How to Travel from England to America

I know many of you want a trip to the other side of the Earth (Australia), but America is probably a better choice as you will not get attacked by kangaroos there. You might have a few problems like not having enough money for transport or accommodations, having no friends there or maybe you believe that you cannot stand the American culture and accent, hence consider a suicide.

I can now suggest you an ideal way without any of the problems above. All you have to do is follow my simple steps:

Step 1, Become a Buddhist, or a Hindu.

Step 2, Pray everyday and study hard on the belief of reincarnation.

Step 3, Kill yourself. You were going to anyway.

Step 4, Speak to the guy who's in charge of rebirth and ask to be an American in the next life.

Step 5, Live your new life.

How to Travel from England to America without Killing Yourself

Teenagers want adventures. They especially want adventures after adventures, which means they have to stay alive. The idea I suggested last time was obviously crap, as you will not even be able to come back to England. I have now arranged a new trip to America, if you want to join us please do not hesitate to contact insert name here by banging on insert name of form tutor here 's door really hard during registration.

I am sure both girls and boys would be interested as there will be a hot guy and a boyfriend-seeking girl involved.

First of all, get your folks to buy the thing which allows you step into a film. And don't be selfish – invite us to your house so we can share it. Play the film Titanic. Now if you really want to visit old Rose's place, go for it. But my suggestion is that we all sneak onto Titanic. And then split up. Girls, make sure you're in Jack's sight when you pretend as if you were going to kill yourselves. Boys, check out the deck every night. Rescue the girl with a bright red dress and ridiculous make-up, who happens to be depressed and wants to kill herself. Then woo her up. Be prepared to be invited to dinner the next day.

Last but not least, for your own good, keep in mind that the ship might sink. To avoid this, go see the captain when Jack demands you to perform the world-famous scene, or when Rose comes to tell you that she's changed her mind. Tell the captain to look out for icebergs. This will ensure our safety and we will finally arrive in America safely – with our one true love(s)!!

Note: please do not be shocked if you find America extremely lame. Don't forget you're in the year 1912.

How to Travel from England to America. No, seriously.

If you don't believe in any of the above (because I certainly don’t), listen to this: find a spoon and dig a tunnel. Thank you.