Damon smiled and leaned in closer to Daniel’s ear, he found that he still had to almost shout before he could be heard. Not that it mattered because what they were talking about was mostly nonsense anyway. Their girlfriends had escaped to the ladies room and left them alone in the midst of the party.

Daniel laughed as yet again their conversation was interrupted by someone coming to wish Damon a happy birthday, he still found it funny how uncomfortable Damon was around these girls even though he had known them for nearly three years now.

They were interrupted again by a group of guys that Daniel didn’t know buying a titanic number of shots for them all. They downed perhaps four each in sequence and the nonsense conversation spread to seven guys. The return to the group of four girls did nothing to stop the random nature of the way they were talking, which was mostly a huge collection of ‘in jokes’ stretching back years.

Damon hugged Kaylie to him when she returned. She was smaller than he was; she rested her head on his chest as he passed her her drink. Kaylie and Daniel’s girlfriend Natalie spoke to each other quite happily as the rest of the group of friends – to which they were late arrivals, so they didn’t get many of the jokes – carried on their bizarre method of conversation, without a topic, which the two girls found hard to follow.

Damon kissed Kaylie on the forehead and excused himself from the group to go and greet a new group of guests. It seemed that Damon found it easier to trust girls and therefore had more female than male friends, a fact that Kaylie found strange at first but had decided not to question. Kaylie had recognised two of the girls that they had met in the bathroom as being the ones who she had met first after Damon, they had been the one’s who had reassured her that Damon wasn’t being romantic with any of the other girls, they were all just friends. She had already figured this out for herself of course. It was his willingness to answer any question she asked him that convinced her, plus his tendency to tell the truth, even when he knew it wasn’t what she wanted to hear. Why he found it so hard to trust guys and certain things that had happened before they met were the only things he refused to talk about with her. Of course, there were a lot of stories that he would tell from that period of his life, but they were mostly about his family or things to make her laugh.

She smiled as she watched him leave, she had met the girls (and in one case, lady) he was headed to see. She liked them all, there was only one of them that she was slightly unsure of, Anna.

Not long ago she had asked Damon about his old girlfriends, something that Damon found strange, but she had eventually gotten him to talk. She had actually enjoyed the conversation, Damon’s off hand manner about them made her feel more secure, she could tell that he cared for her more than he had for anyone else. The only one that troubled her was Anna, she and Damon had never actually been together but Kaylie knew that Damon had feelings for her, perhaps even loved her. What troubled her most was, knowing that if Damon hadn’t cared for Anna as much as he did then Kaylie would never have met him.

Damon went over to the group of four girls and hugged them all in turn, though with Anna it was a little more tentative. They handed him a present, he smiled and opened the box to find a gold watch. He knew as soon as he saw it that Anna had bought it for him, but had asked the others to chip in so that he wouldn’t know it was from her (though he doubted those were the words she would have used). He was also sure that she only gave him this watch because of the jewellery that he had given her for her birthday. He, like her, had been shy about handing over a present. Although they had found each other on the same course at the same university the two of them had barely spoken for two years previous to that and they liked to stay guarded about how they felt with each other.

He thanked them again and lead them to the bar where they introduced themselves to some of Damon’s other friends. Anna, having gone to school with most of them, had a slightly longer exchange.

Jackson, one of the guys in the group, the one that Damon was closest to, caught Damon’s eye and the two of them held a silent dialogue, without even the use of expression. Jackson was aware of what had gone on between Damon and Anna but wasn’t aware that Kaylie had met her. The silence ended with Jackson slightly more reassured but none the less sceptical of his friend’s confidence and still laughing at the joke.

Kaylie and Anna spoke at the bar, while conversations continued around them, in the way that only women in their situation could. They were polite on the surface, perhaps even liking each other, but underneath things were different. Jackson smiled as he noticed them; he knew Damon knew what was happening, although he was looking in the other direction. Jackson decided to let the evening run its course and returned to his fiancée

Half an hour had passed in the bar. Damon and Kaylie danced despite her huge lack of rhythm. Damon leaned in and kissed her cheek.

“I need to talk to Anna, is that ok?” he said in her ear. Kaylie nodded, he smiled, he stroked her face gently and smiled again “I’ll be right back.” He kissed her again and squeezed her hand. As he moved away Kaylie went to leave the dance floor until one of the other girls grabbed her and the two of them danced together.

