Glossary of British Slang Terms (for entertainment purposes only).

Bazza (n) – male chav.From Barry.

Bugger (v) – to sodomize.

Bog (n). – toilet

Bog Roll – roll of loo paper

Cane – to be excruciatingly painful. Used in sentences like ‘that bloody canes’, but not directly synonymous with ‘to hurt’. Would not really be used in a sentence such as ‘I’m going to cane you,” (not as slang anyway) although that’s probably the origin of it.

Chav (n) – derogatory term, see also NED, Bazza, Shazza, Skeemie, Pikey – all roughly similar. Member of the disillusioned youth, who favours sports brand clothing, Burberry knock-offs and Ben Sherman, as well as antisocial behaviour, underage pregnancy, Staffordshire Bull Terriers and famously, gleaming white trainers.

Craik, ‘just for the…’ (Irish origin, pronounced crack) – just for the laugh/fun/ shits and giggles. No direct translation.

Div (n) - someone with exceptional stupidity

Git (n) – total, utter tosser

Knob (n) - penis

Ming (v), Minger (n) – to be ugly; an ugly person

Mong (n) – derogatory term stemming from the word Mongol, or Mongoloid. Associates with Chengis/ Ghengis Khan and ideas of barbarism and limited intelligence. Not very P.C.

NED (n) – literally Non-Educated Delinquent. See also Chav.

Nonce (n)- general insult around the same level as wanker, used to imply stupidity, but also slang for paedophile. Comes from prison term applied to sex offender inmates – Not On Normal Communal Exercise.

Pikey (n) – like chav, but implying Gipsy origins (usually Irish). Brad Pitt in Snatch.

Pillock (n) – idiot, moron

Plonker (n) – like a Wally. Not serious. Famously, ‘Rodney, you plonker.’ Only Fools and Horses

Ponce (n or v) – not always derogatory, but often is. A guy who puts on heirs of polished class and intelligence – may well be smartly dressed and metrosexual if not camp, but holds only mild implications of homosexuality. Similar to being a poser, but more specific. To ‘ponce about’ would imply a slightly diva-esque attitude. Not a serious insult.

Poncey (adj) – see Ponce. Often coupled with Git.

Prat (n)- an idiot

Scouse, Scouser- from Liverpool; Liverpudlian dialect

Scooby, I don’t have a – rhyming slang – Scooby Doo clue.

Shazza (n) – female chav. From Sharon.

Skeemie (n) – Scottish word, usually partnered with bastard. A skeemie bastard will usually be behaving in a sketchy manner.

Sketchy (v) – dodgy, usually mildly criminal

Slag off (v)- to insult

Slanging Match – loud argument mainly consisting of shouted insults between two or more people.

Smeg Head (n) – derogatory term invented by the writers of Red Dwarf. Uncommon in general usage, though a fair few people will know what you’re talking about. Very satisfying to say, improved by a Scouse accent.

Toss pot (n) – derogatory term. Literally pot into which one tosses off.

Toss off (v) – to ejaculate, or to wank/be wanked. Usually used in an insulting manner. ‘…because he was too busy tossing me off.’ ‘Go toss off’

Tosser (n) – wanker

Twat (n) – literally, cunt, but also used less seriously as a fairly mild insult on a similar level to plonker.

Twig (v) – to figure out

Wassock (n) – light-hearted, non-serious insult. Fool. Village idiot. Pronounced wazzock. Literally – turnip.

Wonky (adj) – a bit skew-whiff

The meanings given are for how I have used the words and I do not claim that they are by any means definitive. Please let me know if you’d like ‘translations’ for other Nick-isms, or even if you’d like to correct me. I hope I’ve included all the confusing words I did use in the story; I think I’ve added a few others because I lost track!

Thank you all for reading!

Take care,

Zeb