mom, you know.

FREDDY

You were divorced.

AL

That doesn’t mean I ever stopped loving her.

FREDDY

Then why did you get a divorce?

AL

Your mother and I wanted different things. We rushed too quickly into marriage without thinking through what we wanted. Before we knew it you were born.

FREDDY

What did you want?

AL

I never wanted a family. I would’ve been happy to live out the rest of my life with just your mother. Then I found out she wanted a kid—she wanted you, actually. Anyway, after your sister died we’d finally had enough fighting and we decided it was best for all three of us if we never saw each other again. I don’t blame your mother for hating me after that.

FREDDY

I don’t either. Especially since you went and got married to another woman and ended up having a kid.

AL

I wasn’t ready with you and your mom.

FREDDY

But you were ready six months later?

AL

It’s different.

FREDDY

How so? You wanted a do-over so that made it okay?

AL

I never said that it was okay. Things just happen.

FREDDY

At least mom never remarried.

AL

She didn’t?

FREDDY

No. She may have had a lot of boyfriends, but never remarried.

AL

Boyfriends?

FREDDY

Tons. A lot of Latino guys now that I think about it.

They share a look

You don’t think it runs in the family, do you?

AL

It’s possible. So you’re really gay?

FREDDY

Do you have a problem with that? What am I saying? Look who I’m asking.

AL

I’m not gonna lie: I’m disappointed. Thought you’d be thinking about kids with your wife right now.

FREDDY

I’m not even twenty five.

AL

You asked.

FREDDY

Dad, I hate kids. I’m a self-centered person.

AL

So am I.

FREDDY

She always said we had a lot in common.

AL

I don’t doubt it. Could’ve passed for me when I was your age.

FREDDY
Except I’ve got mom’s eyes and hair.

AL

with a hurt kind of sigh

Yes you do.

FREDDY

I remember when she told me I looked like you. I locked myself in my room and caked my face with makeup.

AL

I can see that.

FREDDY
Can you blame me?

AL

You would’ve rather been like your mother?

FREDDY
I don’t want to be like either of you!

AL

I can see her in you. She always made sure you were at school on time, always made sure you had the best… You were her life. She was like that with me before you were born. You two care deeply about those you care about.

FREDDY

weakly
I don’t care about anyone.

AL

What about your little Jewish friend?

FREDDY
Vlad can burn in hell.

AL

That’s a little harsh.

FREDDY
He just starts interrogating me after Grams dies and doesn’t even give me a chance to explain myself and then he tries to apologize! I don’t get it.

AL
Still, it seems a little off to just shut him out.

FREDDY

Like I said: I don’t care about anyone.

AL

What about the kid you brought to the funeral?

FREDDY
Evan? So what? I’ve only known him for a few months.

AL

I think he really likes you.

FREDDY

So?

AL

Your mother was right. You are like me.

FREDDY
What do you mean?

AL
It took me a year to realize that your mom actually liked me. You and I block out things we don’t want to see.

FREDDY

Do we now?

AL

Take me: I decided that you were a shame to keep in the family.

FREDDY

I decided it would be a shame to stay in the family. Jimmi and I just kind of distanced ourselves.

AL
Well, after James’ episode a few years back—

FREDDY
Which one?

AL

His graduation.

FREDDY

laughing

Oh, that.

AL

I don’t think it would’ve been such a big deal if they’d just told Chuck and Barbara.

FREDDY

They couldn’t take it being a secret anymore. Kyle and Jimmi… They don’t care because they have each other. Despite the fact that they’ve been alienated from both of their families and that they have to survive on the fact that they’re a Christian Elementary School teacher and a chorus boy.

AL

It’s their choice.

FREDDY

Dad, being gay isn’t a choice.

AL
I meant about pissing off their parents.

FREDDY

Oh.

AL

Your mom would’ve gotten a kick out of it.

FREDDY

Probably.

AL

I’m sure she was proud of you.

FREDDY
Right.

AL

Hell, if I’m proud of you I’m sure she was.

Freddy sits back and blinks.

FREDDY

You—You’re proud of me?

AL

nods

I am.

FREDDY

Well, where have you been?

AL

You have to be smart; you’re my son.

FREDDY
I’m an idiot.

AL

You are not.

FREDDY

I left school after mom died. I’m a moron.

AL
That has nothing to do with how smart you are.

FREDDY
Not according to society. According to society I’m a lost cause.

AL

If your mother could’ve heard you say that… Alfred, you’re not stupid. You’re just… not educated.

FREDDY
I know that. I mean, I look at my friends who’ve all gone to college and who’re doing important things with their lives and wonder to myself why I didn’t do that.