Damon went to the bar for a bottle of beer and a glass of wine before walking through the crowd to the table where Anna was sitting talking to some of the other guests. He offered her the wine, which she accepted with a smile and invited her to join him outside, again she accepted. He held the door for her as they headed out past the abandoned summer ‘beer garden’ and to the railings on the side of the river.

The stars shone down on them out of the clear October night sky. The river and the quayside were lit up by the many streetlights along the paths and the many coloured lights underneath the bridges. The night was cool, but compared to the heat inside from the many bodies it was a relief.

They sat quietly on a bench watching the lights dancing on the surface of the river, both realising that it wasn’t nearly as pretty or, as it was fast becoming apparent, romantic during the day, or without a drink.

“What’s on your mind?” Anna asked patiently breaking the silence. She had known him long enough to know that even though he had asked her out here tonight to talk she would still have to coax it out of him. Damon smiled

“What makes you think there’s something specific?” his face was cheeky. He took a drink. He was delaying, trying to form what he was going to say in his head, even though he knew that what he planned would be completely different to what actually came out of his mouth, a fact that annoyed him more than anything, yet it seemed to work in his favour a lot of the time.

“Well it must be something serious.” Anna replied just as calmly, “Because you go to Kaylie with everything unless it’s something really bad or it’s about her.” Anna was being more direct than Damon had thought she would be. He took the last sip of his beer and stood up, walking to an empty table he placed the empty bottle on its top. He walked past the bench where Anna sat waiting for a response and leaned against the railings facing her. He took a deep breath.

“OK, look, I decided the other day that I have very few regrets in my life, but my twenty-first birthday seems like a good time to address the things that I do regret.” He took another deep breath. He always found being open with Anna hard. It seemed that criticism from her hit him harder than from anyone else. Anna looked at him, confused; he knew he would have to go on without the break he wanted.

“Mostly, id like to thank you.” He said rubbing his brow, it as a nervous habit. “if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be where I am today.” He smiled, inviting a response rather than feeling happy or relieved.

“you mean…?” she started

“No” Damon interrupted, knowing what she was about to say. “I don’t mean this university. I’d have come here anyway. I didn’t even know you were going to be here until we got our acceptance letters. I mean I wouldn’t be the kind of person I am without you.” This time the smile he offered was from relief.

Anna smiled as well, her hand unconsciously drifted to the necklace that Damon had bought her. Damon breathed easier now that he had told her what it was he had wanted to say.

“So what else do you want to tell me?” she asked calmly, taking a sip of wine. Damon looked blank. “come on, I know you, you wouldn’t have left your own party and brought me out her unless there was something else you wanted to say. I also know that you didn’t plan on talking about whatever else is on your mind tonight, but since we’re here you might as well.” Her smiled was triumphant and her tone was firm. Damon felt his stomach drop slightly and a small amount of panic swell inside him.

“I don’t think now is the right time for that conversation.” He replied feeling a lot more nervous than he sounded. “Besides I don’t want to annoy you when we still have so much of the year left to go.” He stalled.

“I’m sure you’ve annoyed me a lot more than this before.” She pushed. Damon cursed inwardly knowing she was right. He hated the fact that he found her so hard to read, yet she seemed to always know what he was thinking.

“Look, everyone in there is waiting for us to get back in; the longer we’re away the more suspicious they’ll be.” She said firmly, the tone in her voice implied some menace, but Damon knew this was only because she was agitated. But still Anna had a tendency to be right which generally made Damon feel stupid around her.

Damon rolled his eyes and looked up at the stars, feeling the words build up behind his lips and knowing that in a second they would all come tumbling out. He looked back at Anna, her face had softened, she was once again sipping wine but her eyes showed that she was just as scared of what he was going to say as he was of saying it. He gave her half a smile then reached down and took her hand in his. He glanced quickly up to the windows of the bar and, seeing no one there, led her slightly further along the river. Just far enough that people wouldn’t be able to see what they were talking about, but not too far as to be improper.

They stopped just short of the nearest bridge. Anna shot a cursory glance back at the bar then returned her gaze to Damon. He smiled and gave a smile as well as a sharp exhale of breath that was his self conscious laugh. He found it annoying, but unknown to him other people found it cute. He looked at the ground and, taking a deep breath, he tried to build up the courage to tell her everything. He looked up again and straight into her soft brown eyes.

