"So you have a date?"

I shot my sister my worst withering glare- the one Agamemnon says will kill any and all plants within twenty feet- but, as always, it didn't affect her. Comes from living with me for sixteen years, I guess. "What's it to you?" My sister has never been much for girl talk. We have fun together, but we're not that close. Plus, I just don't do girl talk.

She folded her arms, leaning against the wall. Her catlike smirk wasn't helping my mood. "Well, it happens to be your first, little sister. Do I know the boy?"

"You might. He's in your grade." I tried not to blush as I added, "It's Jamie Tilson, okay?"

Jenna's eyebrows went up. She looked shocked- and, naturally, even more amused. "The soccer jock? He asked you out?"

I fidgeted with my hairclip. I had considered doing something fancy with my hair- there's almost three feet of it, after all- but I figured it only would have made me more nervous and settled for keeping it out of my face. I used to wear it in a braid now and then, but I quit after I started smacking people in the face when I turned my head too quickly. "We have trig together. He talks to me a lot." I paused before adding, "I thought it was because he liked you." My sister knows that I'm insecure, but she doesn't understand why. She's cocksure and headstrong and does not get at all why I don't like people. She's also good-looking, which might explain the gap between her reasoning and mine… it's much easier for pretty people to avoid being bitchy.

Jenna snorted. "He can't stand me- never forgave me for the black eye I gave him in third grade." Her eyes widened, and then she started to cackle.

"What?"

"I was just considering how much of a blow to his ego it'd be if he tried anything and you beat his ass."

I folded my arms. "He's not going to 'try anything'. He's undoubtedly going to come to his senses after this date and realize he got hit on the head or something and really likes someone who is as gorgeous as he is."

Jenna shook her head. "Alaina, that boy gets kicked around so much in soccer practice that his head must be a concrete block by now. If he asked you out, he must like you a little."

"He never defined whether the date was 'as friends' or not- he never even called it a date! Maybe he just won a free lunch and felt like being charitable."

"You need to learn to have fun. Seriously, he must be able to see that stick up your ass when you talk." I made a rude gesture at her. Conversations with my sister are the only times I'm reduced to such. "Or the chip on your shoulder!"

I decided to go outside and wait for Jamie. My apartment is too large for three people, but considering that either Agamemnon, my best friend, or Adaon, my sister's best friend, is always over, it doesn't seem like it as much. I wondered if Jamie would be joining the list of people who regularly invited themselves over- but I squashed that train of thought before it could get too far. I enjoyed Jamie's company, but I didn't want to make this a regular thing.

…Although I didn't see why I shouldn't, since that would make it seem like I was still holding out for someone I had decided was an impossibility a long time ago. If Jamie had an honest-to-God crush on me- which meant that, somewhere, Satan was having a snowball fight- I could try to like him back. He wasn't a bad boy; he could make me laugh, and he had never made me cry, unlike-

I squashed that thought right away too. No mercy! Those were dangerous waters, stuff that would drive me insane if I considered them too much.

I was relieved when I saw his car approaching. Introspection would only make me cross or depressed; I try to distract myself as often as possible. There's only so much you can hide behind a façade of constant bitchiness, after all. "Hey," I said when he pulled up, trying not to sound like this made my night (which it had, but he didn't need to know that; I could at least pretend that I usually had something to do on a Friday evening).

He leaned over and opened my door. His smile was his normal Jamie smile- if he was nervous, I couldn't tell.

I got inside and reminded myself not to search for tells all night; that would ruin the evening. I never look for positive signs from a boy. If I see them, pessimism and years of being overlooked twist them into something nasty. But negative signs… boy, am I good at finding those. "So where are we going?" I asked. I had to keep my mouth busy, or I knew I'd just blurt out something stupid- like why we were going. It was all right to question his motives in my head, but I had learned that it wasn't good to do it out loud. It had almost ruined my friendship with Agamemnon the one time I tried.

"I think I suggested a movie, but when I thought about that, I realized that all I do at movies is talk." Jamie's a nice boy. He's one of the popular kids who's so because nobody can dislike him- he's too sweet and self-effacing. And it's hard to be uncomfortable around him, even if you're a fat girl who only has two friends and never a boyfriend or a proper kiss. "And that bugs the crap out of most people. Plus, if that's all I wanted to do, we should just go out to eat anyway."

I stared at him for a moment. "…So where are we going?" I said it just the same as the first time because I knew it would make him laugh.

And he did. "The Acoustic Café."

Ask him to marry you, Agamemnon said in my head. I had to resist the urge to laugh myself- not because of the comment, but because I knew Ags would never say that. He got all huffy when Jamie asked me out, for goodness' sake. Marriage would probably make him have a coronary.

Anyway, I'd almost never consider marrying someone I'd met in high school. I'm still trying to figure out who I am. I don't want to waste time figuring out who I'd like to spend the rest of my life with… besides, most boys in high school suck, anyway.