AL

You were going through more than any of your other friends. I’m surprised you didn’t kill yourself.

FREDDY
I failed at that.

AL
Oh, right.

FREDDY
I don’t blame you for not remembering. It’s not like you care.

AL

My psychiatrist told me I have a selective memory.

Al sips at his coffee. Freddy just stares.

FREDDY
You selectively forgot that your own son tried to kill himself?

AL

It hurts when your kids do that kind of thing. When you have kids you’ll understand.

FREDDY
I’ll never have kids.

AL

Lest one should turn out like you.

FREDDY
Didn’t stop you.

AL

Look what it got me. Two sons and, though one is just like me in almost every way possible, I can’t help but be reminded of his mother every time I see him.

NARRATOR

It was then that Freddy realized why his father had been avoiding him since the divorce. Freddy reminded him too much of the woman he’d loved.

SCENE 4: The Hospital

NARRATOR

Down at the hospital Steven was trying to sort out his thoughts.

Steven is filling out some documents. Michelle walks over and pulls a chair up to his desk. Steven looks up confusedly as she starts unpacking a lunch.

NARRATOR
The solitude was short-lived.

STEVEN
Whatcha doin’?

MICHELLE
It’s lunch time and I figured I’d eat with my brother-in-law rather than in my office with legal documents.

STEVEN

What about your husband?

STEVEN
In with a patient.

STEVEN
Anything in there for me?

Michelle pulls a paper sack out of her purse and hands it to Steven as she starts eating her salad.

MICHELLE

Brian packed it for you this morning.

STEVEN
Wasn’t he sleeping?

MICHELLE

He was on call all last night so he got home just as I was waking up. He made you lunch. He’s afraid you haven’t been eating.

STEVEN

He worries too much.

MICHELLE
Well, have you?

Steven bites into the sandwich

STEVEN

No…

MICHELLE
Your guys’ creepy twin telepathy is so weird.

STEVEN

It’s unexplainable. Y’know, other than the fact that we used to be one person.

MICHELLE
Both of you say that. I’ve never known twins who think of themselves in those terms.

STEVEN
It’s hard for us not to think that way.

MICHELLE
So, he tells me you met someone.

STEVEN

Okay, now it’s starting to scare me.

MICHELLE
See?!

STEVEN

I didn’t meet anyone.

MICHELLE

Liar!

STEVEN

Okay, so I met someone, but I—

MICHELLE
Boy or girl?

STEVEN
It’s a guy and there’s nothing romantic between us.

MICHELLE

Are you sure?

flashback: The day at the soccer match. It is later in the day and they are in the parking lot. Azrael is running to catch up to Steven. Kenny is already at the car.

AZRAEL

Hey, Steven.

Steven turns just as Azrael stops.

AZRAEL

Do you want to hang out some time?

STEVEN

Yeah, why not?

cut to: Azrael’s Apartment. Steven and Azrael are sitting on the couch and watching a game on television

STEVEN (voice)

We just decided to hang out at his place the next day while Kenny was with Mark.

MICHELLE (voice)

And what did you do?

STEVEN (voice)

Nothing much…

AZRAEL

Baseball is boring as shit.

STEVEN

I agree.

they look at each other for a moment before they begin making out hastily. Cut back to: The hospital

STEVEN

Just watched a baseball game.

MICHELLE
You hate baseball. In fact, you hate all sports.

STEVEN

I do not!

MICHELLE
You do too! Now what did you really do?

STEVEN

None of your business.

MICHELLE
Brian knows. You know he does.

STEVEN
He does not now will you kindly back off?

MICHELLE

Do you like him?

STEVEN

He—

MICHELLE

And, Steven? No bullshit.

STEVEN

Nothing. Happened. Michelle.

MICHELLE
For your sake I hope you’re telling the truth.

STEVEN
Oh, yeah, I’m scared.

MICHELLE

using her ‘ghetto’ voice

Oh hell no.

STEVEN

Michelle, please don’t pretend you’re from the ghetto. You grew up in Connecticut. You’re not scaring anyone.

SCENE 5: Outside the Bakery

Mark is sitting on the curb. Matt walks up and sits next to him.

MATT
How was your first day of school?

MARK

I’ve already gotten in trouble.

MATT
What’d you do?

MARK

I was reading during math time.

MATT

I hated elementary school.

MARK

I do too.

Kenny comes in on the opposite side of Mark but does not sit down. Only his purple high-tops and the bottom of his faded jeans are visible.

KENNY
What’s everyone so sad about?

MATT
School.

KENNY

Oh.

Kenny sits and puts his arm around Mark’s shoulder. Mark leans on him and shuts his eyes.

