“Are you sure that you’ll be all right?”

I smiled up at Joanna. It was the next morning and I was leaving her house to go back to mine (unfortunately).

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Thanks Jo.”

“No problem.”

“You’ll call the home phone to tell me about your date right?”

“Of course. Gotta go primp. See ya’ later Em.”

I pulled out and drove away. Before I went home, I had a detour to make. The place I was going was only mine. Chris didn’t feel right coming here and Mom knew not to come.

Ah, finally. I parked the car and got out.

“Hey Grams,” I whispered, trying not to cry as I sat down by her grave. I looked at her Head Stone and read it for the thousandth time.

Esmeralda Crawford
Beloved Mother, Wife, and Sister to all
January 17th 1927, to April 29th 2004

“So how are things Grams? Everything good up there? Things are... fine down here. I passed my math exam! I was so proud! Chris is still as annoying as ever. He got mad ‘cause I had to have him pick me up from school for... reasons. Mom’s... ‘normal’. I guess you could call it that. She still thinks that I’m the one to blame for Dad’s- well, you know. I try. I really, do! It’s just that, I can never be good enough. I’m the daughter that she never wanted.” I hadn’t realized that I had tears rolling down my cheeks. I wiped them away with the back of my hand and got up.

“Sorry, Grams. But I really think I should go.” Thunder rumbled overhead in the already-cloudy sky as if it was answering me. As I turned to go get into my car, I could swear that I saw Josh’s curly hair turning a corner.

I love the park. It’s so peaceful; so calming. This time of the year is my absolute favorite. The colors of the leaves changing; fiery reds and oranges, and yellows so bright that it hurts my eyes.

To think, in a few weeks the entire park square will be filled with decorations for Halloween.

That reminds me: I need to get my costume.

I sat down on a two-seater bench in the north-western part of the square. It was hidden by the branches of the Weeping Willow trees surrounding it. They were the only trees that stayed all green in the park. I loved sitting under them. I started thinking of what Joanna had brought up.

It had been six years since Dad… left. Mom cried when she thought no one could hear. Chris acts like it’s a perfectly normal day. You can tell he can’t forget though; he’s so moody and tense, anything will set him off.

I always celebrate his birthday as if nothing happened. I set up a picture of him and I burn incense in memory. I always buy his favorite type of birthday pie and place the amount of candles for the amount of years he’s been… gone.

Grams would be so disappointed in me. I never started doing this until after she had died. Before that, she would always take me out on that day and do something fun that took my mind off him. Chris came with us the first two times, but then he ditched us; begging for a normal day to occur then when it could never happen.

And then Grams died. I was just entering high school. She was the only person who could cheer me up; the only one who could heal me, and now she was gone. Only three years after Dad.

I didn’t realize I was crying until I put my head in my hands and felt tears. I cried silently. Even with no one around, I could never cry out loud. I was too good at hiding it.

“Why are you crying?”

I looked up. Josh was standing in front of me with a confused look on his face. His blue eyes were knitted close together in uncertainty as he watched my tears roll down my face. His jacket was slung over his left arm and his right hand reached out slowly; as if to brush away my tears. He retracted it before it could move further and the entire action was erased.

“It’s nothing,” I said, reaching up to wipe away my tears. My eyes were probably all puffy and red now, making it look like I was sick.

“It’s not ‘nothing’,” He was looking to his left, refusing to meet my eyes. “If it was nothing, you wouldn’t be crying.”

I stared at him. After the way I yelled at him, I expected him to go back to hating me.

“Come on, I’ll drive you home,” he stated as he started walking towards the left entrance of the park. He stopped and turned when he noticed that I wasn’t following him.

“What?”

“I can drive myself home you know,” I said, a bit miffed that he thought I was too incompetent to drive.

“Where are your keys them,” he asked smirking, as if he had already won.

“They’re right-” the ‘here’ died in my throat when I remembered that I left my keys in my car- which was locked.

“Oh, fine!” I followed him out to his care, deciding that I could pick up my car tomorrow with the extra set of keys at home.

“Where do you live,” Josh asked as we got in the car.

“5698 Hawk’s Drive.”

“Is that in Eagle’s Crest?”

“Yeah.”

After that exhilarating conversation, we sat quietly for the ten minutes it took to get to my house. Josh pulled into my driveway and I opened the car door to get out. Just as I was about to shut it closed, I leaned down into the car and looked at him.

“Do you want to come inside?”

I don’t know what force caused those words to come out, but come out they did. And now, since the words were already out of my mouth, I couldn’t take them back.

Josh looked just as shocked as I felt. For a second, it seemed as if he was going to refuse. Already beating myself up over the fact that my stupidity is always getting me into humiliating situations, I was shocked when he answered with a ‘sure’. He opened his door and got out of the car.

“Are you going to stand there or are we going to go in?”

Whoops.

“S-sorry,” I said, stuttering for some God-knows-why reason. “Let me just grab the spare key.” As I walked over to the flower pot on the corner of the porch closest to the garage, I watched Josh out of the corner of my eye. He was watching me just like I was watching him. We caught each other’s eye and he turned away.

Holy crap… was that a blush on his face!?

“GOT IT!” I yelled and stood back up. I stuck the key in the lock and opened the door.

“Well, come on,” I told him when I saw him hesitating outside the doorway. He followed behind me as I walked through the dinning room on the right and into the kitchen.

“Kitchen’s this way,” I shouted to him as I looked back. Josh was still in the front foyer; his eyes moving from the spiraling staircase in front of him to the chandelier high above his head.

“What?” He asked as he found the willpower to tear his eyes away from the chandelier and met my gaze. For some reason, this caused an uncontrollable blush to seep across my cheeks.