Jamie must have taken my lack of a reply as a bad sign, since he added, "I like the food there, even though the waitresses embarrass me."

I snapped to face him and felt a case of the giggles lurking when I saw his horrified expression. Truth be told, the waitresses hadn't even crossed my mind. The uniform there consists of jeans tight enough to make a boa constrictor jealous and a bandana for a shirt, which would piss any other girl off. But I go there with Ags often enough, and I trust Jamie's ability to make eye contact. When I trusted myself to speak, "No, that's great, really. I love it there."

Jamie relaxed. "Oh, thank God."

"My best friend's a boy, Jamie, I know what to expect." And it would make a lot more sense to me if you dated one of those girls, I thought. I managed to keep it in my head.

Jamie pulled out. His expression was blank, but he sounded curious. "I always kind of thought that guy you hang around with was gay… I mean, girls hit on him all the time, but I've never heard him take one of them up on it."

I stiffened a little bit- I couldn’t help it. Discussing Ags with this guy- even though Ags was my best friend- would do nothing but make me uncomfortable. Explaining my friendship with him to someone else was hard enough. Explaining it to Jamie would be damn near impossible. Jamie would end up hating him, since they don't know each other-

And it was about that point I realized some part of me was actually counting on this to last. Where had my sanity gone? I hadn't given it leave to go on vacation. I'd need my wits about me to keep from doing anything stupid.

"Agamemnon's too picky," I said quietly, trying not to sound defensive. "He's weird. He doesn't give a damn about what other people think about him and he's a romantic, so he won't date a girl just for appearances… unless Deirdre's after him."

"Deirdre Fahrar?" Jamie made a face when I nodded. "I hate that girl."

Those were the most welcome words he'd ever said to me, even though I'd been expecting that reaction. Deirdre is the queen of sluts at our school, and Jamie, although popular, wasn't shallow. Anyway, I don't talk to the sort of people who worship her "I do too. She chased Ags for a few weeks in freshman year. I'm so glad we got her to give up. It's hard getting the smell of skank out of my clothes."

Jamie snorted, but his eyes slid over to mine as he said, "Yeah, I heard about that."

That sounded like a prime cue for a subject change, considering that incident was why I said I'd never had a proper kiss, not a first. So instead I asked something about soccer, which I knew would distract him for a good while- all the way to the café, as it turned out. I'm good at getting people on tangents.

I listened with half an ear as we walked inside and sat down. I almost missed when he asked me, "So what do you do in your free time? Besides wreak havoc, of course."

"Drink the blood of my enemies," I answered, lacking anything better to say. I threw on a deadpan expression to at least attempt humor.

Jamie cocked his head and studied me. He appeared to be wondering how to phrase his thoughts. "You know, it's at times like this I understand why more people don't talk to you." He paused, and then he quickly went on, as though he thought I might be offended- please. "I mean- uh- people are scared of you and stuff." He focused on his hands, blushing a little.

"Jamie?" He looked up, clearly expecting a bitchfest. I am infamous for my ability to chew people out (well, I would be if more people knew my name) when I think they deserve it- which is often. "It's not that people don't talk to me. I don't talk to them. I quickly discovered that most girls here are catty bitches and didn't associate with them, and boys never noticed me anyway, so that wasn't a problem. Anybody who tried to befriend me realized I wasn't the type, and I got left alone. I prefer it that way."

Jamie looked rather surprised. I was expecting that; it's the usual reaction. "So-"

"I started hanging out with Agamemnon as an experiment, and I was civil to you only because I needed a partner in trig. Then I discovered you weren't an asshole."

Jamie smiled hesitantly, as though he wasn't quite sure what to think. Again, I'm used to it. Still, I felt like I needed to reassure him… he was so damn sweet. Almost as bad as Agamemnon, except Jamie had never made me cry- and I am not going down that road right now! "You're very nice. I just judge people too soon most of the time."

Jamie relaxed. For a moment, at least. "Oh, that's good." He paused. "I mean-" Sighing, he hid his face in his hands. "I suck at this."

"You do," said the waitress. I couldn't see Jamie's expression, but his ears turned red. This, finally, was something I was used to- Agamemnon made an idiot of himself all the time. He never knew when to keep his mouth shut either. Although when he did it, it upset me…

Jamie mumbled his drink order and didn't surface until the waitress had disappeared.

"You aren't this bad in school," I pointed out.

Jamie's eyebrows shot up. "Yeah, but this is a date," he said, speaking slowly like he thought I was being dense on purpouse. "I assure you, they're two very different things." As if he had to tell me that. If this were school, I'd only be wasting about half as much time on being stupid and insecure compared to now.

