2

Tests

The sun lit the window with a musty glow. Jessamine hadn’t slept all. She slipped out of her crusty sheets and kneeled by her luggage, pulling out fresh clothes for the day. Where would she shower? Psycho vividly played in her head and she shivered. The last thing she wanted to do here was shower. Hopefully Gran Gran would tell them who she’s chosen today, and Jessamine could take a shower at home.

She quickly changed and helped herself to a few extra swipes with her deodorant to combat her griminess. Then she waited. It was too early for any activity she reasoned and crawled back up onto the window, leaning on her elbows that were dug into her knees. She huffed and stared at the floor. She was even weird here. At school, with family, she was always the odd one that fit nowhere and was liked by no one. Nothing ever went right for Jessamine but she accepted it and tried not to let it bother her too much.

Being up on the window turned out to calm Jessamine’s nerves to the point of sleep and she found herself rattled awake by a splintering knock on the door, her head wedged between the cold wall and the window in a position she thought would be unsleepable. She again made her clumsy decent and poked her head out the door to hear the gorilla barreling off in the other direction. She slid out and quietly clicked the door shut. Looking around to make sure the coast was clear she scampered down the hallway.

She found her way to the dining hall and looking around, she decided to sit next to Larkin, an action that earned her so many sneers and disapproving looks she soon regretted it. When the family had fully assembled, the gorilla had tossed around food and people began hypothesizing about Gran Gran’s decision there was a loud bang. Not like a gunshot, more like a giant pot dropping out of nowhere. Everyone turned there heads to see and upon looking back-

“Hello!”

Yvette screamed and Reuben once again fainted as they all stared at Gran Gran who had appeared at the head of the table.

She was lively. Old, bent, but full of youthful energy. One of her eyes bulged wide with a pin prick of a pupil while the other was lazy and clouded over. Her nose was small and skull like and her mouth wide and grinning with only 5 or so teeth. White wiry hair twisted about sparsely on her mostly bald head and her voice was wicked, shrill and oddly ambiguous. Not at all like yesterday.

“Gran Gran?” Ambrose choked.

“Yep! Enjoying breakfast? Ooo, sausages!” She reached out a grabbed a half eaten sausage off of frozen Grimwald’s fork. She hummed happily as she ate and then licked her lips.

“So,” she said clasping her hands on the table. “What’s new?”

Everyone was speechless.

“Nothing? You guys were pretty talkative yesterday. Is something wrong? Where did Reuben go?”

One of Barnabas’s hands pointed at the floor.

“Sleeping?” Gran Gran asked.

“He passed out…” Ambrose softly uttered.

“He passed ou- Ambrose! What did you do to your face?!” she screamed. Ambrose recoiled in horror and Gran Gran laughed.

“Just pulling you leg. Pass me another sausage, will you, Grimwald?”

“Yes, uh, Gran Gran. As you wish…” Grimwald stiffly grabbed the sausage platter and held it out for her. Wiggling her fingers she carefully picked out five and munched on them one by one.

“Have you picked your heir, Gran Gran?” asked Theodosia, the first to recover.

“Hah! Good Theodosia, getting right to the point! No. You see, this vision I had told me a have a few more good days left, so there’s no point in rushing things.”

“Then what were the interviews for?” Grimwald asked, annoyance flaring on his nose.

“To get a feel for you all, of course. I must say, I am over all impressed! You’re all a sick bunch of wretched devils from Hell, and heck, even the purest of you is here for vengeance! I can appreciate that!”

Jessamine shifted in her seat and everyone looked at her. Was she talking about… me? She fretted.

“That’s a pretty knife you have there,” Gran Gran said to Sophronia who smiled as warmly as her warped face could manage and closed her eyes and bowed her head.

“So… how will you be deciding?” Theodosia asked as Gran Gran sucked up a sausage with a loud slurp.

“Tests,” was Gran Gran’s simple reply.

“What kind of tests?” asked Larkin.

Gran Gran paused.

“Well aren’t you all nosey,” She bit a sausage in half and chewed before swallowing loudly. “What ever tests I want, how I want, when I want. That is why I’ve got to ask… who here wishes not to compete for my magic? Hmm?”

Bertram raised his hand and Magdalena said, “My children are too young, it will just be me.”

Jess bit her lip. She really didn’t want the magic, but if she didn’t compete, how could she stop Theodosia? She stayed silent and accepted the challenge.

“Good! So many of you, eh? And I’m just assuming Reuben will compete-“

“He does, Gran Gran,” Yvette cut in and Gran Gran smiled.

“Well, isn’t this fun? I’ll have the butler summon you all later and- What the Hell is that?!”

Everyone turned in the direction of Gran Gran’s extended finger and then looked back to see she was gone.

“Well, ahem. Wonderful woman. I’ll see you all later I suppose,” Grimwald announced and started off.

