The bus was shabby, the seats were made of tattered leather, which were ripped exposing moldy cushioning underneath. She was alone except for a crazy looking bus driver and a couple of deluded farmers farther towards the back. Julie looked out the window of the bus, trying to ignore the horrible ‘thing’ she was in. Outside wasn’t much better, bare desert all around, passing by an occasional 7-11 or gas station. It’ll all be worth it in the end, she thought to herself, I hope, drifting off to sleep.

Julie felt a jolt beneath her, rousing her from sleep. Drowsily, she looked out the window to find the bus at the stop in Hollywood, California. She rubbed her eyes, getting the sleep dust out and wishing for her contacts to clear. She grabbed her bag and jacket, exiting the bus as quickly as possible. As soon as the door closed behind her, the bus left, heading off to its next destination. Julie looked at her surroundings, this is where her mom had lived. A week ago, on her 17th birthday, her parents had told her that her mom wasn’t really her mom and that her birth mother had died. Although refusing to tell her how her mom died, they did tell her dad had remarried her ‘not mom’ quickly after her birth. At first she didn’t know what to say, Julie was confused, but as her dad came over to her to give her a hug, anger flared up. She knew exactly what was bothering her. How dare he get married so quickly after mom’s death! She decided then and there to find the truth about her real mother. So she ran away, to Hollywood, where her mom had lived and where her sister lives. Julie intended to find out as much as she can while she’s here.

She looked around for a bench in the shade to sit on to wait for a cab. Soon she realized her mistake. A girl sitting alone would have attracted a cab back home in Boston. But here you had to be out there on the sidewalk screaming for one. Regretting her decision to wear jeans, dying from the heat, Julie walked up the sidewalk, directly under the sun to grab a cab. Eventually, a cab pulled up beside her. A nice seeming older man stuck his head out the window, “Hop in little lady!” Not stopping to think Julie threw her bag in the back and sat down next to it. The man turned to face her, “Where you headin’?” She rummaged through her bag. Pulling out the crumpled sheet, worn down from reading it over and over again. On it was her aunt’s address, “1488 Pathfinder Ave, please.” He nodded and started driving.

As the sky turned darker and lights lit up on the streets, doubts began to fill her head. Her two internal compasses argued,

It’s fine you’ll be fine. Your aunt will be nice. It will all turn out ok, part of her thought, as she looked out the window. Outside were moms hugging their children as they picked them up.

No it won’t, no it won’t. This will be disaster. Your aunt could be mean and uninterested in helping. You could get dropped off in the middle of nowhere, you never know with cab drivers, her thoughts changed as the streets grew dirtier, no more kind moms in this neighborhood.

He seems nice! And when have I have ever been wrong?

(snickers) Like always!

Resigning to an undecided decision about her future she pushed the two bickering voices to the back of her head and silently stared out the window, not even really looking at anything. The cab driver seemed to notice Julie’s troubles, an instinct perhaps. “What’s your name?” He asked, looking at her through the rear view mirror. Julie paused before answering, but decided he was trustworthy. “Julie.” He nodded with smile and looked back to the road. Julie checked her watch and decided, regardless of how much she didn’t want to, she had to make a call home. At home, it would be about noon, and 5 days after she had left. She took out her cellphone, quickly dialing her home number. Ring Ring.

“Hello?” It was dad, he sounded strained and tired. Nervous, butterflies going wild, she was speechless for a moment before regaining her composure.

“Hi Dad.”

“Julie? Are you ok? Are you safe? We had the police looking for you. We were so worried-” He started crying, “Where are you?”

“Ok Dad please don’t get mad, but I’m in California.”

Now it was his turn to be speechless, “Excuse me. Julie please tell me you did not just say you’re in California.”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Julie, what were you THINKING?! You are coming home right now.”

“No dad, I’m not.”

“What do you mean ‘no you’re not’, you are coming back now. I’ll even fly there if I have to.”

“No dad, you don’t understand. I have to do this. I need to find mom.” He didn’t speak for a couple minutes he was dumbstruck.

“Julie, I don’t care if I have to drag you, you are not staying there. Mom…is not coming back. Like I told you a week ago, she’s dead.”