I blushed, though, and not because of his tone. I had been waiting for that confirmation since I stepped in his car, although I'd never, ever admit it. "So I assumed," I said, my voice as arch and condescending and possible… although I probably resembled an arch and condescending tomato. But it was the principle of the thing. "I've just never had any proof."

Jamei squinted at me. "Really?" I resisted the urge to sigh. Here was the only reason I didn't have a crush on Jamie: he was such a Popular sometimes. And thus very predictable.

"Unlike you, I've never been plagued by the attentions of the opposite sex." My voice was clipped. Annoying. I'm used to having a tighter reign on my emotions- but then Ags has proved time and again that all bets are off when it comes to boys.

Then Jamie laughed. I was stunned. Before this, I thought I knew only one person who could surprise me. "Spoken like a transfer student." He shook his head, his easy manner back in full force.

"…What?" I'd never told him I was from New York City. Ags didn't know (or like) Jamie, so how did he find out?

"We've had our math classes the same hour for four years straight now, you know. You came here halfway through eighth grade." Jamie's voice had a gentle quality that I recognized but had never thought would be used on me.

I blushed again, deeper this time, and looked down at my hands, hoping he would think I was embarrassed about not remembering that or the look in his eye. Actually, I was furious with myself. I couldn't deny that I liked Jamie speaking to me like that, but I also couldn't deny that there was still someone else I wished was filling his place, even though I knew he never would. Was I that determined to sabotage everything good in my life?

I shook myself and resisted the urge to fiddle with my hair. It was hard to keep my cool when emotions were involved- when I wasn't even sure I wanted to. "You're observant," I mumbled eventually.

Jamie shrugged. "I only remembered because nobody else in my class had red hair… I always figured you were shy."

"Shyness has never been my problem." I was glad to be back on semi-stable ground. "I just like my privacy." Tilting my head, I added, "But we've gotten off-topic. Why does it matter that I transferred here?"

"Because you never met me before I started playing soccer. They didn't have a team at school until eighth grade. Before then, I was just a klutzy nobody who hung around girls because they teased me less and did something other than play football."

Me being me, my first instinct was to make a rude comment about how well he'd gotten used to popularity. I squashed that because A) I liked Jamie, and I didn't want to be too mean to him, and B) it would've been hypocritical. I'd changed my tune pretty quickly after meeting Ags, after all. I offered him a thin, sharp smile, the closest I get to flirting. "So you were a fan of self-exile too, eh?"

Jamie grinned. "A student, yeah."

The waitress returned with our drinks. "The whole time I was back there, I was waiting for the scream." Jamie and I looked at her blankly. "You know, when she tore out your heart and ate it."

I choked on my drink; Jamie looked confused. When the waitress left, he asked, "Has it happened before or something?"

"Don't worry, I like you. I don't eat friends."

Jamie blinked. God, he was cute. If I'd been a hug sort of person, he would've been impossible to resist right then. "Now I understand why Tunstall called you creepy." He paused, and then he swore. His forehead hit the table with another soft curse. "Sorry."

"It doesn't bother me. 'Creepy' works to my advantage, remember?"

Jamie shifted his head a little so he could see me. He looked like he couldn't believe his luck. I worry about his sanity sometimes… "Really?"

"I'm used to it. I've been cultivating those reactions for nigh on five years now."

"Wow." Jamie leaned back in his seat. "Can I ask why?"

"I told you, most girls are bitches, and I don't need the competition. And most boys don't- they just don't notice me." My voice caught? So much for any semblance of control. Was I considering allowing this boy to see proof that the prickly, cold demeanor wasn't all there was to me? I hate doing that. Not only does it mean I'm attached to someone enough to open up (something I never do if I can help it), but they're so damn smug when I do. Like a few Disney movies had taught them every nuance of the human mind.

"You just made a weird face. I already know you're human, so it's not bad to admit that you want boys to notice you." I gave him a sample of my best "that was a very stupid thing to say, and you should start running now" glare, but he just smiled at me. "See, now you've got the 'How dare you suggest I need a man to validate me' expression." I was about to tell him just how wrong he was (with an obscenity, no less- where had all of my reserve gone?), but Jamie continued. "I'm not saying that. I am saying that confidence you give yourself is different than the confidence you get from other people."

…Well, that shut me up. My anger fizzled; now I was only mad at myself again. Jamie had a point. A really good one, too. The way I saw it, I could either hate myself or like myself, and self-hatred is only productive if you're a masochist or an artist. I only liked myself because I was stuck with me. No one else was. Hadn't I accepted because I wanted to believe that, despite that, someone else could like me?

I ducked my head and mumbled, "So, um, is this going to be a regular thing? Dates, I mean. Not me feeling like an idiot."

Jamie reached across the table and put his fingers under my chin, making me look at him. It was far more intimate than that one flubbed kiss. I could read no guile in his expression, but I couldn't pick anything else out of it either… and for once that didn't bother me. "I'd like that."