“Ok,” he started suddenly. “Remember when I was 16, I was going to move to that other school?” Anna nodded to show that she remembered without interrupting. “I left on the eight o clock train. I was ready to leave, ready to show them what I could do, prove I was just as good as the other candidates who had all kinds of private education and stuff. Then at six the next night I watched the guy in charge of recruitment write FAIL on my report sheet…because I asked him to.” Anna looked slightly shocked and a little confused at this, she wanted to ask why but again didn’t want to interrupt him, she suspected that he would explain anyway. “See, the problem was, that the night before you told me not to let the fact that I missed you interfere with my decisions or get in the way of what I was doing, and I agreed. So, I decided that having my family, the people on the course with me and all of the staff at school thinking I was a failure and a waste of time was better than to break my promise to you.”

He stopped at this point and looked down the river path, his eyes had welled up and he didn’t want her to see.

Anna took the chance to look away herself. She knew how hard this must have been for him and admired him for being able to say what he had, but she wouldn’t realise that until later. For now she was still rocked by what he had said.

“So.” She began, her voice was quiet. She didn’t want to seem too severe while he was upset. “You’ve felt this way for five years now?” she asked, trying to understand the situation. Damon nodded in reply. “What about Kaylie?” She asked, in the same tone.

“She’s my girlfriend.” Damon said flatly.

“So what do you want me to say about your revelation then?” she sounded more severe as frustration got the better of her.

Damon turned. “I don’t want you to say anything.” He said simply, his tone matching hers. He looked deep into her eyes. “If you tell me you don’t feel the same and never did, I’ll be crushed. And, since I cant break Kaylie’s heart, if you told me you felt the same way then I would start to wonder if being with her was a mistake.” He paused. “Basically whatever you say, you break my heart.”

The sadness that was suddenly so apparent on his face shook her, she wasn’t used to seeing him like his. Suddenly she understood just how hard this had been for him.

He looked at her, not knowing how to end this conversation. He desperately wanted her to hug him, but at the same time he knew in his heart that she wouldn’t. Anna began to talk; Damon barely heard what she said, all he knew was that they were heading back to the bar. It seemed to take only seconds until they were at the door. Damon pushed it open and held it there for Anna. As she passed she felt for his free hand and squeezed it gently, Damon smiled sadly at her. Their eyes locked for a second, and then they headed back inside.

They were greeted by the noise of cheering, the karaoke had started. Only a few steps inside Damon felt himself being dragged away, it wasn’t what he wanted. Every time he was with Anna he would try his best to be around her until the last possible second. Jackson pulled him closer to the stage.

“C’mon, we’re next.” He said, knowing that neither of them could sing particularly well. Damon gave a small laugh and patted his friend on the back before they walked on. He took a quick look over his shoulder at Anna before jumping up onto the stage with Jackson.

“What are we singing anyway?” Damon asked, feeling it was somehow important to know.

“That song we did at the barbecue over the summer.” Jackson replied happily.

“They have that?”

“No, I brought the CD.”

“How incredibly normal.” Damon laughed and shook his head. The music started and they began to sing. Kaylie caught his eye from a table just to the side of where he was.

“Everything ok?” she mouthed to him. He nodded his reply without missing a beat.

A lot of people joined in the singing as the song wore on, Damon started to wonder if they sang it too often. Damon watched out of the corner of his eye as Kaylie left the table and crossed the room to where Anna stood. They talk briefly but the conversation ended in a hug. Kaylie smiled at Damon as she returned to her seat. Damon looked back to where Anna was stood, she looked miserable. She caught his eye and turned, expressionless, to the door. As she left Damon dropped the microphone and jumped down from the stage and heading after her, not caring what anyone else thought.

“Don’t leave.” He called out as he ran to catch up with her angry strides. Anna seemed to sense him catch up and turned, she moved her arms around him and kissed his lips before he had a chance to react. Damon’s heart took off, in that moment, for the first time he could remember, he was happy, 100 happy.

Anna pulled away, and as quickly as she had kissed him she slapped him, again before he could avoid it.

“What you said before,” She started, pointing her finger at him angrily as she spoke “was incredibly selfish. How dare you say all that and not let me speak.” She turned and headed for the car park where there was a line of taxi’s waiting. Damon followed silently, knowing there was nothing he could do to make her stay. Anna reached a taxi and told the driver where she wanted to go. He started the engine.

“And by the way.” She continued half I and half out of the taxi. “I love you too.”

The taxi drove off leaving Damon alone. The words he had wanted to hear for so long were now like a dagger in his chest, he turned with his hands clasped on his head and tears in his eyes. He swore loudly at himself before crouching under the bridge and allowing his sadness to consume him.