Anger flared up again, “You talk about her as if she didn’t even matter! I didn’t even get to know her, my own mother! I want, I need this chance to find that part of me. I’m not coming home. That’s final!”

“Julie-”

“Bye, Dad.” Before he could speak again, Julie shut her phone hard, as if to convince herself of the finality of those words.

Tears welled, and no matter how hard she tried to stop them, they fell down her face. The cab driver saw this, and having heard most of their conversation, decided to pull over. Julie cried for a couple more minutes, wishing her dad could just accept this. Feeling foolish she brushed away her tears, looking up to realize the cab driver had pulled over. He had taken off his seatbelt and was turned around in his seat. “Are you ok?” Julie nodded halfheartedly she wasn’t really feeling ok. He didn’t look as though he believed her answer either. “Want to talk about it?” With her emotions all tangled, she felt the slightly vindictive side of her personality take over and reply, “What are you, a bartender?” He chuckled slightly and looked down, appearing somewhat hurt.

Gosh, why do I have to be such an idiot, he was only trying to help. Why’d you have to mess it all up?

Well, you know sometimes you just can’t help yourself

In times like this, you probably should learn to restrain that need

Fine (sighs)

Feeling ashamed she quickly tried to right her wrong, “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t mean what I said. In case you can’t tell, I’m kind of a mess.” Julie apologized quietly, tears filling her eyes again at the thought of dad. He looked up with a look of sincerity. “That’s ok. People break down all the time, nothing to be ashamed of.” Julie nodded silently, and feeling very drained, she feel asleep.

A woman was above her. The woman had curly back hair, falling just below her shoulders. She had green eyes that sparkled, and if you looked closely it looked as though they were not just green but had a little bit of blue in them. The woman was just standing above her, spinning a mobile above her head. The woman just smiled before quietly singing “Rock-a-bye, baby, in the treetop, when the wind blows, the cradle will rock, when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall, and down will come baby, cradle and all…”

“Julie, we’re here.” She woke up, feeling groggy, to find the cab driver had stopped. He had parked in front of a pretty big, yellow house. There was a fountain in front and a basketball hoop in the driveway. Julie sighed, feeling torn. She wanted to find out everything, but she was scared. She gulped, trying to repress the feelings of hesitation. She grabbed her bag and walked up to the cab driver’s window. “How much?” He turned the meter off, “Oh this one’s on the house.” “Really?” “Yeah, don’t worry about it. Bye Julie!” And with that, he drove away. Leaving her to face ‘the house’.

It will be fine, just walk up there and ring the doorbell

No it won’t be fine, this could be a disaster. Go Back!

Julie decided to face her fears, she walked slowly up to the door and rang the doorbell. The door opened and standing in front of her was a woman with artificial blonde hair, and looking blue eyes. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, revealing her darker roots, and was wearing a white tank top with expensive looking jeans. She looked at Julie oddly,

“Can I help you?”

“Rebecca Smith?” Julie asked squeakily.

“Yes.”

“Hi, my name’s Julie Richardson. Your niece.”

She looked absolutely shocked.

“You’re Miranda’s daughter?” Julie nodded, slightly flinching at the sound of her mother’s real name. She noticed Julie’s bag and opened the door fully,

“Come in come in.” Although her aunt was trying to hide it, she seemed flustered. A little boy came running to Rebecca from out of nowhere.

“Mom, mom, can we go to the park?

“Not today…we have a visitor. Dylan this is your cousin Julie.” He looked up at her with wide eyes.

“But mommy, I thought you said I didn’t have any cousins?”

“When did I ever say that? No, no, you do have a cousin, you have just never met her.”

Julie wanted to ask her aunt why Dylan didn’t know about her, but decided to ask later. Dylan ran upstairs,

“Mom can I tell Annabel?”

“Sure Dylan, actually, please tell her to come downstairs.”

