Prologue

'What makes you think it's not a dog?'

'Look at the way its acting.'

'It's acting like a dog.'

'No, look – see, now it's checking to make sure no humans are watching. They're really paranoid –

'Look! Now it's making contact with another dog; it's probably going to swap soon.'

'But what makes you think dogs aren't dogs? I don't get it.'

'Tuffy told me.'

'Oh. Who's Tuffy?'

'My cat.'

'Your cat. Oh, you mean your CAT. What does C-A-T stand for?'

'Not a C-A-T. My cat, Tuffy.'

'Riiight. Your cat, Tuffy. Of course. And what else does he tell you? That mice aren't mice? What about fish, what are they?'

'Oh come on Laury; don't make this harder for me. If you won't believe me, how can I get anyone else to? This is serious; Tuffy thought they were getting ready to take over, or take off or something. I never could quite work out what he meant about that bit.

'Tuffy said they are thousands of years old and to be extremely careful about exposing them or opposing them.'

'You are seriously weirding me out. Are you sure you're ok? Cause you don't sound it. What does your Mum think?'

'She knows about it too. She thinks we should just stay out of it. She says just knowing is more life-threatening than smoking. Mum would kill me if she knew I'd told you.'

'And you told me because….'

'We have to do something to stop them Laury. Before they do the taking thing or whatever Tuffy was on about.'

'OK, let me talk to Tuffy myself. Oh my God I'm crazy. I can't believe I just said that. How does he talk anyway? In English? Why not Siamese or something. Oh come on, can't you see how ridiculous this is?'

'He talks in your mind. The vocal apparatus of cats is too limited for human speech, Tuffy said. But anyway, you can't talk to Tuffy, he wouldn't do it. He'd just act like a cat and then probably disown me for life for having told another human.'

'Oh. Very convenient. He only talks to you.'

'He's talked to my Mum too. Anyway. That's not the main reason you can't talk to Tuffy. The main reason is that he's dead.'

'Don't tell me, the dogs got him.'

'Mum actually thinks it was other Cats. She thinks they knew he'd told his humans and eliminated him before he told any others.'

'Wow, when you decide to have paranoid delusions and conspiracy theories, you really go for it don't you. This is the best I've heard yet. Tell me more! Your mad.'

'Tuffy said Cats spread the idea of conspiracy theories, so that if anyone discovered them and tried to tell, people would think they were mad. I guess it works. I thought you'd at least give me the benefit of the doubt.'

'I am. I doubt your sanity.'