And remember, this is the guy who has tormented me since 5th grade and who now is slowly killing me at work.

“You can go sit on the couch-” which was right next to Dad’s picture on the Kitchen Table (since our Kitchen merges into our Living Room).

I swear; my brain was dead today.

I normally didn’t have his picture out since what happened in 6th grade- no one but me could handle it and even then I would always break out crying. I took it out right before I went over to Joanna’s though. It was the last picture I took of him and it was in the frame I made when I was really little. I’ve added one red heart to it every year on the day that he… left.

But honestly though. I think that my mouth has a completely separate brain that only works on Mode Stupid. Jeez…

Josh sat down; looking around the combined room.

“Sprite, tea, coke or water?” I asked rummaging through the fridge, hoping that we had what I told him.

“Coke’s fine.”

Coke. Coke, coke, coke, coke, coke… coke! I grabbed the cold can and brought it out to him. I sat down on the opposite end of the couch. There was only, oh, I don’t know, a whole freaking pile of awkwardness in my face. He’s probably thinking that I was a freak. Well, at least a bigger freak than he already thought I was.

Damn it, why am I so stupid?

“So, why’d you invite me in?” he asked.

“So, why’d you offer me a ride?” I countered back.

“Why do you have to be a freak whenever someone asks you a simple question?”

“Maybe because people ask stupid questions!” We were starting to yell at each other now.

“What’s so stupid about wondering why I was invited into your house? Your Emma for God’s sake! You’re the biggest freak that I’ve ever seen and now you’re inviting me into your house.”

Okay, that hurt. The only reason that he even started calling me a freak was because of that one damn mistake in 5th that I’m obviously still being tormented about.

He’s lucky that the damn house phone rang at that moment.

I walked over to the phone, still fuming. Joanna? Why would she be calling me? She should be on her date right now- it’d been morning when I left her house and it’s afternoon now.

“Joanna?”

“Em-Emma?” A voice sniffed out from the other end.

“Yea, it’s me Jojo Bear. Why are you crying? What happened?” I asked her, worried. Apparently, Josh could hear the concern in my voice because he came over to the kitchen and stood next to me.

“Michael… Michael…” Joanna trailed off and started crying again.

I was glaring the entire time at Josh. Michael Conner and Josh were best friends and since Michael wasn’t around right now, Josh was the only person to beat up. I tried to calm Jo down and managed to get where she was out of her before she started crying again. I knew that I’d have to pick her up; she takes the bus every where or walks.

I hung up the phone and looked over at Josh.

“Um... Emma?”

I still glared at him.

“Grab your keys. You are giving me a ride to pick up my best friend and then later I’m going to kick your ass if I can’t find Michael,” I told him and then ran upstairs to my room. I grabbed my wallet, house key, spare car key, about a pound of chocolate, 4 cans of sprite, the box of tissues, sharpies, and a bunch of magazines. I threw them all into a hardly-ever-used-purse and slung the purse over my shoulder. I walked back downstairs. Josh was waiting for me outside.

I shut the front door and locked it. We both got into the car and Josh drove us down to the Mall. I found Joanna in the bathrooms closest to the coffee shop. I went into the stall with her and gave her the tissues, chocolate, and a can of sprite. When she was feeling better, I helped her fix her make up and we meet up with Josh outside the movie theater. Joanna shot me a look of uncertainty but didn’t say a word. We all got back into Josh’s car and I told him to drive to Coldstone Creamery.

We got there and Joanna sat at the empty table in the very back while Josh and I ordered the ice cream.

“Emma…”

“Yes Josh?” I asked impatiently. I didn’t want to have to listen to him right now- I already had a lot on my plate with Joanna crying.

“Michael is an idiot. I didn’t know that he’d do that. I- I’m sorry.”

Whoa, that was not what I was expecting.

“It’s okay Josh; it’s not your fault. Just be warned that I’m going to kick Michael’s ass on Monday though.”

We took the ice cream back to the table and sat down. I asked Joanna what had happened.

“Okay,” she sniffed out. “Well, I had gotten ready after you left Em. We were meeting at the movies at one and were going to eat at the food court afterwards. I had gotten to the mall early so I just decided to walk around until it was time to meet up with him.”

She took another bite of her ice cream and took another chocolate bar and Sprite out of my bag.

“I saw… him as I was walking around. I thought that he must be early too so I was going to go up to him- I figured that we could just eat first. Just as I was about to say hi, I noticed that a girl was by him. It was-” She broke off and looked at Josh. “It, it was Ella. I’m sorry Josh, but I’m positive that it was her! He kissed her and then they separated. He noticed me and walked over. He tried to give me a kiss but I back away. I guess he figured out that I saw him and he started calling me all these names and… I couldn’t stand it Em! I hadn’t done anything wrong! I ran to the bathroom and that’s when I had called you.”

I wrapped by arms around Joanna. She didn’t deserve this. I could handle this type of stuff, not her. I looked over at Josh wile I was comforting her. She had a grimace on his face. He left the table to go outside. Guess he finally found proof that the Cow was cheating on him.

Joanna sniff and again and left my embrace. She took a sip of sprite and looked over at me.

“So Em… why are you with Josh?”

“Hey! Nu-uh! This is fixing you day. There is nothing going on with me and Josh.”

Except for the fact that my thoughts get so confused around him, but I’m not going to tell her that.

“I never said that there was. I was just… wondering. That’s all.” She had that evil look in her eye. Prick. I taught her that look.

I glared at her. She just sat there eating her ice cream while I was left with my thoughts. Crap of a Prick best friend…