Dylan came bounding back down the stairs, followed by a slower moving girl Julie assumed was Annabel. She had blonde hair like her mother, however, Annabel’s color was natural, and she also had blue eyes. Annabel was wearing the same brand jeans as her mom and same brand tank. She asked her mom, “What did you need-” then she saw Julie. “Oh.” “Annabel this is Julie, your cousin.” Rebecca said, introducing us. Julie extended her hand awkwardly, “Hi, nice to meet you.” Annabel didn’t take her hand, instead looking her straight in the eyes, said, “Go back to Boston. You’re not welcome here.” Julie felt as though she’d been slapped in the face, grabbing her bag, she started to head to the door. Rebecca ran after Julie, “Wait no, hold on. Julie is here as a guest and she is staying.”

Reluctantly, Annabel showed Julie the guest room where she would be staying. Lying on her bed, Julie slowly processed the situation, things were definitely more complicated then they seemed. The jet lag started to take over and before Julie could even blink, she was fast asleep.

The next morning Julie woke to a familiar smell coming from the kitchen. She walked in to find her Aunt Rebecca making pancakes. Not just pancakes, chocolate chip pancakes, Julie’s favorite. “Morning!” Rebecca said with a smile “Do you want any pancakes?” Julie nodded, now that she thought about, she was starving, she hadn’t eaten in a while. “Thanks, that sounds good. Thanks for making them.” Rebecca just shrugged, and flipped the pancakes a couple more times before sliding some onto Julie’s plate. “Eat up!” “Thanks!” Julie ended up eating five or six pancakes and was put into a great mood. “Once you are ready, do you want to go out, maybe see LA?” “Sure.” They spent the day, walking around town laughing and sightseeing. Half way through the day, they stopped at CPK for lunch.

I wonder if Aunt Rebecca would answer some questions about mom

Umm, I highly doubt it. But you can try I guess.

Rebecca led the way to a table and as they sat down, Julie decided to start the conversation, no matter how awkward. “Aunt Rebecca?” She looked up from her menu,

“Yes Julie?” “I wonder if you could tell me about my mom.” Rebecca sighed, “Miranda was, well what do want to know?” Julie responded quietly, “Everything.” Rebecca rested her head in her hands, “Miranda was unique. She looked a lot like you actually, she had black hair and green eyes,” the dream! “, she loved the stage, she was going to be an actress, and she was also an amazing singer. She loved you so much, she would spend hours just looking at you when you were a baby, sometimes she would stand above your crib and sing to you. When it came to choosing between you and her career, she chose you in a minute.” Tears were threatening to fall. Hearing about her mom was harder than Julie had thought it would be. Julie dared to ask, “Why have I never heard about you till now?” Rebecca looked away, tears were already rolling down her face. “Miranda and your dad met in college, right before she was about to get a big break in her career. It was a life-changing chance for Miranda. But she chose your dad instead. Your grandparents were furious, they thought she was turning on her dreams, turning on us. That’s why Annabel was mad yesterday, her grandparents imposed their opinions on her when she was young. Regardless of what I think, Annabel is stuck in her ways now.” “You don’t think mom turned on you?” “No, Julie I don’t. I knew she wanted to be a mother. Her career was secondary. Your dad was probably afraid to tell you about us because of how much your grandparents didn’t like him, he thought you might get hurt.” Silence.“Aunt Rebecca, how did my mom die?” Rebecca seemed hesitant, “A- a w-week or two after you were born, Miranda was expected to come back here for another job opportunity. Knowing how much the job meant to us, she came. While she was here Miranda was exhausted from running around doing little jobs for the ‘important’ directors, she was being extremely over worked after just having a baby. One day, she had a heart attack, and died while on errand. When your dad came for the funeral your grandparents yelled at him, they blamed him for her death.”

Julie spent the rest of lunch to process all the information she had just been given. After lunch, the rest of afternoon was spent as they chatted about other things, the differences between California and Boston, what Julie wanted to do when she grew up, things like that. By the time they reached her aunts house, Julie was spent. “Aunt Rebecca, thanks again for the wonderful day. Goodnight.” “OK, I’m glad you enjoyed it. See you in the morning.” Julie walked up to the guest room slowly, her eyes drooping. She tucked herself into bed and feel asleep as the images of her mother crowded her dreams again, knowing tomorrow would be a better day.