Jess looked at Larkin questioningly and he burst out of his shock with a little spastic laugh before he got up and left shaking his head.

The summons where quick. As soon as everyone got back to their rooms, the gorilla called them right back out and gathered them in the entrance hall. Once amassed it led them back up the stairs, down a hallway, down another, up more stairs, twisting on and on. Finally they all stopped in front of a narrow black door.

Biting lips and exchanging nervous glances, they stood there with no explanation until Gran Gran’s demented voice called, “Come iiiiiin!” With a brutish slap, the gorilla opened the door into a classroom. There was a grumble of confusion.

The desks were wooden old fashion little things meant for children and Gran Gran sat behind a desk at the front of the room before a blackboard. The gorilla galloped up beside her and she pat its head.

“Well… sit down,” she ordered and everyone drifted in. Larkin was the first to sit and his long legs were bent like a grasshopper about to spring. Everyone else had similar difficulties and all the while Gran Gran smiled blankly.

“The first test is a test of your knowledge!” she announced.

“Knowledge of what?”

“Wait and see, Larkin! I don’t want to spoil the surprise! Or… Well, alright, I’ll tell you. The test covers family history and simple arithmetic. There are also some questions on subatomic particles but they’re pretty easy. Butler,” she handed the gorilla a stack of papers. “Hand out the tests please.”

The gorilla threw the stack in their direction and the papers drifted around them. No one was amused.

“Aaaaand, begin!” Gran Gran cawed throwing up her arms. They quickly picked up their papers and started scribbling.

For Jess, it was hopeless. All she knew about her family was the information Larkin told her last night. She didn’t know Gran Gran’s daughter’s daughter’ name and kids. Biting her lip, she hunched over, her hand tangled in her hair.

Gideon was holding the test upside down, then he turned it backwards and held it to the light with a little laugh. Sophronia was glaring at the paper, stabbing the side of the desk in absent minded frustration. Magdalena was whimpering, Reuben was hyperventilating and Barnabas was squinting with his jaw to the side. Meanwhile Larkin and Grimwald were writing ferociously, glancing at each other as though they were in a race, and Ambrose sat frozen and horror struck. Theodosia twitched, frustrated that some of the questions eluded even her.

“Done!” called Larkin and Grimwald echoed.

“Then bring you papers forward! I hope you double checked your answers! Oh yes, thank you Larkin, Grimwald. Speady speady! Ooo! I didn’t know this chair spins!” Gran Gran slowly swirled with shrill yips of glee.

After more people had turned in their papers, Gran Gran squawked that time was up and Jessamine dragged her feet up to the desk and snailed back.

Slowly, making the room twitch with tension, Gran Gran corrected the papers and then organized them into 2 stacks.

“Hmm. Ok! I have two perfect scores! Butler, write the two winners on the board!” The gorilla stared blankly at Gran Gran and Gran Gran stared back.

“Like this, butler,” she said and stood up, handing the gorilla some chalk and taking some herself. She drew a line and looked at the gorilla that paused, eyes wide and confused before doing the same.

“Good. Now write the names. These ones.” She held up the papers for the butler and sat down. The gorilla paused again before continuing to draw lines.

Everyone waited impatiently as the chalk squeaked and clicked.

Line. Line. Line.

Theodosia was tapping her pencil so fast it was a continuous vibrating hum. Grimwald twitched and his pencil snapped between his fingers while Ambrose pushed back tears.

Gran Gran looked up at the board and squinted.

“Huh, butler. I’m not familiar with that language. How about I give it a spin.” She stood and wrote the names small enough that her body concealed them. When she was done, she stood there a little longer, making a few more marks like an artist finishing off a masterpiece.

A vein pulsed in Sophronia’s head as she dug her nails into the desktop and dragged her knife along the side.

“There! Grimwald and Larkin, congratulations!” Gran Gran exclaimed as she leapt back.

Theodosia screamed, twisting her hands in the air, cheering Jess up immensely.

“Good try everyone! I’ll see you later for the next test. Class dismissed!” Gran Gran chirped and continued to spin. Everyone got up stiffly, their joints cracking from being cramped for so long. Waiting at the door when they left was Bertram.

“How was it?” he asked Theodoisa and she kicked him in the balls. Jessamine lingered over him in concern but Ambrose came to his rescue, most likely for the soul purpose of angering his dad.

As they made there way down the hall there was bang behind them and they turned then looked back to see Gran Gran standing before them.

“Forgot to mention. I feel like we need to socialize more beyond meal time. Nine o’clock tonight, Dining hall. Dress pretty!” She gasped and pointed to the side, though only Gideon hopped around. She squinted at them with her mouth bunched to the side,

“Butler!” she shouted, looking over their heads. “Spider!”

The gorilla screamed and hopped around, slapping itself hysterically. Shocked everyone turned and looking back were not surprised to discover Gran Gran had disappeared.