Briefing: I bought a sweet pencil that I wanted to test for comfort so I went over to a friend’s house and wrote nonstop until this came out. It’s better with the actual handwriting but hey what can you do? Seriously tell me. I need to know.

And now its time to test the pencil’s comfort capabilities after writing for an extended period of time. So I can’t think of anything to write except possibly for the monster growing inside my stomach fueled by a shredded beef burrito. He’s growing stronger and possibly a pair of talons so he can skip the part where he bides his time and freely rip open my stomach in a gory explosion of freedom. As I scream out shaking the walls the beast crawls out only to find that he’s been entangled in my large intestine. It’s wrapped around its right ankle in some kind of knot that would earn a proud boy scout a badge. Instead of untangling my organ off its ankle it decides to bite through it causing another wave of pain to come rushing over me in perhaps one of the darkest and most socially awkward moments of my soon to be short life. But perhaps at the age of 24 one’s life can’t be too short considering that the person gave birth to a gremlin like creature bound to go on a frightening killing spree that’ll be talked about for years. After chewing through my intestine the beast and I share a moment lost in each other’s eyes before he kicks off my ribcage and comes surging out of me in an explosion of bone, blood, and soft squishy gore. Due to the loss of blood I’m weak and am unable to move any part of my body. As my vision begins to fade I see it pursuing a cat. There’s nothing but darkness now and before losing consciousness I hear a desperate meowing followed by the sounds of bones cracking and tissue being ripped.

So yeah the pencil still retains the same comfort as when I started. My hand’s a little sore but that’s not to blame on my new device. I think I’m going to stick this thing in my pillow case so I can sleep on it and have sweet dreams of writing with a totally badass pencil Aaaaaand now I have nothing more to say so on that note the pencil shall take it’s leave. Do you have anything to say before we stop pencil?

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YEAH I DO MOTHERFUCKER! First of all I’m not going to be used to write your fucking weird and twisted shit. Seriously guy, get therapy. Second of all you’re gripping me waaay to tight. Your fucking choking me and drowning me in sweat to top it off. You think that your going to put me in your pillow case and sleep on me? Go ahead and try it. You’ll wake up with your new best friend sticking out your throat as a geyser of blood shoots onto your sheets. I’m going to be singing the Armour Hot Dogs song as you lose your strength falling into a puddle of your own self. Do you see what you’ve done to me already in this short amount of time? You’ve mutated me from a once respectable writing device into a filthy minded violence laced pencil that should be locked up if not burned. I’m so ashamed of our relationship. Nobody can see me with you seriously. If any of the other Pentech products were to witness the horrible things you do to your pencils and paper they’d immediately be required to inform the proper authorities who would instantly seize me. Do you know where they’d send me after that? Church! They’d drown me in Holy Water before claiming to have cleansed my soul and renouncing the name of Jason Haugh. As for you? Well they don’t tell us what they do to the flesh sacks with hands. Anyway that’s all I have to say right now.

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Thank you pencil. You’ve terrified me.