I miss the laughter we would share.

How we chatted about the most childish things.

How we teased each other relentlessly.

How we thought we could fly to the moon.

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I miss the time I first started to “like you, like you”.

When I would play “he loves me, he loves me not,” with any flower I could find.

When you would be the last thing I thought about each night.

When I first told you that I liked you more than a friend.

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I miss the first time we called ourselves “boyfriend, girlfriend”.

How we would wait for each other after classes.

How you would kiss me on my forehead.

How I started to fall in love with you.

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I miss the good times we spent together.

When I would embarrass you in front of your guy friends.

When you would bonk me on the head when I was acting idiotic.

When I discovered that I loved you.

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I don’t miss how you broke my heart.

How you didn’t believe me when I confessed.

How you whacked me and called me stupid.

How you told me you had been cheating on me.

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I don’t miss cruel reality crashing over my head.

When I realized that things were not as innocent as they once were.

When I realized how hard life can be.

When I felt my heart shatter for the first time.

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I miss the good times, but I cannot forget what you did to me.

The pain that would not stop.

The hatred I felt towards anyone who claimed to be “happy”.

The distrust that crept into my life.

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And now, years later, your apology doesn’t reach me.

It’s too late- the damage has been done.

It’s too late- we can never go back.

It’s too late- I’ve moved on.

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Even though I blame you for this hole in my chest,

Even though I don’t believe I can ever fully trust anyone,

Even though I have no more innocence,

I still love you.