MATT
How was your day, Kenny?

KENNY

It was all right. Everyone thinks I’m gay but other than that it wasn’t bad.

MATT

They know you’re only twelve, right?

KENNY

Yeah, kids are weird.

MARK

Have you done anything to make them think that?

KENNY

I kissed a boy earlier today.

Mark sits up. Both Mark and Matt are staring at him

KENNY
I was making a point!

MATT
Right…

MARK
What point were you trying to make?

KENNY
I’m not entirely sure, but I think I got it across.

MARK
Meanwhile you sacrifice your reputation.

KENNY

It doesn’t matter.

cut to: Inside the bakery. There appears to be no one inside. Chandler and Zeke are sitting behind the counter. Chandler is rubbing Zeke’s shoulders.

ZEKE

Thanks.

CHANDLER
I live to serve.

ZEKE
If you’re going to be like that—

CHANDLER
No, no, just sit. You’re stressing out.

ZEKE
I thought I had a good reason.

CHANDLER
You do.

ZEKE

His mother won’t understand him.

CHANDLER
Come on. Whatever happens will happen for the best.

ZEKE
How can you say that if he’s not with me?

CHANDLER

There’s a reason for everything.

ZEKE
How do you explain five year olds dying of brain cancer?

CHANDLER

I don’t. It’s why I’m neither minister nor doctor.

ZEKE
Way to dodge a bullet.

CHANDLER
I thought it was smart.

ZEKE
Chandler, you don’t have kids. You don’t understand.

CHANDLER
Um, about that.

ZEKE
What?

CHANDLER

Know what? Nothing.

ZEKE

No, you said—

Chandler pulls Zeke into a kiss in hopes of a distraction. Zeke pulls away.

ZEKE
You slept with a woman?

CHANDLER
Yes but that’s not how it happened.

ZEKE
You—

CHANDLER
I was fourteen. It doesn’t matter.

ZEKE
You had a kid when you were fourteen?!

CHANDLER
No, separate incidents.

ZEKE
Wait—

CHANDLER
Okay, when I was fourteen Ebony and I slept together because she didn’t want to lose her virginity to someone she would end up regretting losing it to.

ZEKE
Girls are weird.

CHANDLER
That’s what I said.

ZEKE
So Ebony is the mother of you—

CHANDLER
On a separate occasion I was trying to make money in college. Turns out sperm banks pay big money for “genius sperm” so I… sold my sperm.

ZEKE

What?!

CHANDLER
I did a lot of things I’m not proud of to pay for college…

ZEKE
How old were you?

CHANDLER

Sixteen when I sold the sperm.

ZEKE
Don’t you need to be eighteen?

CHANDLER
They thought I was.

ZEKE
Okay…

CHANDLER
Anyway, about a year later I got a call from a lady telling me that she’d had my daughter.

Zeke stares at him for a moment.

ZEKE
You have a daughter.

CHANDLER
Yeah.

ZEKE
How old?

CHANDLER
She just turned eight in August.

ZEKE
What’s her name?

CHANDLER

Myrna.

Zeke grimaces

CHANDLER
Wasn’t my choice.

ZEKE
Have you ever met her?

CHANDLER
I saw her a lot for my last year of school but then I moved back down here.

ZEKE
Who’s the mother?

CHANDLER
She was a physics professor at Berkeley before she had Myrna.

ZEKE

And now?

CHANDLER
I think she owns a pottery shop.

Zeke snorts

ZEKE
When did you last see her?

CHANDLER
Fifth birthday. I’m due up there for the big 1-0.

ZEKE
That’s no way to live.

CHANDLER
She’s not mine. I’m lucky her mother even called me and told me about her.

ZEKE
I want to meet her.

CHANDLER
In two years we’ll be up there for her tenth birthday.

ZEKE
Mark’s is next year.

CHANDLER
He just turned nine three days ago.

ZEKE
I know. It’s just—Yesterday he was just a baby, you know? I can remember teaching him how to walk in the orchard at my grandparents’.

Chandler fluffs Zeke’s hair and kisses him.

CHANDLER
It’ll be fine.

ZEKE
Says you.

CHANDLER
Let’s close the place for a little while.

ZEKE
Why?

CHANDLER
Let’s go in the back and cheer you up, aye?

ZEKE
Nah, the boss’ll kill me.

CHANDLER
Fuck, just open up your own place already.

ZEKE

I can’t.

CHANDLER
Why not?

ZEKE
No place.

CHANDLER

Find one?

ZEKE
Not that simple. There’s certain things you gotta do.

CHANDLER
Do those things involve sex in the back?

ZEKE
… Sometimes.

39