cabin 1-D

i wanted to lose myself in between the
functions of enzymes and oxidizing agents,
fill my mind to the brim with advice from
Screwtape and read another vocab word from my Webster’s dictionary,
allow the lesson & notes & labs of each day
help me forget a night when the rest of my peers
looked human.

it could just be the smoke from the fire that
likes to coyly stick to my skin and hair but
i let them see that i’m a little broken too.

my feet touched the ground and i acted like i was a part of something
more important

-then a piercing blue gaze
my returning summer tan or
complaints of sore muscles in the morning-

i cried because i had finally broken out of a cocoon only to discover
that my unique-ness was characterized by my hate
and i still couldn’t bring myself to love her.

i spent 5 days with strangers and friends alike learning
what scares me,
not being able to swing across that rope
to land safely on a platform.

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a/n: i still can't trust myself.